


The Journey

by FenZev



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Minor Character Death, Sex, Sexual Content, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-06-08
Packaged: 2017-11-07 07:06:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 53,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FenZev/pseuds/FenZev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The journey of a relationship between F!Hawke and Fenris, complicated by an assassin named Zevran, and hindered by a magister named Danarius. Set immediately after DA2 Act I and twisting the rest as you know it. Origin cameos!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Return From The Deep

She walked the streets of Kirkwall most of the night. She couldn't go home, but didn't know where else to go. The deep roads were behind her. Mission successful, with the exception of getting trapped by Varrics brother. Her, Varric, Anders, and Carver found their way out two weeks later, and found an unbelievable amount of treasure. None of it was worth the price however.

Carver fell victim to the taint. She had to mercy kill her own brother four days ago. She has been in a daze ever since, not hearing Varric or Anders when they tried to cheer her up about her incoming fortune.

They parted ways when they returned to the city, all agreeing to keep a low profile until Varric could find out what his brother Bartrand was up to.

But she couldn't go home. Going home would mean facing her mother and then having to tell her about her only son being dead. Admitting that she was now responsible for the death of both her siblings. She couldn't go home; she didn't have the strength.

She found herself on the steps of the Chantry. She was never very religious, but in the deep thoughts she was in, she wasn't sure what she was doing. She collapsed on the stairs and cried softly, not knowing what else to do.

* * *

He saw her as he left the mansion. Even with his keen elf vision he strained his eyes to make sure it was her. He didn't know she was back from the deep roads. She looked skinnier, a bit unhealthy, very dirty, and completely lost.

Fenris walked over to her, making his footsteps noisier than usual so he wouldn't startle her. She didn't even look up, and for a moment he hesitated, wondering if it was not who he thought it was.

"Hawke?" he questioned softly.

She looked up at him and he could see she had been crying. He knelt down in front of her. "Are you hurt," he asked. She shook her head but no response came. He extended his hand to her, "come," he said sternly.

She looked at his hand and then at him confused. They had been close in the past, closer than any of her other companions, and she knew how he felt about being touched. "It's okay," he reassured her. "Let's get you inside."

She took his hand without saying a word and let him lead her to the mansion. She followed him upstairs in silence, not really knowing what she was doing there, still lost in thought. _He's a friend, I trust him_ she thought, but images of her brother dying in her arms kept creeping back into her mind, and she was lost again.

He led her to her usual chair by the fireplace and helped her sit. She still hadn't said a word to him and his concern grew. She was a mess, nothing like the person he knew who always took pride in her appearance no matter what she was doing. Her daggers strapped to her back were covered in dark brown, and her small knife at her side was stained as well. Clothes were torn, hair matted but pulled back, lost strands sprayed out across her face and neck.

Before the trip she made him promise she could take a bath when she returned, and he offered it to her now. "Shall I make a bath for you," he asked hesitantly, hoping for any response.

She stopped staring at the floor for a moment and looked at him when he spoke. _Yes_ , she thought, _a bath may help clean this filth from my body and soul_. She opened her mouth to speak, and while nodding hoarsely said "thank you."

"I shall be done shortly," he said turning away from her. "If you are hungry there is food on the table. You look like you haven't eaten for four weeks."

He hoped to get some response from her, but she was already staring back at the floor. His concern grew as he prepared her bath and she didn't move to eat or speak another word.

* * *

When the bath was prepared, he reached out his hand to her again and helped her stand. She was quite off balance and he grabbed her waist with his other arm and held her up. "Lean on me," he said assuring her as he tightened his grip on her to get her to move. She could barely feel her legs, her body completely numb, and all she could do was accept his help. "Can you walk," he asked, and she nodded, still not able to make eye contact with him.

He led her to the bathroom and sat her on the bench near the tub. He removed her boots and outer armor and set them aside. He helped her get out of most of her clothes but hesitated at her undergarments, afraid to cause her embarrassment now or them further embarrassment later. "Can you take it from here or do you still need me," he asked.

Finally she looked at him, eyes full of fear and panic. "Please don't leave me," she said on the verge of tears.

He grabbed both her hands to calm her. "Okay, I won't. Stand up for me and we'll get you out of the rest of your clothes."

She did as asked and he helped as she removed the remaining garments she had on. It took everything in him not to look as the remaining cloths fell to the floor. He helped her in the tub, and to his relief she immediately sat down pulling her legs up in front of her hiding her front from his view. She rested her head on her knees as he began to bathe her. He imagined she was in some sort of shock, from what he didn't know yet, but it was clear she was nowhere near her usual self. There was none of their usual banter or flirting or teasing. Instead she was trusting him to take care of her because she couldn't.

He washed her hair, her back, her arms and lower legs. He did everything he could comfortably without having her move. When he was finished with all he could do, he placed the cloth on her knees. "You do the rest okay? I will find you something to wear."

She nodded, quietly thanking him, and he left her alone.

Fenris was thankful to hear the movement of water as she tended to the remaining dirt on her body. He rummaged through the closets of the old mansion and found a large silk shirt for her to wear. He returned to the kitchen and put some stew on the fire to warm up as he heard silence again from the tub. He knocked on the door frame asking if she was ready, and she said yes, barely loud enough for him to hear. He entered, placing the shirt on the wash table and handed her his robe to dry in. "Robe first, relax by the fire and eat, then change and sleep." he advised her, and she nodded again, looking up at him.

"I'm a mess huh," she said almost sounding like herself.

He smiled, grateful for some sign of life from his friend. "At least you're a clean mess. Let me help you out." He extended his hand again to her, and helped her out of the tub. She kept her back to him, and he slipped the robe on her from behind allowing her to keep her modesty.

They walked towards the fire and he helped her sit. His back was towards her as he stirred the stew on the fire, and she played with the rope belt on the robe mindlessly. "I missed you," she said softly after some silence. He turned to look at her but she was staring blankly again into the fire. He knelt down in front of her, holding both of her hands now in her lap. "Can you tell me what happened," he dared to ask.

Hawke looked at him now, tears forming in her eyes and shook her head. He released one of her hands to caress her cheek and wipe a fallen tear. "It's fine, you don't have to. Just know I am here for you."

She nodded, closing her eyes and leaning against his hand on her face. She had imagined leaving the deep roads and returning to their flirting banter, trying to deal with the pain from his lyrium markings, and living happily ever after. Instead she was a mess, barely functioning and making a fool of herself. _He must think I am a complete fool,_ she thought now embarrassed about her earlier bath.

But he didn't move, was still next to her, and now pushing her hair out of her face with nothing but tenderness and caring. She knew his markings were less painful on his hands and feet, but she imagined he had to have felt some discomfort from all their touching tonight.

Yet she couldn't pull away. She knew she should, but she was frozen again searching his green eyes for an answer as to how he dealt with this pain. She felt like she was dying inside and didn't have a clue how to live again, or even how to breath.

He finally pulled away from her when the bubbling stew brought them back to reality. He removed it and reached out again for her. "I will feed you if I have to," he joked trying to get a reaction from her.

His reward was her soft laugh and smile. "How I have missed that smile; my mission is complete," he said as they sat at the table.

She let the smile linger for him as some payment for all he had done. He poured the stew into two bowls and they sat in silence and ate. He had hoped the simple act of eating at the table as they had done in the past would bring some normalcy to what seemed to be a difficult few weeks for her. Neither of them spoke, as was typical of their previous meals, but instead just enjoyed each others company after a month apart.

When they were finished eating Fenris took her up to the stairs, letting her go off into the bathroom to change as he prepared the bed for her. She emerged a few minutes later and joined him to help. He paused for a moment taking in the site of her; freshly bathed, shirt hanging just above her knees, long legs exposed with some bruises old and new. It seems they met some resistance in the deep roads, and while he was curious, he didn't want to push anymore this evening. For whatever horrid reason had brought them together tonight, his guilt in appreciating it almost overwhelmed him.

He lifted the sheet and blanket and allowed her to climb into bed, then gently covered her. She looked at him and realized aloud "I can't take your bed from you Fenris."

"Hush," he said. "I've slept in worse places than a chair. Besides, I'm not tired yet. I'll just watch over you while you sleep."

She seemed puzzled at this admission, and without thinking asked, "why?"

He sighed and knelt down on the floor to get closer to her. "Do you know why I found you tonight," he asked.

She thought for a moment before shaking her head.

He caressed her face again as he confessed. "I have never been one to believe in the Maker after what I have had to endure. Yet every night since you left I have been at the Chantry asking for your safe return. I mean it when I say I am here for you, will remain at your side, and will take care of you."

An unexpected tear escaped her eye and he removed it with his thumb. He didn't know if she was upset in a good way or a bad way, but he knew now was not the time for some serious conversation. He leaned over and kissed her forehead, retreating from her side. "Yell if you need me Hawke, I'll be here."

She nodded, a soft "thank you" escaping from her lips as she closed her eyes and immediately drifted off to sleep.

* * *

As she slept he kept his word of watching her, making sure she slept soundly and without worry. As he sat in the chair memorizing this moment for what seemed like hours, he felt himself almost drifting asleep until he heard the front door open.


	2. Confessions

It was a known fact between them all that the mansion Fenris called home wasn't really his. Perhaps that is why all of them never bothered with a courtesy of a knock when they came by. Fenris was used to it by now, having spent quite a bit of time with Hawke's companions, so he wasn't too alarmed when he heard the front door open. Still, he stuck to the shadows, grabbing his broad sword on the way out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

"Elf, you here?" He heard Varrics call and came out from the shadows. "Good to see you too," Varric joked as he noticed Fenris' defensive stance and weapon in hand. Fenris said nothing, but relaxed a bit when he realized Varric had come alone. "You don't seem surprised to see me," the dwarf said. "I take it she's here?"

Fenris nodded. As he closed the front door he noticed morning had arrived, and realized he must have fallen asleep after all. He gestured for Varric to follow him into the kitchen. "She's asleep upstairs," he confirmed.

Varric let out a sigh of relief. "Thank the ancestors for that. No one has seen her since we got back."

Fenris looked at him curiously, "how long have you been back?"

"Three days," Varric said, dusting off the cabinet before leaning against it.

Fenris released a quiet growl as he glowered at the dwarf. "I don't know why you left at all, given the condition she was in when I found her."

Varric noticed the tension in Fenris' mood, and the anger. "She said she was okay and going home. Made it quite clear she didn't want us around. She wasn't in the mood to argue so we let her be."

Fenris began to pace the kitchen. "She has not gone home," he said angrily.

"Shit," Varric said quietly. He studied Fenris' face. "She tell you what happened?"

Fenris shook his head. "I don't think she even knows where she is. She was," he paused, kicking at some of the dirt on the floor, "barely functioning when I found her."

Varric sighed. "I knew we shouldn't have left her," he said sullenly.

"No, you shouldn't have," Fenris growled through his teeth. "She's lucky _I_ found her and not one of the numerous people that want her dead."

"Come on elf, you know what she's like when she's made up her mind. There was no way she was going to let us stick around and follow her. What did you want us to do, hold her down and force her to face reality?" Fenris continued to growl and curse under his breath in anger. "I mean it, we tried, she wasn't having it."

Fenris looked at Varric and saw the honesty in his eyes. He softened a bit. "It doesn't matter. What happened? I take it things didn't go as planned?"

Now it was Varrics turn to be angry. "Carver is dead. Darkspawn taint got him. She had to kill him."

Fenris shook his head. "Worse than I imagined then. The mage couldn't help him?"

Varric sighed. "No, we tried. She stayed with her brother while we tried to find the Grey Wardens that were supposed to be down there. Anders said they were Carvers only hope. But they were gone, and by the time we got back she had already put Carver out of his misery." He stared at the wall. "She wasn't the same after that."

"I've noticed," Fenris said flatly. He paced as he spoke. "Anything else happen?"

"Well," Varric chuckled, "my good for nothing brother abandoned us there. Tried to lock us away to keep the fortune for himself. In doing so though we found a lot more on the way out. The trip itself wasn't wasted. Hawke has plenty of gold coming her way."

"I'm sure that will replace her dead brother," Fenris said bitterly. Varric opened his mouth to respond, but thought better of it given Fenris' obvious mood.

Fenris thought for a few moments. _So they found their fortune. She would be moving up in the city ranks soon, reclaim her family's estate and live among the nobles. Hardly a lifestyle that has room for a former slave._ "So what now," he asked Varric.

"We're laying low. I'm trying to see if I can get a lead on Bartrand and some buyers for the items we found. We also don't want her mother finding out we're back before she talks to her."

Fenris agreed. "Good idea. She will remain here until she is ready."

Varric nodded. "I'll let the others know she's safe. You know where to find me," he said as he walked towards the front door. "Take care of her elf."

"I will," he said coldly as he shut the door after he left and locked it.

* * *

Fenris returned to the bedroom where Hawke was still sound asleep. He watched her sleep for a time before he himself drifted away. He had restless dreams of the torture he endured as a slave. Often the same dream, visions of being awake as the lyrium was branded into his skin. It was the reason he barely got sleep each night, as the memory of the pain woke him every time. He thought he cried out in his sleep as he woke in a cold sweat, but as he opened his eyes he realized it was her that was crying.

He knelt on the floor and stroked her hair causing her to wake from whatever nightmare she was having. He could only imagine what it was given what he had just learned she had been through. She stirred at his touch and whispered his name. The soft way she called to him pulled at his heart. "I'm here," he said softly as she fell back into her dreams. He stayed with her for a bit longer until he knew she was okay and returned back to the chair where he too fell back asleep.

Hawke woke up a few hours later. She opened her eyes, not sure at first where she was, and saw Fenris asleep in the chair next to the bed. She smiled inwardly and watched him simply breath.

She remembered all he had done for her the night before, an embarrassed flush coming to her cheeks as she recalled the bath. He was so tender and loving and patient. She hadn't expected it, wasn't sure how to show him how much she needed and appreciated him. Lost in thought she didn't realize he was now awake and looking back at her. He gave a sideward smirk like he does. "Morning," he said as he moved his neck to losen whatever stifness had settled in.

She didn't respond but smiled at him, not able to divert her eyes. He leaned forward closer to her. "Sleep well?"

Hawke nodded. "Amazing how good a bed feels after weeks of stone."

Fenris nodded in agreement. "That I can sympathise with." He got up and stretched some more, then held out his hand. "Come," he ordered her again.

She shied away from him this time, pulling the blanket over her head. She mumbled something in protest and he laughed, pulling the covers off the bed. "I will not have you wasting away in my bed Hawke. Let's go."

She huffed but took his hand and he helped her up. He smiled inwardly at her morning dawdling and led her downstairs. "Hungry?" he asked.

She nodded, still a bit tired and worked on the sleep in her eyes. "My turn," she mumbled as she moved past him to the kitchen to find something for them to eat.

"As you wish," he said going to the fire to get it ready for her. As she began pulling out things she needed, he finished with the fire and began boiling water. "I'll wash up first while you prepare your feast."

She muttered something in acceptance, still waking up and trying to decide what to make.

* * *

By the time he returned she had breakfast ready for them and they ate in relative silence. When he was finished, he complimented her on her cooking skills and she took her turn washing up for the day.

They met again by the fire and she sat across from him. He took the opportunity to let her know that he knew what had happened. "I am sorry about your brother Hawke," he stated. She looked at him in surprise. "Varric stopped by," he said in response to her unanswered question.

She turned away from him and stared off into the fire. "Thank you," she whispered.

She heard him get up and could instantly feel the change in his mood. "I should've been there," he said angrily. "I would've taken this burden from you, done something to try and ease this pain."

"There's nothing you could've done Fenris," she said softly, and he knew by the tone in her voice she held all the guilt.

He paced some more. "I never would have let you do it. Someone should have done it for you. I should have been there," he said again, only quieter.

"If you were there he wouldn't have been," she managed to say. "I didn't want you there."

He processed what she said, turmoil building inside him. After a few minutes of silence he went to her, kneeling before her. "I need to know Hawke," he said placing his hands on her knees. "Do you regret me being here instead of him? I know it was a last minute decision to take him instead of me."

She looked into his green eyes and placed her hands gently on his. "I didn't take you because this is what I feared," she said after some time. "I wanted you safe." He looked away, feeling the softness of her hand on his. She reached out to him to remove the hair from his eyes as he looked down. "I do not regret that I am here, that you are with me, and you are safe."

He pulled away from her and stood up, pacing again. She didn't know what to do for him, how to convince him. Any normal person she'd grab and kiss and prove her feelings. But she knew she couldn't do that with him. She tried to find a way to tell him, make him understand. "We started something before the expedition. All I know is my burdens and regrets would be worse if you were not here. I miss my brother terribly and still can not believe he is gone. But I do not know if I could have survived without you."

His guilt now weighed heavily in him. She wants a life with him, but he does not think he can give it to her. She has made this huge personal sacrifice for him, and he does not feel worthy of it. Anger and frustration filled him again as he paced. He was upset with himself for not being normal, not being able to have a normal life, or remember any life before his markings. He knew how he felt about her, but here she was telling him how she felt about him, and instead of happiness, he can only feel despair.

"You're making me dizzy," she said after several minutes of watching him.

He stopped, looked at her, and had to laugh. He wondered if he worried about these things for no reason. He held out a hand to her. "Come," he demanded.

She sighed but took his hand, allowing him to lead her until the basement. He opened a door to a wine cellar. "Take whatever you like," he said opening the cabinets. "We'll face the world tomorrow."

Hawke smiled at him. "I like the way you think." She selected two bottles and he did the same, and they made their way back up the stairs. She went towards the kitchen for glasses, but he held her arm. "Better from the bottle," he said, and she shook her head. "I swear you are my soul mate Fenris," she said as they walked back to the living room. "Now if I could just get into it."

"Here, let me," he said. She handed him the bottle and looked at him curiously. "Watch," he said with a daring smirk. She watched as the markings on his skin began to glow a soft blue. She had seen it happen during battle, but was never able to take it all in. He carefully put his hand through the top of the bottle and pulled the cork out with his hand. He handed her the bottle back.

"That is amazing," she said softly. "And so beautiful."

He did his bottle the same and the markings dimmed to darkness when he was finished. "Beautiful is not how I ever imagined it being described."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, realizing they were headed to a topic they had never discussed. "But since we are not in battle and I can see it clearly? It is beautiful." She paused, gathering the courage to continue. "Do they still hurt," she asked.

Fenris took a long sip from his wine, having not been prepared for this conversation so early in the day they'd spend together. "It doesn't hurt when I use it," he stated, not wanting to elaborate on her obvious unspoken questions."

"Okay," she said. "We'll get back to this when we're on bottle two." She winked at him and he had to laugh. She was starting to get him, and use it against him, and for a minute he wondered if that was really such a bad thing.

"Will we," he said defiantly as he drank some more. "Just what are you planning in that head of yours Hawke? A day of drink and interrogation?" She smiled at him, enjoying the banter that she had missed the last month. "Your smile will not get you out of trouble today woman."

"Oh, is it trouble I am seeking?" She teased him, he knew it, but given her changed mood from yesterday, he didn't fight her on it. If making him slightly uncomfortable helped her take her mind off things, he was willing.

"Perhaps we should take turns asking questions," he suggested, feeling a bit daring himself after half his bottle was gone. "I imagine there's still a lot we should learn about each other. And we have the time and plenty of wine."

Hawke laughed her sweet laugh that melted his heart. He thought after yesterday he'd never hear it again, and resisted all desires to kiss her right then and there. "You are very brave Fenris to suggest such a thing. But I'm in. Let the games begin."


	3. Questions & Answers

He studied her face for a while, wondering what he had just begun and how the afternoon and evening would play out. Opening up to her would be difficult, and he knew she was already preparing difficult questions. He searched her eyes to try and decipher just where she'd begin. It was his move however, and he began with a question that had been haunting him. "Varric mentioned you are soon to be royalty. What are your plans."

Hawke looked into the fire for some time before answering. "I fear my plans differ from my mothers. I want to get her estate back for her. Doing that will return her status, and by association, mine. It's not what I want, but I owe her that much."

Fenris nodded at her response, daring to ask, "no plans to return to Ferelden?"

She shook her head. "One question at a time Fenris," she said taking a long sip of wine. "Since you brought up the future, what are your plans once we find and deal with Denarius?"

He pondered her question and answered honestly. "I have never dared to think of a future without him. I still won't. Ask me again when he is dead."

"Fair enough," Hawke said, trying to think of another easy question while he prepared his next.

"What will do you without the goal of the expedition? You've worked odd jobs for the coin to go, and now you don't have to work. What's next for you Hawke, politics?"

She almost spit the wine she had in her mouth. "No, Maker no politics. I'd be terrible at that." She thought on it for a few minutes. "Maybe travel, certainly take some time off to relax."

He seemed disappointed at the sound of her traveling, so she continued, "but I'm sure none of that will happen any time soon. Something will come up as it always does."

Fenris took another sip, seeming a bit more satisfied with that answer. "That has proven to be true so far. It seems even when you aren't looking for trouble, it finds you."

"What's that supposed to mean," she said trying to look hurt.

He laughed. "Shall I recount all the trouble we have been in since we've met?"

Hawke smiled. "I'm sure you can't recall all of it. I certainly can't."

Fenris smirked at the challenge. "Where to start," he said staring at her with all the seriousness he could muster. "The templar Keran and his possible possession. The endless hunt for Feynriel and the pleasure of ripping out the heart of Danzig, as well as squeezing the life out of that Magistrate's son Kelder. Grace and Decimus. Dragons in the Bone Pit. That crude idiot in Hightown and his wife Ninette. Finding random objects such as stone toes and returning them to their owners. Then there was that chantry boy Sebastian and avenging his family."

"Wow," she said, "I'm impressed."

He continued. "Of course there was also your uncanny ability to get mixed up in the Qunari. Javaris, Sister Patrice, Tal-Vashoth, Saemus…trouble Hawke, it follows you."

"Need I remind you how we met," she said teasingly. "I believe it was you who led me into trouble."

Fenris shook his head. "Need _I_ remind _you_ it was Anso who gave you that job, and he got your name from your former employer, a mercenary if I recall Varrics tales of how you got into Kirkwall correctly."

She sighed, resigned to the fact that he won this challenge. "Alright you win, I stand corrected. It seems your memory is far better than mine." Immediately after she said it, she realized the consequence of the statement. She saw the flash in his eyes of sadness, and she silently cursed herself for bringing up his memory. She tried to quickly change the subject. "So, uh, who's turn is it?"

"Yours," he said roughly without meaning to.

Hawke looked away, her mind racing with a way to fix this. It came to her quickly. "Okay fine. Why do you never give in to Isabella?"

Fenris almost choked and had to laugh in surprise. "This is your question?"

Hawke nodded, laughing a little at his reaction and thankful the sullen mood changed as quickly as it came. She looked at him curiously as she could see he was going to give her a serious answer.

"I have no memory of a life before these markings. And since, well, there's no time for a relationship when you are a slave. I have no desire to have that first experience I will remember be with someone who will just add me to a list," he paused, "and she tries too hard."

Hawke cleared her throat. "I see, good answer," and she tried not to make a fool out of herself as she thought about what he said. He'd be a virgin then in his own mind, regardless of his hidden sealed off past. She was thankful for this, as she was too, and wasn't ready to admit it.

But of course he pursued the discussion. "Your turn Hawke. Colorful past left in Ferelden?"

She laughed slyly, but gave him the truth. "There has been no one who I've allowed that close, no. Not to say many haven't tried," she winked at him. He looked surprised, and she tried to look hurt. "I'm offended by that look," she stated as she finished her first bottle. "That's okay though. Bottle number two my friend, and my turn."

He laughed at her victorious mood, but teased her as well, "not if I don't open it for you." She pretended to pout and he laughed, extending his hand to take the bottle from her. "I have missed you too," he said, repeating her statement from yesterday.

Again she watched as he opened both bottles, and she dared to ask, "can you phase through someone and not hurt them?"

He nodded matter-of-factly. "Of course. You've seen me aim for the heart of an enemy and crush it. But I could just as easily reach through and remove a piece of broken glass." He seemed to be a little shocked at his own response and how easy and comfortable it came out. "It's always been a necessity for battle and little else. But I was trained in several ways to use them, including some medical techniques for bones and such."

"When can I see the rest of them," Hawke said bravely, not realizing it until after it came out of her mouth.

Fenris wasn't offended however, having a full bottle of wine in his system. "You've had your question Hawke."

She nodded. "Yes, you're correct. Your turn," and she drank some more in preparation.

He stood up and walked over to bench in front of the fire where she was sitting. She swung a leg over so the bench was between her legs, and he sat the same way facing her. "How much patience do you have Hawke," he asked her seriously.

She looked into his eyes, now that he was so close to her. She could see the struggle within, and that this was suddenly very important to him. "As much as someone would need of me I imagine. My father always said I had more patience than the Maker himself."

Fenris smiled. "You don't talk about your father much."

She shook her head. "No, I suppose I don't. Mixed feelings in that. My father," she hesitated with the difficulty in admitting it to him, "was an apostate. He's the one that taught Bethany. They were closer than he and I were, probably because he spent most of his time working with her, teaching her the dangers of blood magic and how to avoid Templars." She looked towards the fire, lost in the memories. "But mother loved him dearly. Left her nobility behind when she ran away with him."

"That could not have been pleasant," he said.

"I don't think it was. Leaving her family, her status, for an apostate. She was engaged to be married when she left. Her future had been planned for her, and she gave it all up to be with him. I guess love gives you the strength to overcome many things." He thought on this for a moment until her soft laugh broke his concentration. "And you just snuck in two questions. I'll have to pay closer attention."

Fenris smirked but said nothing, awaiting her next question. She thought for a moment, and then almost defiantly said, "so my turn, I ask again, might I be able to see your markings now? Since you're so close and all," she said slyly.

"You realize I have never shown them to anyone," he said as he handed her his bottle of wine to hold. "An exception for you," he said as he pulled his shirt over his head.

She took in this rare moment in silence, looking over his chest. The markings did indeed continue from down his neck to across his chest, then down his stomach. He also had some that ran from the front to the sides and she imagined they continued on to his back and below his pants. She also admired the muscles on his chest and arms; she had imagined it several times in her mind, but to see him in the flesh, right in front of her, she found it difficult to think clearly. "I stand by what I said, they are beautiful even if brutal."

"These hurt the most," he said quietly. "At least I think they would as no one touches them but myself."

"So you don't know for certain then if they cause you pain?"

"When I am grabbed in battle or touched without being prepared, I am certain. I'm not entirely sure if I can control them to avoid this pain as I have never tried or had need to try." He stood up and threw his shirt at her. "Same flavor for you," he asked gesturing to her almost empty bottle.

"Yes, please," she said clutching his shirt. She tried to memorize the markings on his back as he walked away, and smelled his shirt as soon as he was gone. His scent was all over it and she melted even more. When she heard him coming up the stairs from the basement, she hid the shirt behind her so he couldn't put it on again, and hoped when he returned he sat close to her again.

He returned a few moments later, retrieving his second bottle and finishing it, then opened their thirds. The room lit up now in a soft blue since he didn't have his shirt on. "I can feel you," she said in wonder when he was finished.

"What do you mean," he asked curiously.

"I felt it this time, the power radiating from you." She felt silly trying to describe it, but she didn't want him to regret showing her this side of him. "It felt like the warmth from the sun, a touch of heat on a cold day."

He looked at her and tried to tell if she was making fun of him, but she wasn't. "You're serious," he stated.

She looked down, somewhat embarrassed now that she had tried to explain. "I'm sorry," she said quickly without looking at him. "I'm sure I sound like an idiot."

He sat down in front of her again, perhaps a little closer as their knees were almost touching. He lifted her chin softly. "Don't ever apologize for being honest with how you feel," he said sternly.

She smiled and nodded in agreement, breaking the akward moment. "Your turn, you get two," she said taking a sip from the newly opened bottle.

He laughed at her enthusiasm and began to search the room for his shirt. He realized with an inward smile that she must have hidden it somewhere. Fenris knew if he didn't have so much wine he would be completely uncomfortable but for tonight he was glad she saw him for who he was and accepted him.

"Why me Hawke," he suddenly needed to know. "Why am I the one to get your attentions?"

She sighed, not sure how to answer that one. "It's silly to ask a heart why it beats," she said, "but I shall try to answer this without sounding like a fool." She took a long sip to finish off her second bottle and gather some courage.

He drank from his bottle as well, eyeing her curiously, wondering what was going on in her head. He liked knowing he could get her this nervous. It was a side to her he was finding quite endearing.

"The first time we met," she began, "you had asked me what we found in the chest in the abandoned warehouse. When I told you it was empty, your face, in that moment, revealed everything. You moved past it quickly, but your expression haunted me for days. I wondered what you were hoping for, what you were struggling to find. As we spent more time together, you never had that expression again." She took another sip and continued, "in that moment, you shared your pain and didn't even realize it, and I suddenly wanted to spend the rest of my life making sure to never see that pain again. I know you hate if someone feels pity for you, and it's not pity I give you. It's admiration, for the strength within you that I desperately seek to have someday."

He let the answer linger a while, looking into her eyes and feeling the truth in her words. "Your second question," she said softly, breaking the silence.

"Do you trust me," he asked in a whisper.

She quickly responded, "with my life."

He removed the bottle from her hand and placed it on the ground next to his. He took her hands in his and she allowed their fingers to entangle. Fenris brought her hand closer to his chest and she resisted slightly. "I trust you as well," he said as he placed her hand on his skin.

The anticipation of pain was so great they both seemed to hold their breath. She left her hand in place with his over it, and she searched him for any sign of discomfort. His eyes were closed, his grip firm, and he was indeed holding his breath.

She stroked his skin with her free thumb and she felt him relax a little under her hand. She could see a tear fall from his closed eyes. "Are you alright," she asked softly, and he took her other hand and placed it on his chest as well.

"Yes," he finally said, when he realized there was no pain, only the heat from her hand on his skin. He finally opened his eyes to look at her, and saw that she too now shed some tears. He removed his hand from hers and wiped away her tears as she moved her hands over his chest and up his neck as if testing to see if it were really true. The realization that he could be touched by someone and feel no pain was overwhelming to both of them. "I believe it's your turn," he said.

Hawke continued to carress him softly, not wanting to pull away and realizing their game was getting a lot more serious. She dared to ask, "will you kiss me?"

He gave his usual half smile at that, now moving one had to brush the hair out of her face. With his other hand, he cupped her chin and leaned forward. "Yes," he whispered as he moved towards her. He placed his lips on hers softly, first licking her lips with his tongue and she opened her mouth to him. They found each other, warmth and longing being expressed by the dance of their tongues. He'd brush her tongue with his, long strokes up and she'd return with soft quick strokes of her own. Hawke occasionally pulled away slightly to bite at his lower lip, but he'd only penetrate her mouth again with force, tasting the sweet wine she had mixed with his. He pulled her even closer, not parting ways as their tongues continued to explore each other. Her hands now moved under his arms and up and down his back. His hands lovingly held her face to his. A soft moan from her pulled at his heart as well as his groin and he gently pulled away.

They disengaged from each other, and he finally broke the silence. "Thank you," he said honestly.

"Whatever for," she asked breathlessly.

"For helping me realize I can love someone," he said, as if it were obvious.

His declaration took her by surprise. She hadn't expected it from him, ever, except in the quiet of her dreams where she had imagined a moment like this. She responded in kind. "I hope you also realize _you_ can be loved as well."

He smiled, picking up his bottle again and taking a long sip, eyes still locked on hers. She took his lead and drank some more as well. "Your turn," she said shyly, wondering if he'd try to top her previous question.

And he did. "Care to take this upstairs?"


	4. In Dreams He Came

Hawke gulped hard, and Fenris laughed at how sweetly shy she really was. This skilled rogue he had seen slaughter countless victims was suddenly very cute, very shy, and very vulnerable. What he hadn't expected was her sudden bravery. "Hardly fair of you to be shirtless and not I," she said as she removed her shirt with one quick action, revealing herself to him.

He caught himself staring in awe as she threw her shirt at him, took his bottle out of his hand, and ran upstairs without him. He shook his head laughing, tossing her shirt on top of his as he made his way up the stairs after her.

When he entered the bedroom, he saw that she had lit the candle near his bed and had removed the rest of her clothes. She kneeled on the bed looking innocently at him. "Hmm," he said closing the door behind him. "Who's turn was it? I find myself suddenly very distracted."

Hawke held out a hand for him and pulled him closer to her. "No more questions," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. As they once again found each other, she moved her hands down his back, and began working him out of his pants. He never broke from her, kicking his pants off and embracing her back so he could gently lay her down. He positioned himself next to her, running his fingers down her arm and then down her thigh, tickling her playfully at his soft touch.

They spent some time exploring each other, touching and kissing and enjoying the new found freedom he never knew he had. He broke the silence only once, with one final question to end their game. "Are you certain you want this," he asked, knowing it would be her first time as well as his.

She pulled away slightly, looking into his eyes, "I have never wanted anything more," she said as she kissed him again and officially offered herself to him.

They made love that night, slowly and tenderly and lovingly. Discovering each other, learning each others wants, needs, and desires. He was gentle with her, first preparing her for him with his tongue, then his fingers, and finally him. She made soft noises that broke him every time, wanting to devour her and make her completely a part of him. Their first time was perfect for both of them, allowing a brief pause for a second time and then a third. As they settled into each other they drifted off to sleep, still clinging to each other not wanting to part even in dreams.

* * *

Hawke's dreams were frightening. Fenris, chained collar sinking into the flesh of his neck, attached to the foot of Denarius' bed. She was in the corner of the room, watching him struggle to sleep, and she tried to go to him but found she couldn't move. Denarius stirred in his sleep and immediately and obediently Fenris was awake in case his master needed something. She shook her head, trying to remove the image from her mind, but he was still there, the lapdog to his master.

"Pathetic, isn't it," she heard behind her, and it was Fenris. "Every night the same, no way out."

She looked at him. "Is this your dream or mine?"

"Don't know," he said watching himself try to fall back into some sleep. "I have this one often. It seems I can't escape it even when I am happy."

She looked back at the slave Fenris, tears forming in her eyes. "This part of your life is over. Can't you let it go?"

"No," she heard softly behind her. "As long as he is alive he can haunt me like this."

"Are you saying he does this to you on purpose?"

Fenris nodded. "He's always been able to control my dreams. I think that's how he finds me so easily. He's in my head even now."

Hawke let out a sigh. "I would much like to get him out of here," she said. "He has no place here anymore."

"If only it were that easy," Fenris said now standing over the sleeping Denarius. "I have tried many times to kill him here, but it never works. You being here puts you in danger. You should go before he discovers you."

"I don't know how," she said quietly as if not to wake the beast.

But he stirred, as slave Fenris jumped again to be at this side if needed. Dream Fenris grabbed Hawke and pushed her behind him. Denarius' eyes opened and looked right at the two, ignoring his lapdog next to him. "Ah my little wolf, it seems you have a weakness after all."

Fenris snarled in anger. "I am no longer yours, and I will kill you before you touch her."

He laughed an evil, disturbing laugh. "We'll see about that," he said yanking the chain of slave Fenris. "Always mine," he reminded Fenris as he snapped his fingers. In an instant Hawke was now on the bed chained to each post, and completely naked. "I imagine she makes for a much better slave than you," he said running his hands down Hawke's bare chest. "I am going to have fun with her."

Hawke whimpered under Denarius' touch, tears falling freely. "Fenris, please make him stop."

But Fenris found he couldn't move, and as Denarius laughed he sent a fireball to Hawke's stomach, flesh scorching under the spell and Hawke cried out in pain. "Submit my pet, you two are now mine."

Fenris screamed and instantly woke up. He looked at Hawke, still sleeping naked in his arms, but her body was stiff and shaking. He wondered if she was in his dream after all. He ran his hand down her side to gently wake her, and finally she stirred under his touch. She was quiet, awoken from some horrible nightmare about Denarius she didn't want to share with him. She tried to put it out of her mind, "morning already," she mumbled as she wiped the tears before he could see them.

"It appears so," he said as he kissed her shoulder. "Sleep well," he dared to ask.

She shrugged, not wanting to lie to him but not wanting to admit the truth. "You?"

"The same," he said.

She grabbed his arm and pulled it around her. "Can we stay like this forever?"

He laughed softly behind her. "I imagine the smell would get to us after a while. And we would starve."

"Oh yeah," she said, mad at him for ruining her fantasy.

"Hawke," he said a bit more seriously than he meant to. "Your heart is racing. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she said immediately pulling away from him and sitting up. "I guess I should get moving," she said rubbing her eyes and trying to focus.

Fenris sat up on the opposite side of the bed and pulled his pants on. "Fine," he said harshly. "Keep your secrets." He walked around the bed and passed her and he could see she was now embarrassed. It wasn't how he planned to start the day after the night they had shared, but she wasn't trusting him again and that bothered him. He left her to go downstairs and prepare the fire for breakfast.

Hawke let the tears come as she heard him go. Already he was upset with her, only because she didn't want to start the day talking about his past. But her dream frightened her, the touch of Denarius still on her skin as he stroked her skin, burning her flesh, telling her how beautiful the lyrium markings would make her. Fenris had thankfully awoken her then, but she could still feel the burn on her chest.

His keen elf hearing heard the quiet sobs from upstairs and he cursed himself for not being gentle with her. He quietly returned to her, now curled up and whimpering softly, not even noticing he was there. "Hawke," he said soothingly, and she looked at him feeling foolish. He sat on the bed and brought her to him, allowing her to cry in his arms. He stroked her hair and held her close until she calmed down.

"It was only a stupid dream," she said finally, as she tried to compose herself.

"Do you wish to talk about it," he offered again, afraid of what she'd say.

His fears were confirmed. "It was Denarius," she said quietly, ashamed and afraid to even say his name.

Fenris kissed her head. "So we did share the dream."

She looked at him. "It was really you there?"

He nodded. "Which also means Denarius was there, and he knows about you."

"Will he come after you now because of me," she asked getting upset again.

"More like he will come after _you_ because of _me_." Fenris pulled away from her and began pacing the bedroom. "I can not wait any longer for him to come here. I must find him and take care of this."

"What about me," she asked. "You're not going to leave me here while you look for him are you?"

"It is too dangerous. I will not risk it."

"So you're going to leave me," she said again, looking away. He sighed, not knowing what to do or how to comfort her. He walked back over to her and held her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. The tears returned, and her eyes begged him to stay. "You can't go," she said sternly through the tears, "I forbid it."

He laughed and kissed her, pushing the tears away with his thumbs. "You forbid it do you," he said teasing her.

She pulled him on to to the bed, pinned him down and jumped on top of him. "Yes," she said as she bent down to hiss him, her still bare breasts pushing against his chest.

He moaned at the feel of her as her tongue slipped under his guard. She continued to hold both his arms down as she teased him, moving over him slowly through his pants, and she could feel the effect she was having on him.

He playfully struggled against her, and she tried her hardest to keep him pinned down, but it didn't last. With one quick burst of light, his markings lit up the room as her hands completely phased through his arms where she was holding him down. In a swift agile motion while she was distracted, he took the advantage and moved on top of her flipping her over and pinning her down instead. Her chest now on the bed and back towards him, she struggled under his tight grasp but couldn't move. He kicked off his pants as he held her, pressing his chest into her back and not letting her move.

She laughed. "That is completely unfair," she protested as he held her wrists in place on the bed.

He leaned over her and whispered in her ear. "Are you saying you don't want this?"

She moaned and closed her eyes as his breath and sound of his voice drove her crazy. She felt herself pushing back against him and slowly got on her knees to invite him to take her.

He wasted no time, discovering she was already wet for him. He entered her slowly from behind, enjoying the new way she felt and having full control of her. She pushed against him in rhythm to his movements, and he had to hold back several times, not wanting to end the game so soon.

She kept her head down, moaning softly with each thrust he pushed into her. He was on top of her and behind her, holding on to her wrists above her. He was breathing heavily in her ear which drove her even further over the edge. Her moans because louder until they were almost screams, and he couldn't hold back anymore. He released inside of her and she accepted, waves of ecstasy going through both their bodies at the same time.

Slowly he rolled off her and held her against him. "It seems my thoughts are irrational when it comes to you," he said after some silence, running his hand along her arm. "I am willing to do anything to protect you."

She sighed, kissing the back of his hand that was beneath her. "You need to remember you are not alone in this. You have friends now, you have me, we all look out for each other."

They remained silent a little longer, holding each other and lost in their own thoughts. Eventually, against her will, she stirred away from him. "Didn't you say we couldn't stay in bed all day?"

"What if I changed my mind, he said even though he got up with her.

She smiled softly at him, then began to scan the room. "Did I even bring my stuff here?"

Fenris nodded. "It's downstairs. I took the liberty of cleaning it for you."

Hawke looked at him in surprise. "When did you have time to do that?"

"You slept a while when you first got here. I had time."

She shook her head in wonderment. "You really are amazing," she said as she stretched.

"I'll bring it up so you can get dressed while I start breakfast," he said as he put his pants back on.

* * *

They ate in relative silence, the weight of the day ahead lingering in the air. After breakfast they both got washed up and dressed and began making their way through Kirkwall. The walk from Hightown to Lowtown was a long one, and they spent that too in silence. As they approached her home, Hawke hesitated at the bottom of the stairs. Fenris rubbed her back in support. "I'm right behind you," he said, and she nodded. Slowly she went up the stairs, careful not to make a sound to alert them to her presence too soon. He noticed her breathing becoming very controlled, as if she was forcing herself to breath even though she didn't want to. She opened the door and walked in, Fenris right beside her, as her mother and uncle both came out of different rooms to see who had come in.

Immediately her mother exclaimed, "my daughter, you've come home!"

"Mother, you remember Fenris," Hawke introduced, trying to stall the inevitable.

"Where's Carver," Leandra asked hesitantly.

Hawke paused, not sure how to phrase it. "He's not coming home mother."

Leandra looked at her puzzled. "Will I ever see him again," she dared to ask.

"He's gone," a pause, "I'm sorry."

Hawke wasn't prepared for what happened next, but Fenris was. Leandra had lunged forward and begun attacking her own daughter. Fenris jumped behind Leandra and held her back as she screamed. "Why are you alive and not my son," she yelled. "Both my babies are gone." She collapsed to the floor hysterical, and all Hawke could do was back away.

"I'm so sorry mother," she said softly, tears forming in her eyes from the pain she had caused.

Her mother stopped crying for a moment to look up at her. "You've let both my babies die, how could you?"

Hawke said nothing, just leaned against the front door watching her mother fall apart. Fenris was still holding on to her, and spoke for Hawke. "You should remember your other child is right in front of you, and she has just lost her brother as well."

It was a useless statement however, both Leandra and Hawke didn't hear it as they were lost in grief.

Leandra managed to yell once more at Hawke to get out, and she did so. Fenris looked towards her uncle, who now knelt down to comfort his sister. "Go," Gamlen said to Fenris. "Go after her. I've got Leandra."

And so Fenris released his hold on Leandra who didn't even notice, and ran out after Hawke.

She had not gone far, standing just outside the door with her head down. He came up behind her and ran his hands down her arms. That's when he noticed she was breathing heavily, and very very cold. He moved to face her. "What is it," he asked alarmed at her pale expression.

She tried to gather enough strength to answer him, but barely got it out. "I can't breath," she managed to say, holding on to the railing for support.

He tried for several minutes to calm her down, but nothing was working. Finally Fenris led her down the stairs and brought her down the road to the Hanged Man. She was beside him, now clutching her chest while gasping for air. He pulled her through the empty bar and up to Varrics room. Varric looked up from the table where he was cleaning his crossbow.

Fenris stopped while holding Hawke upright to tell Varric, "go get the mage."

Varric didn't hesitate, sensing the urgency in his voice and seeing Hawke looking very fragile and weak. He immediately left for Darktown to get Anders.

Fenris lay Hawke down on the bed, as she had grown very silent while still struggling to breath. "Talk to me Hawke, tell me what's happening."

She looked at him with frightened eyes. "My chest hurts," she said while gasping for air. "My heart feels like it's going to explode. I can't," she paused, "I can't catch my breath."

"Try to relax," he said stroking her hair. "Concentrate on breathing."

She nodded but curled up into a ball, bringing her knees close to her chest. "It hurts Fenris," she said again, now crying in pain.

He took her hand and held it. "Squeeze my hand if it'll help. Anders will be here soon."

She held on to him for a few minutes, but he noticed after a while her breathing was slowing and she was no longer holding on to him. He put his head down closer to her chest to listen to her heart beat, but was met with silence. Her heart was no longer beating.


	5. Don't Say Goodbye

Hawke was still breathing, barely, and Fenris immediately removed his glove. He lit up the room as his markings began to glow, and he reached into her chest. He carefully felt for her heart and confirmed it was no longer functioning on it's own. He unphased his hand just enough inside her to hold her heart and gently started pumping it for her. She continued to breath, which he took as a good sign, so he continued to help her heart beat as he waited for Varric to return with Anders.

Every minute that passed seemed like hours. He watched her close her eyes and relax under his touch. She looked like she was asleep, but he noticed her shallow breathing slow even more as time went on. Fenris cursed to himself for not taking her straight to Anders himself, and couldn't help shake the feeling that Danarius was somehow responsible.

As the anger built inside him, he heard Varric and Anders running up the stairs. Varric's eyes went wide when he saw the room in a glow. "Elf," he said, "what are you doing?"

Anders looked at Fenris horrified as well, but Fenris urged them to hurry. "I am keeping her heart beating; stop wasting time glaring."

They both took a moment to realize he wasn't joking, and Anders immediately went to her side. "I don't know if this will hurt you," he said, and Fenris closed his eyes. "If I stop she dies. Do what you must."

Anders immediately went to work, light shooting from his hands into her body. Fenris felt the magic immediately through her and into him. Pain shot through him, making his markings appear brighter, enough that Varric almost had to look away. Images flashed in his mind of a past he never knew. A woman, a child, playing outside in a courtyard with guards at each door. Torment, torture, pain, suffering, emotions flooded him as he struggled to keep control for Hawke's sake. He clenched his teeth, kept his eyes closed tighter than before, and his other hand was grabbing on to the bed with force.

"You okay elf?" Varric asked him.

"I can not take much more," Fenris replied in a low, shaky, and haunting voice.

Varric looked to Anders, who nodded, working quickly as his magic repaired the damage to her heart. The second Fenris felt it beat on it's own he withdrew, his hand singed as if it were burned by the lyrium again.

"You should let Anders look at that," Varric said noticing the swelling begin.

Fenris ignored him, putting his glove back on as the pain shot through his arm.

"This was not natural," Anders stated as his magic dissipated, and Hawke seemed to gain some color back in her face. "Magic did this to her."

Varric looked from Anders to Fenris. "Where were you two?"

"Her mothers," Fenris muttered, drops of sweat forming on his forehead from the pain he was still feeling. "But I think I know who is behind this."

Anders leaned against the wall, drained from the magic it took to heal Hawke. "You think your former master did this don't you."

Fenris ignored Anders, disgusted that magic had hurt her and also saved her. He looked towards Varric, "Watch her. I need to get out of here.," he said as he walked passed him and out of the tavern.

Hawke stirred on the bed in front of them, and Varric went to her. "Rise and shine Hawke. Welcome back to the living."

She looked at him and smiled, then noticed Anders. "What happened?" she asked.

Anders moved to sit down in the chair Fenris had been in. "We lost you for a while. Your heart stopped beating."

"How," she prodded, not understanding how she got from her mothers to Varrics.

Anders filled her in on Fenris' theory, and Varric filled her in on how Fenris kept her alive. Hawke looked at both of them in disbelief, wanting to find Fenris to see if he was alright. She tried to sit up, but realized she was too weak to move. "You should rest tonight," Anders said. "It took most of my energy to heal you, and I don't think he's in the mood for company right now."

Hawke sighed, not wanting to stay but knew by the exhaustion she felt that she wouldn't be able to chase Fenris even if she wanted to. "Finally got me in your bed," she joked to Varric.

He laughed. "Get some rest Hawke, you've earned it. I'll see if I can't find the elf for you to ease your mind. I'm sure he's fine."

She nodded, closing her eyes and drifted to sleep.

* * *

He was waiting for her in her mind when she slept. Danarius immediately had her chained on the bed, one arm to each post above her and one leg to each post below. She looked around the room for Fenris, but couldn't see him.

"Don't bother looking for help, he's not here," Danarius said as he read her mind. "He hasn't slept in a while. I wonder where he is?"

"You better not have hurt him," Hawke said defiantly.

He laughed at her. "I can manipulate your dreams, torture you and your pet, and you think I fear you?" A bolt of light shot out of his hand and hit her in the side. She screamed in pain as she felt and smelt the flesh burn. "You are a stupid girl. I wonder what he sees in you?"

She shook her head as the pain continued, but didn't say a word. "I guess you know now I am in Kirkwall," he said circling the bed, tossing spells at her to bring her more pain. "Hurting you here is less fun than earlier, but I may have to take you when I capture Fenris for some added pleasure."

Hawke panicked, mind racing with fear at the thought of him in the city. She tried to force herself to wake up so she could find and warn Fenris, but Danarius' laughter filled her head. "So full of fire. I will have fun breaking you. Perhaps you'd like some matching lyrium scars of your own?"

She said nothing, staring at him with hatred. This only angered Danarius as he leaned over the bed to lick her face. "Tasty too, I'll enjoy you my sweet." Another spell hit her side, and another, but she took each blow quietly, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of hearing her scream.

He sat on the bed next to her, and moved his finger between her chest and down her stomach, searing a line of fire into her flesh. She closed her eyes and turned away as the sound of her scorching skin and pain almost made her vomit. From behind Danarius came a voice. "You will not touch her again."

Danarius laughed and Hawke cried out, "Fenris he's in Kirkwall, you have to get out of here!"

Fenris looked at Hawke, then at Danarius, not sure what to do.

"This is quite the dilemma for you little wolf is it not? Stay asleep and comfort her in her dreams, or wake up and run? Well let me settle it for you. Either way, I win, as Hadriana is also in Kirkwall and will get to one of you while you're here with me. I wonder who she'll find first?"

Hawke was breathing heavy now, the pain and fear rushing through her. Fenris felt her fear as they shared the nightmare, and he was more concerned for her heart as she endured this torture. He figured the only way to free them was to weaken Danarius, so he attacked him.

Each punch landed as he wanted, but Danarius' laughter kept up as he hit Fenris with one of his spells. "This is my playground slave, you can not hurt me here."

Fenris was thrown back against the wall, and Danarius froze him in place. "And as for your mistress here," he said grabbing her throat, "I am going to enjoy choking the life out of her while you watch."

Hawke screamed slightly as his hand clamped down around her throat. Fenris couldn't move; he could only watch in horror as she lashed on the bed in pure panic. Fenris' former masters laughter increased when her struggles slowed beneath him and she almost lost her life.

He withdrew before that could happen, and Fenris breathed a sigh of relief when he heard her coughing. Danarius walked towards him, who was still frozen in his spell. "What would you do for your woman's freedom?"

Fenris looked at her laying helpless in the bed. She stared at him shaking her head. "My freedom is nothing without you," she said.

Danarius lashed back with a bolt of magic to her chest. She screamed.

"Her life for yours. Decide quickly little wolf, before I change my mind."

As Fenris was about to speak, another voice entered the room. "You will not do this here," it said, and in an instant, Danarius was gone, all of his spells broken. Fenris was no longer froze, and Hawke was no longer bound to the bed. She looked down at her chest, which was no longer burnt.

Fenris ran over to her. "Are you alright," he asked her, caressing her cheek.

She nodded through tears. The mysterious voice revealed itself at the door. Hawke looked in shock. "Feynriel? But how?"

"I've been learning a lot from the keeper," he said of his new Dalish family. "That man will not bother your dreams again. Blood magic has no power over a Dreamer."

Hawke thanked him, then looked at Fenris. "You have to go. If he finds you again…"

Fenris nodded. "There is much I need to tell you, but now is not the time. I have already made preparations to leave." He kissed her on the forehead. "Stay with the others and be safe. I will return when I can."

Hawke began to panic, not realizing he was really going to leave now. "Before now you were leaving? Why? You knew he was here?"

They hadn't noticed Feynriel left them to the privacy of their dreams, and Fenris walked away from her. "When you were," he paused, "dying, I felt as if I was losing everything. And that was true, I was. When Anders healed you, the magic flowing within you reacted to my markings. I began to have…flashes, visions, of my past."

"What did you remember," Hawke asked.

"Not a lot, but to know the memories are there...I have to find out. I had family Hawke, I have to find them."

She looked away from him. "So you really are leaving then. Were you planning on saying goodbye or were you just going to go?"

"I can't have Danarius use my family against me. I have to find them, make sure they are safe. You are fine where you are with Varric and Anders and the others."

Hawke stood up. "I am not doing this here. Where are you? Come to me before you leave or I will come to you."

Fenris pleaded with her. "It is better we say goodbye here, in our dreams. If I was with you I would not have the strength to leave you."

She began to cry. "So don't go. What if they find you first? At least let me make sure you are safely gone."

He went to her and wiped the tears from her cheek. "You do not understand how hard this is for me to leave you, but please understand why I must. You are safe where you are. I will be fine."

Hawke fell to her knees and sobbed, begging him not to go. He knelt beside her. "Please do not do this Hawke. Please understand. I need to know you are taken care of while I'm gone. You need to take care of yourself and be safe. And I need to do this."

She stopped crying and looked at him. Defiantly, and stubbornly, she said "I'm coming to find you," and she woke up.

* * *

She looked around the room, unfamiliar with her surroundings at first, but then remembered where she was. The Hanged Man. She gathered what strength she could and got out of bed, discovering that Varric and Anders were not in the room. She opened the door slightly and saw them downstairs at one of the tables playing a card game. Hawke quickly found her weapons and snuck out the back window to look for Fenris.

She checked the mansion first, and was horrified to see that it was messier than usual. At first she thought it was signs of a struggle, but then she realized it was just Fenris leaving hastily. His clothes were gone, all of his weapons missing, and it almost appeared as if he was never there this last year. She went to the basement and found the wine cellar still looked the same, nothing missing since their last night together.

Her next stop was the Wounded Coast. She knew from past conversations that he had often used one of the caves there when he needed to get away from "city life" as he called it. As she approached the cave she heard movement and ran towards it, hoping to get to him before he could leave.

As she turned around a hill towards the cave entrance, Hawke was grabbed from behind. Before she could yell for help, a hand came over her mouth to silence her. She was pulled back into the thick bushes, and a whisper came to her ear. "I mean you no harm, but you almost walked into a trap. Please do be quiet for a moment."

She stopped struggling against her captor and looked towards the cave. Her captor spoke the truth; several men exited the cave followed by a woman. "Set up camp here," the woman ordered. "If he returns, we'll take him. Keep an eye out for the girl as well. Danarius is sure she'll come before the night is over."

Hawke felt herself lose her balance, but the stranger who held her held her upright. "Your friend is not here," the male voice stated. "He left an hour ago. I will release you now, but please don't try to kill me, I've had a long day."

He did as promised, removing his hand from her mouth and released her arm. She turned around to look at the elf in front of her. "Who are you," she asked.

"My name is Zevran, friend of Isabela's. Come, there is much we need to discuss."


	6. Warmth

They began walking, though she didn't know where they were going. Hawke tried to size up her new elf companion: handsome, mysterious, but softness radiated from him. "We're not going back to Kirkwall," she asked, noticing the path they were on was the opposite direction of the city.

"No," Zevran said. "We will not make it back before nightfall. And since both of us thought very little of the immediate future and brought no supplies, we need to go somewhere safe for the night."

As they trekked through side paths and brush to avoid being in the open, Hawke realized there was no hope now of finding Fenris. He had a good head start to wherever he was going, and he obviously was intent on doing it alone. Sadness came over her, and her new companion took notice.

"You are far too beautiful to have such sad eyes," he said. "Your friend is safe for now, and not alone, though he thinks he is."

"What do you mean he's not alone?"

"As I was tasked to follow you on your adventure, Isabela has followed him on his."

This made Hawke feel both better and worse. He wasn't alone now, but he was with her, someone who has made no secret that she wants to bed him. Would he? After time apart, would he fall for her charms?

Zevran read her expression perfectly. "She has no plans on revealing herself to him, unless the situation warrants it. She knew you'd want someone with him."

"Then why didn't you go," Hawke asked before she realized just how jealous she sounded.

"Because my dear, she knew she couldn't keep up with you. I am faster and more skilled than she in the art of stealth."

Hawke sighed. "I don't wish to sound ungrateful, I too have had a long day."

Zevran winked at her. "Let us get some food and rest. We have arrived."

* * *

She hadn't realized it, but they were now at the Dalish camp. They seemed to welcome Zevran with open arms, as if he had been here before. Attitudes towards her were a bit different, as she was now known as the one who associates with Merrill. Hawke tried to find Feynriel in the darkened camp, but didn't see him anywhere.

They approached the keeper, Marethari, who greeted them warmly. "My dear," she said to Hawke, "you have had a difficult day. How do you fair?" Hawke shrugged and sighed, not bothering to ask how the keeper knew of her troubles. "Please let me make sure you have done no further damage. I do not want your death here tonight."

Zevran addressed the keeper. "She is going to die?"

Marethari smiled. "She did die today, did you not?"

Hawke nodded, avoiding eye contact with both of them out of embarrassment. "This will only take a moment. Come, then we shall enjoy some dinner."

Marethari led them into her tent for some privacy, and they sat down near the warming stove inside. The keeper harnessed her magic and directed it towards Hawke. Immediately Hawke felt the warmth of her power go through her. After a few minutes the keeper withdrew. "Your heart is healing nicely, although I can do nothing about the sadness it holds. Try to remember we all must do what we must do, and he is no different. Only when you are both whole can you be together."

Hawke nodded and thanked her for her wisdom, even though it was of little comfort. They were given a tent and some rations, a warming stove and some clothes to change into. Although they were invited to the main campfire for some late night company, Hawke politely declined and Zevran opted to stay with her.

* * *

Hawke got cleaned up and changed as Zevran did the same, and they retired to their space away from the camp so the noise would not disturb them. As Hawke lay on the bedroll exhausted but unable to sleep, Zevran put more wood in the stove to keep the chill out for the night.

"So what's your story," Hawke asked Zevran to break the silence.

"I have several my dear, which would you like to hear?"

She shrugged, sitting up to get closer to the stove for some warmth. "Whichever you feel like sharing with a stranger."

Zevran sat across from her, taking a sip of water from his bag. "You will learn I do not keep many of my own secrets. Everyone else's' is safe, but I have little to hide. As a former slave and Crow, I was never entitled to such luxuries as secrets."

Hawke sighed. "I am beginning to wonder if I will ever meet an elf who has not suffered in their past."

He nodded. "I imagine you will find very few, although I did not suffer as you would think. My mother was a whore who died when I was born. I was raised by whores who took very good care of me until I joined the Crows. I was a slave to them being so young, but they also taught me everything I know about survival."

Hawke grabbed a blanket and put it around her shoulders, not being able to shake the chill out of her body. "So you had no choice in joining the Crows? I hear if you live in Antiva, being a part of the Crows is the best job you can get. You must be good."

Zevran shook his head. "It was only so long that the whores would raise me. Once I began acting out as I imagine all young boys do, they were done with me. I'm glad for what they did though. As I said, rough beginning but worth it in the end. As a Crow I had not only respect, but the ability to do pretty much anything I pleased."

He stood up and walked behind her, kneeling down and rubbed her arms. "You are freezing," he said.

She laughed. "I am, thank you." She allowed the closeness of him to warm her and prodded him some more. "How did you meet Isabela?"

"Ah, Isabela," he said adjusting the blanket around her. "We met in Antiva. She had a husband she didn't like and I had a contract to kill him. It was a mutual and beneficial friendship."

"And sexual," Hawke added assuming.

"Of course," he didn't deny it. "I am a very sexual person by nature as is she. It was inevitable."

Hawke shook her head. "Maybe I am too inexperienced to understand how you can be with someone and not love them."

Zevran laughed. "Oh I love them all in some way. The very act itself is about loving and appreciating someone, no? There doesn't always have to be a deep relationship. Take our situation for example. It's a cold night, we are alone, both lonely from what I can see in your eyes. Would you not want to be held and appreciated and loved if only for a night?"

She turned to look at him to make sure he wasn't joking. He laughed. "I don't wish to make you uncomfortable," he said. "It's who I am. I take pleasures where I can find them, it's how I live. Everyone has needs at times, and people like Isabela and myself who are used to being on the road so much, do what we can where we can."

"And you never develop feelings for anyone you've been with?"

"Ah," he laughed. "Of course. I am not heartless. You won't be able to truly understand until you try. I am not saying with me, unless you want to. But there is something to be said for getting lost in a stranger."

She turned back around as he began to massage her back. "There are many cruel and difficult days one must endure in our line of work. Why not have beautiful evenings to counteract them?"

Hawke nodded. "What you say makes sense. I think for me my heart is too big and would care for someone if I tried it. That just leads to complications."

"Love can be controlled, just like anger," he said. "It is an emotion you either give in to or you don't." He moved back in front of her and sat down facing her again. "I cherish every moment I spend with someone and do everything my skills will allow to help them forget the bad for a few hours. In the morning we go back to our difficult lives, but have a pleasant memory to fall back on."

"Are you trying to convince me so I'll try it with you," Hawke laughed.

Zevran chuckled. "I would not say no my dear. I am simply trying to open your mind to such things. Remember the last sunrise you saw, and you paused to appreciate it's beauty?"

She nodded.

"It's just like that. You stop, appreciate, get lost in it for a moment, and then you move on."

Hawke found herself really thinking about what he said. Imagining a life on the road being alone, but still feeling close to someone even if for one night. It was starting to make sense. "How do you know the other person is interested in the same thing," she asked after some silence.

"Everyone has their ways. Isabela flirts to test the waters so to speak. I try to be more obvious if I am interested. These things usually happen when there is little time, so why waste it with talk?"

He laid out his bedroll and moved his daggers under his pack that he prepared to use as a pillow. "It is getting late my dear. If you wish to travel to Kirkwall in the morning, we should probably get some sleep."

She watched him as he prepared his bed, fascinated by the things she had heard. He paused for a moment. "You think too much my dear. Come lay down with me, I wont make a move unless you wish it, but it would be warmer for both of us if we lay together."

She snapped out of her thoughts and stood up, gathering her bedroll to move near him. He repositioned the stove so it was now near their feet. "I learned the hard way once of sleeping with the stove near your head."

Hawke laughed as the awkward tension left the tent and she lay her stuff next to his. "I have to say Zevran, you are probably the most open and interesting person I have ever met."

"And the most good looking I am sure," he said as he helped her with her things. He turned off the lanterns that had been providing them light, and now only the soft glow within the stove filled the tent.

He laid down first, holding the blanket open for her to get under. She lay down on her side facing him, already feeling the warmth between them. "You were right, I am not nearly as cold this way."

Zevran smiled and brushed the hair out of her face. "I will keep you warm any way you wish," he teased as she grinned.

She watched him close his eyes, and a sudden disappointment washed over her. Thoughts ran through her mind about what he said, and she suddenly wished she wasn't so afraid of his suggestions. "Zevran," she whispered.

He didn't open his eyes, but said "yes my dear?"

She stared at his chest not wanting to make eye contact should he open them. "How exactly would you start something like this, if you wanted to?"

She felt his arm move and lift her chin. His eyes were still closed, but he caressed her cheek. "Starting is easy," he said, "the simplest act." He paused and opened his eyes, looked into hers, and whispered, "all it takes is a kiss."


	7. Desperate Need

Zevran lifted his head and pressed his lips to Hawke's. Soft, gentle, not needing or wanting, but longing and exploring. She responded to his soft touch, feeling his tongue on hers smooth and sweet. Long strokes from his tongue discovered hers and she felt her body responding, wanting more of him.

He repositioned himself so he could hold her head gently to his and moved his other hand slowly up and down her arm. They spent several minutes kissing, exploring the new taste of each other. Zevran broke away for a moment, only to ask, "would you like me to continue my dear?"

Hawke looked into his eyes, seeing no deception or malicious intent. He seemed only eager to show her what he had meant and she felt herself wanting more. She couldn't manage a word, but nodded and closed her eyes as his mouth found hers again.

Zevran moved on top of her supporting himself with his arms while never breaking away from her lips. Hawke could feel his hardness through their clothes, rubbing against her, and she released a soft moan as he pushed it against her. He broke away from their entangled tongues, bringing his knees between her legs to part them. He pulled her shirt up slowly, leaning down to kiss her stomach, then slip his tongue into her naval. He allowed his hands to brush gently against her breasts as he slid her shirt up further. She found herself pushing up to him involuntarily.

But he ignored her and took his time, soft gentle kisses above her belly button to her chest, now kissing between her breasts as each hand found her nipples. Propped up on his elbows he gently squeezed each nipple as he enjoyed the soft moans she was releasing. He continued to kiss up her neck until their lips met again, and he pinched her nipples a little harder as his tongue invaded her mouth.

The sensation of pressure to her breasts was enough for her to feel the wetness come between her legs. Hawke was more than ready for him and she wanted him, but he showed no sign of giving into her just yet.

He left her only long enough to help her finish removing her shirt as then he did the same. Now flesh upon flesh their chests met as he leaned back down blowing soft breaths into her ear as he released a soft moan of his own. The vibration of his voice sent chills through her body and a gasp of air passed her lips.

He made his way back down her neck with his tongue, trailing further down until his mouth now kissed her left breast. She cried a soft whimper as he teased her nipple with his tongue, then sucked sweetly. As he nibbled with his teeth on one, he grabbed her other breast and rubbed her nipple with the palm of his hand. Hawke grabbed at his hair as he moved between breasts, repeating the action until both nipples were hard and erect.

Zevran sat up on his knees, then moved over her so that he was kneeling next to her again. He helped her slide out of her pants and was back on top of her within seconds. He leaned down to tease her nipple with his tongue again as his hand slid down her stomach. Hawke took a deep breath in as his hand moved lower on her stomach. He laughed softly, then inched lower to feel her desire for him. He gently rubbed her between her legs feeling her heat and teased her entrance with his finger. She cried out as he allowed a finger to slip inside, and he immediately kissed her to silence her. She whimpered and moaned, vibrating his mouth and tongue, as his finger moved in and out of her. Slowly his hand moved, a few thrusts of a finger as his thumb caressed her most sensitive spot. A few strokes later he inserted a second finger, and the moans against his tongue let him know she was enjoying herself.

He removed his hand from her a short time later, when he determined from her body movements that she was ready for more. He removed his pants and then brushed the hair away from her face. "Last chance, my beautiful goddess, to end this. I assure you I will not be offended if you say no."

Hawke looked at him with desperation in her eyes, her body crying out for his. "I need you Zevran. I need this." She reached up to pull him down to her and kissed him with a passionate desire. He embraced her, slipping an arm under her neck and pulled her up as they kissed. His other arm moved down between her legs again, gently inserting one finger, then two, and then guided himself towards her entrance.

The whimpers caught in her throat didn't stop as he continued to kiss her and enter her. He was large and she was tight, and he allowed her body time to adjust to his size. Each push inward made her inhale sharply, but he continued to kiss her and help her through it. He pushed halfway in, then back out again, pushing further in each time he moved forward.

"Can you keep quiet little minx, the entire camp will hear you if you keep it up," Zevran said with a twinkle in his eye.

Hawke smiled and giggled, but as she did so his mouth found her nipple again and he sucked hard. As he did, he felt a wave come from within her, and he took that opportunity to push all the way inside her. He left her nipple to take her mouth in again, knowing that final push would cause her to cry out. Instead her scream was muffled by him, and he now moved comfortably deep within her.

She left his mouth to tilt her head back. Eyes closed, she concentrated on not moaning as loud as she wanted to. Zevran took the opportunity to kiss her neck as he pushed faster and harder. Her hips met his rhythm and for a time they were synced perfectly. Zevran lifted her legs and put them on his shoulders, allowing himself to go even deeper within her. Her nails dug into the ground beneath her as she felt her body get weaker and weaker from pure passionate pleasure. He moved slowly, then faster, then slowly again, caressing her legs with his arms. He lifted her leg a bit more to suck on the back of her knee, and the sensation overwhelmed her. She almost literally bit her tongue trying to keep quiet as his thrusts became more forceful.

He slowed down a bit, moving her legs off his shoulders and rolled her on top of him. She sat up on him now, hands pressed to his chest for support as she slowly moved up and down on him. She felt him inside her, felt how her movements made him react, and she felt him get harder as she slid onto him. She leaned down to kiss him, and as she did so he grabbed her hips and helped her move on him, his thrusts upwards now meeting the pace she set.

Hawke pulled away from their kiss, still moving sensually on him, and he looked into her eyes. She met his gaze as Zevran moved his hand slowly up the side of her body, to her neck, and finally tucked her hair behind her ear. Whatever was exchanged between that look in that moment was something Hawke would never forget. Gentleness, sweetness, pure desire and need for her, for this. She knew she'd never be able to explain the feeling that came over her when she looked into his eyes at that very second. She didn't know what it meant, only knew how it felt, and it brought a tear to her eye.

Zevran noticed it immediately and sat up to kiss her cheek. The stray tear lingered on his lips until his tongue brushed it away. He held her hips again, with her now seated in his lap and her legs wrapped around him, and he stopped her from moving completely. He tucked the hair behind her other ear now, continuing to look into her eyes. He moved both hands up and down her back softly, then finally brought them to her face. He held his hands there and kissed her again. To Hawke this kiss felt different than all the others of the night. There was passion and need and desire, but she could've sworn there was also a bit of desperation and sorrow.

He moved her to gently lay her down on her back again, careful not to break the connection of him inside her. While he slowly began pushing into her again, their eyes stayed locked, and a smile slowly came across her face. Zevran smiled with her, the serious moment between them fading back into utter pleasure and heated passion. He moved faster this time, with more determination, power, and force, and once again she was lost in the overwhelming sensation building inside her.

They worked together to bring each other to climax. Zevran felt her go first, tightening around him as she breathed in several times before exhaling. He rode her orgasm as waves washed over him deep within her. He slowed his movements to match her breathing, slowing down as she caught her breath. When she was done gasping for air he kissed her, still inside her.

When she seemed to have calmed down, she was surprised at him as he began to push into her again. He looked at her with a sparkle in his eye. "Certainly you need more than one. It's been a rough day."

Hawke wasn't sure what he meant until he continued to move inside her, and she felt herself getting aroused again. "Oh Maker Zevran, I couldn't possibly," she tried to protest breathlessly.

"Trust me my dear," he said as he lowered his hand between her legs. As he pushed harder he massaged just above her core, and she was digging her fingers into his back at the sensation.

Still tingling from the last orgasm, every thrust into her and gentle rub of his fingers completely blew every thought from her mind. She couldn't think, or move on her own. Her body took over for her, releasing waves of warmth over him. Impossible to her rational mind, another orgasm came stronger than the last, and he quickly kissed her through it so she wouldn't scream.

As she came a second time, so did he, releasing within her. Every touch was now amplified between them, each nerve as sensitive as the other. His tongue remained with hers, and his hand still gently massaged between her legs until he knew she couldn't possibly handle anymore.

Zevran withdrew from her slowly, finally parting from her now very red lips, and rolled onto his side. She turned towards him, body still shuttering in aftershock. He lay out an arm for her head to rest on, and placed his other around her, gently rubbing her back. She curled into him, her own hand mindlessly caressing his chest, and they both drifted off to sleep without another word.


	8. Letters

_Fenris,_

_Since I don't know when you're coming back to me, I decided to start writing you to fill you in on what's been going on in your absence. If you ever send word to where you are, I will send this letter to you (personally if possible!)._

_I found the cave where Hadriana was hiding. She was in that old slave cave you showed me that time when we got stuck in the rain? I almost foolishly ran in there if it weren't for a friend of Isabela's that was keeping an eye on me for Varric. We ended up staying with the Dalish that night, and in the morning I gathered everyone I could to get her. Even Cullen came along, but when we all returned to the caves she had cleared out without a trace. I don't know if she knew somehow that we were coming or if they found out you left, but there's been no sign of her or Danarius in a week._

_I ran into Feynriel while I was at the camp. He assured me that our dreams are our own again. I was disappointed a little, I had hoped to at least be able to know you were alright in our dreams, but Feynriel explained to me it was Danarius keeping us together while we slept, and since the spell was broken so was our connection. He's keeping an ear out for me in the fade to make sure something like this doesn't happen again, or if it does he will stop it sooner. _I have to say I'm glad he's on our side!__

_My mother found me at the Hanged Man last night. She apologized, blamed it on the grief and asked me to forgive her. Of course I will, she's my mother and all I have left now besides my rotten uncle. She asked me to come home but I just couldn't go back there; the memory of her attacking me is still a little too fresh in my mind. I've been staying with Varric so he can keep an eye on me, some promise to you he says he made. I love how overprotective you can be and yet still leave me. I forgive you though, it seems we all make mistakes._

_-Hawke_

* * *

_Fenris,_

_We split up the money from the deep roads as planned to everyone who helped gather the money to go in the first place. Varric finally sold everything and all the gold was distributed evenly, with Carvers take and mine going to my mother (I have yours for when you return). Mother has already firmly planted herself in front of the Viscounts door waiting to be heard on getting the old estate back. It's the first time I've seen any fire behind her eyes in three weeks so I am thankful even though apprehensive. As much as I despise being up all night from the drunks in the bar fighting, I think I will miss it when I am forced to dress all fancy and pretend I'm important. Truth is I'm still just me, and I'd hate for anyone to treat me as anything other than a poor Ferelden who fled from Lothering during the Blight. Oh and maybe still that girl who'll get things done. I won't stop helping people, I've already sworn that to myself and my friends._

_Are you still included in that group? It's been weeks with no word. Do you even care if I'm alright? Do you even wonder how things are back here? I miss you. There's a lot I still want to say to you, things I can't write down but that you need to hear. Come home soon, please._

_-Hawke_

* * *

_Fenris_ _Varic sais I shuld drunk my sorrows away so heres to it, I think writng probably is bad when one feeels lik this but I can nt care any more when you lft me alone and I hd no clue if I mean I still have no clu if you are even ok but I need to know you are ok so I am ok ok? I did a bad thing and you will hate me for ever but I was scard and sad and lonely and stupid and lost and im tired_

* * *

_Fenris,_

_Thank the Maker for small favors that I do not know where you are so I could not send you the last letter I wrote you. Too much ale, not enough sense in the brain, and oh the pain in the morning. I suffered through it though, I did it to myself. You warned me once about the dangers of drinking when sad; perhaps you shouldn't have left then. I am sad without you, sad how we left things, sad I can't talk to you, touch you, hold you, be with you. Where are you? Why have you left me here like this?_

_-Me_

* * *

_Fenris,_

_I realize my last letter sounded a bit depressing so I will steer clear of that today. We are in the process of cleaning up the old family estate. My mothers persistence paid off and it's officially ours. Everyone has been nice enough to help, even Aveline brought over some plants for the entranceway (weird right? Who knew she liked plants!). We'll probably be living there within the next two weeks. I wonder if you'll be back then._

_There has been no sign of Hadriana or Danarius here. While my friends are thankful I am safe, I am afraid they may be near you instead. I can only hope that you are alright and will return soon._

_-Me_

* * *

_Hawke,_

_I know you must be frantic right now but I have not been able to write sooner. We are somewhere in south Seheron, just outside Alam. We hitched a ride from Kirkwall to Cumberland, and then traveled up the Imperial Highway. It took forever to get here! He takes a ship daily to Minrathous and is back by nightfall. You know me Hawke, I love the sea more than anything, but even I am reaching my limits! There is nothing here, I don't understand what he is looking for._

_I know every instinct in your body will tell you to come here, but don't. I have the situation under control and we may already be on our way back by the time you get this. It is clear to me this is a dead end, I think it's just some sick obsession that is holding him here._

_And no he doesn't know about me, at least I don't think so._

_~~~Isabela~~~_

_P.S. Isn't Zevran delicious?_

* * *

_Fenris,_

_I want to be able to see you again with a clear conscience. The night you left and I almost ran into Hadriana, I was a mess. Everything with mother, and then our goodbye, and then almost dying, it was a lot for one person to handle in a day. That's when I met Zevran. He stopped me from getting myself killed, or worse. He brought me to safety and took care of me when I really wasn't ready to take care of myself. That night was hard for me Fenris, and I didn't understand a lot of what was going on in my heart. All these emotions thrown together, I was a mess._

_Something happened that night between me and Zevran. We were both sad and alone and it just happened and I'm sorry. I know we didn't make any promises to each other or anything but I wanted to be honest with you. It's what I needed that night. I feel guilty about how it may effect us in the future, but I wanted to tell you as soon as I saw you again. No secrets between us, it's the only way we'll work. After you come back from this trip we have a lot to talk about._

_I haven't seen Zevran since the hunt for Hadriana and I have no intentions of seeing him again._

_I will not write again, as I feel anything further will have to wait for us to be together. I am waiting for you. Please return to me soon._ _I miss you. And I love you._

_\- Kyra_


	9. Homecoming

Hawke looked around the room for a familiar face, but couldn't find anyone but her mother. Leandra was in her glory, beautifully dressed in an Antivan silk gown, her hair up in a bun and a glow about her. Hawke watched as she moved gracefully from one conversation to another, and realized this is the life her mother had given up for her father. Now having it returned to her, she seemed happy again, somewhat at peace, and moving on with her life.

Unfortunately it seemed Hawke couldn't do the same. Surrounded by most of Kirkwall's finest in her newly reclaimed family estate, all she wanted to do was run and hide. This wasn't her life. She felt naked in the dress she wore, missing the weight of her armor and the familiar tug of her daggers behind her. Her friends had left hours ago, making an appearance for her sake, but feeling just as out of place they retreated to the comfortable atmosphere of the Hanged Man, and Hawke wished she could sneak out and join them. But this was important to her mother, and she owed her, considering all she had done to her.

Random strangers came up to her and smiled, drinks in hand, trying to discuss the troubles of the city. Qunari, mages, templars, Hawke didn't care about any of it. She longed for her bed in Lothering, something simple and familiar and what she always considered safe. Perhaps that was it, she hadn't felt safe in months. Not since the days following her return from the deep roads, with the lyrium tattooed elf that ran away from her.

She sighed, setting her drink down on an end table, and slowly made her way upstairs. She peered over the second floor rail and saw her mother, not noticing her escape but now engaged in conversation with yet another noble. Hawke was thankful for the distractions that allowed her to slip away, and she went into her room.

She closed the door and leaned against it, drowning out the dull hum of conversation below, and closed her eyes. A moments peace, that's all she wanted.

"I was wondering when you'd make your escape," she heard from the corner of the room.

Hawke tried to run for her weapons on the bed when he grabbed her from behind. "It's only me my sweet, no need to worry."

"Zevran? Are you trying to give me another heart attack?"

He laughed his trademark malicious laugh and sat on the bed. "Come come my beautiful goddess, surely you'd much rather it be me than some noble trying to bed you."

"I'm not sure which is worse," she joked with him sitting down next to him. "It's been a while, how are you?"

"I am well, as always my dear. The more important question is how are you? Stunningly beautiful in that dress yes, but I rather miss the dirty leather look."

Hawke laughed. "You and me both my friend. I'm sure in Antiva you had to attend a lot of these silly social functions huh?"

"Mostly to kill people, never for fun," he said matter-of-factly. "Although I suppose that is fun for me," he laughed.

She smiled at him. "Seriously though, what brings you back here? I thought you were long gone months ago."

Zevran cleared his throat. "Yes, I hadn't planned on returning any time soon, but I thought you'd want some warning."

"Warning of what," Hawke said curiously.

"Isabela is on her way back to the city. She should be here tomorrow, I only had a slight lead ahead of her. I imagine that means your friend is also returning."

Hawke stared at him in disbelief. "How do you know this?"

"Ah, well, when I left I decided to track down Isabela to make sure she wasn't in any trouble given the seriousness of the situation as you told me. I have spent this time finding her, which of course was easy to do once I found him."

"You've seen Fenris?"

"He's a little hard to miss, though he tries. Yes I have seen him. He is fine from what I saw."

She sighed a sigh of relief, and for the first time in months she allowed the emotion to finally come. The knowledge that he was okay and alive, and that he'd be back in the city tomorrow both filled her with relief and fear. She buried her face in her hands as she softly released the months of tension she held, and Zevran sat on the bed to hold her. "You must have it bad for this one," he said jokingly as he stroked her hair. "These are tears of joy, yes?"

Hawke nodded as she tried to compose herself. "Joy, fear, overwhelming guilt, you name it I am feeling it."

Zevran looked at her as he wiped a tear from her face. "Surely you do not still feel guilt for what happened between us?"

She nodded, unable to make eye contact with him.

"Oh my dear you mustn't do this to yourself. There is no reason to feel guilty. From where I sit you did nothing wrong. He left, you were lonely, the handsome Antivan assassin took full advantage of you, and we went on with our lives. There is nothing to feel guilty for, except perhaps the lack of a second night together, but I won't hold that against you."

Hawke laughed, leaning back into him and resting her head on his shoulder. "I wish I could live as free as you do," she said wiping the remaining tears away. "I'm glad you're here."

"I'd rather you have some preparation than one of them suddenly showing up. I know this is a difficult situation for you. I assure you it will only become more difficult if you insist on letting what happened between us eat at you. It was meant for pleasure, not for pain."

She sighed. "I know, you're right. I've thought about it a lot."

"Of course you have, I am that good," he smiled.

Hawke jabbed him playfully in the side. "So cocky! Yes, there's that, but I remember what you said about how it was simply a matter of two lonely people coming together to help each other through the night. I can also turn it on him and blame him, because if he didn't leave it wouldn't have happened."

"And there you go," Zevran said kissing her forehead and standing up. "And now my job here is done."

She looked at him curiously. "That's it? You're leaving already?"

"Unless you want some more guilt, I can make the time for that. Otherwise, I think it's best I go before you ravish me."

Hawke stood up and hugged him. "Thank you for coming Zev, I have missed you."

"And I you," he said as he handed her a piece of paper. "This is the name of a woman in Seleny, Antiva. Should you ever need me, contact her and she will know where I am. Also you may want to secure your bedroom windows, it's how I got in here," he said with a smirk.

She laughed. "I will do that. I hope to see you again soon Zevran."

"You will, you have my word," he said as he made his way out through the window.

She watched him leave, invisible to most as he stuck to the shadows. She lost sight of him as he turned the corner, and once again she was left alone with her thoughts as the hum of the party lingered on.

Hawke walked over to her desk and opened the drawer, removing the letters she had written to Fenris. As she read each one, the anger of him leaving built up inside her. She tossed all the letters into the fireplace and spent the next hour watching them burn. Zevran was right, there should be no guilt. She did nothing wrong. He left her here, knowing Hadriana and Danarius were in the city he still left to find the family he thinks he remembered. He claimed to love her yet left her, gave her no choice but to accept it. No, there would be no more guilt. Now that she knew he was safe, she was mad.

* * *

The next day Hawke went to the Hanged Man looking for Isabela. As predictable as always she was there, drinking shots with Varric and was in the middle of some grand storytelling. Hawke kicked the door open startling them both, and Isabela jumped up. "Hawke! I swear I went looking for you first, but your uncle kind of creeped me out when I went there so I had to knock back a few before finding you among the nobles."

Varric laughed. "Drink Hawke?"

She sat down, "yes please."

Isabela looked at her. "You don't seem surprised to see me. Why is this?"

"Oh a little birdie told me you'd be coming back today," Hawke said knocking back a shot of her own.

Isabela thought for a moment, then laughed. "A birdie? Or a crow! Oh Hawke you do have a sense of humor after all!"

She smiled. "I'm glad you're safe Isabela, though foolish for doing what you did, I appreciate it."

"Yeah well our friendship disgusts even me, but I was itching for some travel anyway. Have you seen Mr Broody yet?"

Hawke shook her head. "He's back too? Oh wait, of course he is if you are."

Varric shifted uncomfortably. "He probably made the same mistake Isabela made and went to your uncles. I'm sure he'll come around here soon enough."

"It's okay Varric," Hawke said. "He's safe, that's enough for me. What he chooses to do now is up to him. I refuse to go running to the mansion to check on him. He left me, remember?"

Varric nodded, deciding it was probably for the best he not comment. "Isabela was just telling me about her trip."

But Hawke didn't hear whatever they had said next. The door opened and it was Fenris. Their eyes locked instantly, and for a few moments they stared at each other in silence. Varric and Isabela didn't notice his entrance as they continued their story telling and laughter. Hawke took another shot and excused herself as they both looked at her, and then saw Fenris. "We'll be here if you need us Hawke," Varric said as she walked away from them.

Fenris didn't say a word, but held out his hand for her. She hesitated, but then placed her hand in his, and he led her out of the Hanged Man.


	10. No Apologies

He led her in silence through the streets of Lowtown. She didn't look at him, didn't say a word, afraid to meet his eyes or catch a glimpse at what he had been up to the past several months. Her mind was racing with thoughts, her heart pounding in her chest. Was he angry? Was he hurt? Did Danarius somehow find him and order him to lead her somewhere? His hold on her hand wasn't forceful or hard, but wasn't loving either. She opened her mouth several times to begin the conversation that would break the awkward silence and tension, but no words would come. She resigned to the fact that he wasn't going to speak either until they ended up wherever he was taking her.

Through the streets and up the long stairs to Hightown they went. As they passed by many of the nobles in the market the staring and judgmental eyes fell upon her. The night before her mother was pleading with all the parents of single sons and now here she was being led through the square by the lyrium tattooed elf that had been spotted at times. Hawke suddenly felt a bit ashamed for caring what these people thought, but she too didn't know what to make of the scene. Being paraded with no confidence of a relationship, no defiance of true love, only confusion and a bit of fear.

The route was now suddenly very familiar. Back to the mansion Fenris resided. Memories of the last time she was here washed over her; panic, desperation, disappointment when he wasn't here that night he had left her and she searched for him. The days before that, where he had cared for her, loved her, trusted her, and been with her. Now they were there again, only she didn't feel as safe. Oddly enough to her, she was somewhat terrified. And he finally took notice.

"You're shaking," he said breaking the silence between them.

She shrugged, and after looking into his eyes for several heartbeats, she finally said, "anticipation and the unknown will do that."

"So you fear me," he said flatly looking away.

The guilt slammed into her stomach. "No, no Fenris not fear. Maybe a little, I don't know. Let's not go judging each others mental state right now until we talk, okay?"

"Fair enough," he said. "I know you have questions, but there is something you must see first, inside."

Hawke swallowed and nodded, allowing him to lead her into the mansion.

The smell of the fire and some food cooking caught Hawke's attention first as he opened the door. Then the sight of the foyer made her stop walking. It was clean. Not just the random glass shards from broken bottles and random pieces of furniture finally straightened out, but years of dust and cobwebs gone, light shining through clean windows, and a marble floor Hawke had never known existed. She let go of his hand and walked around, not believing her eyes. "Fenris, this is actually quite beautiful!"

"She's been busy," he said.

Hawke swallowed hard and turned to look at him. Then she heard footsteps from upstairs coming down. She turned to the stairs to see a red haired elf coming down. Fenris cleared his throat. "Hawke, I'd like you to meet my sister, Varania."

Hawke stood frozen at the news, unable to move for several seconds as she looked at Varania, then Fenris, then back to Varania. She knew he spoke the truth, seeing now the eyes of same color, and of similar sadness. Hawke stepped forward and extended her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you Varania."

Varania took Hawke's hand in both of hers, "I have heard a lot about you, it's nice to finally put a face to the name." She looked over Hawke's shoulder at Fenris. "Are you two hungry? I have some stew on the fire."

Fenris removed his sword from his back and placed it by the front door. "I told you that was not necessary. You do not have to cook for me."

Varania looked at him seriously. " _I_ was hungry Leto, so I made extra."

"Oh, well in that case, thank you," Fenris said removing some of his armor and letting it fall to the floor. Varania moved to immediately pick it up, and he grabbed her arm. "Leave it. This is home, you do not pick up after me."

Varania gave him a stern look in return. "This _is_ home, and _I_ like it clean," she said as she picked up his gear and placed it on the rack by the front door. "I'll leave you two alone, I am sure you have catching up to do."

Hawke managed a smile as Varania went back upstairs, still trying to process the entire exchange that just took place. "Leto?" She finally asked.

"Hmm," he muttered, "my real name apparently. I will not get used to it anytime soon." He finished removing his armor and returned to face her. "Are you hungry? She does make a fine stew."

Hawke shook her head, the thought of food sending waves of nausea to her stomach that was twisted into knots. "I'm sorry Fenris, I'm not so sure I can sit down to a family meal just yet."

"I understand," he said. "So shall we begin?"

Hawke laughed. "Just like that huh? Forgive me Fenris, but you had time to prepare on your return home. I just found out you were back. And now with your sister, I'm in a bit of shock I guess."

He nodded. "My apologies. I would have sent word, but I did not want to risk it having Varania with me."

Hawke sighed. "I understand," she said sitting in the chair beneath the stairs. "I'm torn Fenris." she said looking at the floor and avoiding his gaze. "Part of me wants to throw my arms around you and kiss you, happy to have you home and safe. The other part of me wants to hit you and scream at you for leaving the way you did, for leaving me." She paused, he waited for her to continue, and her eyes filled with tears as she shut them. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Fenris walked towards her and sat in the chair next to her. "I have thought of a thousand things to say to you, yet none of them I am afraid will comfort you now." He too began looking at the floor, the brief site of her tears falling tearing at his heart. "But leaving led me to my sister, and I can not apologize for that."

She wiped the tears with the back of her hand. "I don't expect you to Fenris. I _did_ , wanted an apology and explanations, but I guess now it doesn't matter." She turned to look at him. "I am happy you found her, thankful it wasn't all for nothing."

His eyes met hers and they exchanged silent looks of guilt, despair, and pain. He held out his hand to her once again, and she accepted, leaning her head back in the chair still staring at him. He did the same, and for a while they sat in silence, his thumb caressing her hand and hers his. They had always been comfortable in the silence, and even now after all the time that had passed, it seemed a comfortable silence. Neither could think of words to say that wouldn't lead to an argument, so they remained still for a time. The more time that passed though, the more the anguish built inside Hawke. Having him with her again, but seeming so distant, was slowly killing her inside. She didn't want him to see her fall apart, so she gathered as much strength as she possibly could and stood up, releasing his hand.

"I think I'm going to go for now, but maybe tomorrow I can come pick you up and show you the new place?"

Fenris nodded, rising as well and walked her to the door. "I'd like that."

She smiled. "Tomorrow then," she said as she walked through the door he opened for her.

"Goodnight Hawke," she heard him say as she walked around the corner and out of sight.

* * *

She kept walking, breathing heavily, picking up the pace as she made her way to the Viscount's Keep. She entered, headed to the southern wing, and then into the barracks. Quietly she knocked on Aveline's door, and when she heard her friend call "come in" Hawke slowly opened the door. She shut the door behind her, leaned against it, and finally let the tears flow as she sat on the floor blocking anyone else from coming into the office.

Aveline said nothing and did nothing as Hawke continued to release the waves of emotions that had been building all afternoon. She pulled her knees up to her chest and put her head down, sobbing uncontrollably. Aveline walked over to her and sat on the floor next to her, handing her a tissue. "Are you done yet? This is disturbing to watch."

Hawke managed a laugh, taking the tissue and wiped the tears with it. "I'm pathetic, I know."

"Horribly so, and why you'd share this display of patheticness with me I don't know. I believe I often say you have too many friends Hawke, but perhaps that's not true. You need one for times like this; I can't handle it."

Hawke laughed again, blowing her nose into the tissue. "This is exactly why I come here, so you can berate me and remind me how immature I'm acting."

"Good," Aveline said standing up again. "Then is my job finished here? I have a ton of paperwork."

"Ha ha," Hawke said sarcastically as she took Aveline's extended hand to help her get off the floor. "Since you don't care enough to ask, he's returned, and with a sister too."

"Interesting," Aveline said sitting back down behind her Captains desk. "Any explanations for doing what he did?"

Hawke shook her head as she sat opposite the acting captain. "We're not there yet, we're still at the awkward stage of silence, mhmms and uhhuhs."

"Well hopefully he has a great answer worked out, though I remind you nothing he says should make up for what he did. I'd make him work really hard for this."

"That's hardly fair Aveline, after what I did to him as well."

Aveline let out a sound of disgust. "Don't even go there Hawke. Why you continue to beat yourself up over _that_ is beyond me. I'm with Zevran on this one. Let it go. You have no reason to feel any guilt here, the blame lies with Fenris and should remain there."

Hawke looked at her puzzled. "You sound almost as angry as I was."

"You forget Hawke, it was all of us that had to watch you go through these last few months. He left you alone, in danger, _and_ after you just _died_!. I am angry. We all are. If you ask me he owes us all an apology, and if he's smart he'll stay out of my way for a while."

Hawke sighed. "You are a great friend to be so angry on my behalf Aveline. For my part I am sorry, I didn't realize I had caused additional strain for everyone as well. And I am also sorry that out of the four women I know including my mother, you are the only one I can dump my problems on," she said smiling.

"Ugh you are impossible," Aveline said frustrated. "But I am always here for you, no matter what. Now get out of my office and don't even think about hugging me."

Hawke laughed as she stood. "You always know how to make me feel better." She headed towards the door. "Thank you my friend."

"Anytime Hawke."


	11. Late Night Visits

Later that night as Hawke prepared for bed, a knock at the front door interrupted her thoughts. Bodahn, Hawke's now permanent resident and servant, softly tapped at her bedroom door. "I am sorry to disturb you but there is a young woman here to see you."

"A tad late for visitors isn't it," Hawke stated brushing her hair to look presentable. "Did she say what she wanted?"

"I'm afraid not, but she does seem rather nervous. She's in the entryway when you're ready."

Hawke sighed. "Thank you Bodahn, you may retire for the evening."

He bowed and left her, and Hawke made her way down the stairs towards the front door. Sitting on the bench waiting for her was Varania. "Is everything alright," Hawke asked concerned. "Is it Fenris?"

Varania shook her head. "Leto is fine. I wanted to speak with you privately."

Hawke motioned for her to follow her into the study. "How did you find me?"

"I asked a guard, told them I was your servant and I was lost."

Hawke sat down across from the fireplace and gestured for Varania to do the same. "A skilled liar I see."

Varania lowered her head. "I thought we should talk and I didn't want my brother to know I am here."

"Where does he think you are," Hawke asked. "Surely you told him something, otherwise he'll be worried sick when he finds you missing. It's quite late."

"I waited a while after he left. He said he was going to visit with some old friends at the tavern."

"Ah," Hawke said understanding. No doubt Fenris was off to visit Varric and Donnic at the Hanged Man. "I am surprised he was alright with leaving you alone."

"He asked me to join him, but I wanted to take this opportunity to speak with you. He's hardly left me alone since he found me. I knew if I didn't come this evening I may never get the chance."

Hawke leaned back in her chair and studied the elf. "So what is it you want to talk about Varania? I'm sure this isn't a social call."

"It's about Leto. I am concerned for him." Varania looked away from Hawke and watched the fire. "He has certainly changed since last I saw him. He is nothing like himself."

Hawke sighed. "Yes, well I imagine being branded with lyrium, losing your memory, being a slave, struggling to survive, and almost dying a few times will change a man. Why would you expect him to be the same after that?"

Varania turned to look at her with a nasty glare. "You speak of these things as if I am not aware of them. I know better than you what he went through."

Hawke leaned forward to get closer to her. "Then why are you questioning why he isn't himself? Why are you really here Varania?"

Varania stood up and moved towards the window. "Leto told me about you, about your relationship with him. It seems you mean a great deal to him, so I wanted you to be aware of some things you may not know about him."

Hawke stood up and went to the table to pour herself a drink. She offered one to Varania who declined. "I know all I need to know. Whatever else he wishes me to know he'll tell me when he's ready."

"There's another side to him," Varania said, "a darker side, that you need to be aware of."

Hawke took a sip and sat back down. "Varania, no disrespect intended, but you speak of a man that no longer exists. You knew him as Leto, your brother, as whatever he may have been then. I know him as Fenris, the man who has been through a lot and has learned to deal with what little of his past he knows and moved on."

"That's where you're wrong," Varania said sitting back down again, looking at Hawke. "Leto's memory has returned, with my help. He knows every bit of his past now, and I see his old self returning. I have been with him this past month and as the days go by the more of his old self he becomes."

"Okay," Hawke said getting frustrated, "so why is this a bad thing? What's this dark side you speak of?"

"Leto used to be a very violent man. I am afraid for him, especially now with the power he possesses. Before his violence wasn't that different than any other man in Tevinter. Now it could be deadly. I am here to warn you Hawke, for your own safety and that of your friends, you should stay away from him and leave your relationship in the past."

Hawke cleared her throat and gathered her thoughts before speaking. "I appreciate your concern Varania, but I have known Fenris for over a year. You I've just met. I think I'll be the judge whether or not I should stay away from him." Hawke stood up, clearly ending the conversation. "It's late Varania, I think you should get home before he returns."

Varania stood up and followed Hawke to the front door. "You'll regret not listening to me, I can assure you," she said as she left, leaving Hawke in disbelief. Something wasn't right, she couldn't figure out what it was, but the entire conversation that just took place made her extremely uncomfortable, and started planting seeds of doubt in her mind of Varania's true intentions. Hawke returned to her room and got dressed, put on her armor, grabbed her weapons, and headed for the docks.

* * *

Fenris gathered his courage as he entered the Hanged Man, preparing himself for the inevitable questions and scrutiny he'd have to endure from Varric. He figured Donnic would be with him as it was their usual game night, so it was as good a night as any to stop by and begin the string of apologies he needed to give. Unfortunately for him, the buffer of Donnic he counted on was nowhere to be seen when he entered Varrics room, as the dwarf was alone cleaning his crossbow. "Well hello broody, I was wondering when you'd stop by."

"Hello dwarf," Fenris said closing the door behind him and settling in at Varrics table. The dwarf poured the elf a drink and slid it towards him. Fenris picked it up and drank it all, sliding it back to Varric for an immediate refill. "No game tonight?"

Varric filled the mug and returned it to him. "Nah, we put it on hold until you returned. Not much fun stealing Donnics money every week so we took a break. How goes it?"

Fenris took another sip of his drink before putting it down and staring in it. "It goes. You?"

"Eh," Varric shrugged, "same shit same city. Nice to see you in one piece, although I'm surprised Hawke left you intact."

Fenris nodded. "Things are," he paused, "progressing slowly. No doubt that fight is on the horizon."

Varric shook his head. "No reason it has to get that far. Start with flowers and work your way up if necessary."

Fenris smirked. "I do not believe this is something any bribery will fix. Have you seen her?"

"Nope," Varric said, "not since this morning before your dramatic entrance. She'll come around, give her time."

Fenris finished his second drink. "I will. First, an apology to you Varric. I know my leaving so suddenly caused some problems."

"You don't owe me anything elf," Varric said filling Fenris' mug yet again. "Perhaps some more ale before the night is over, but everything is fine here. Glad you're back."

"Thank you," Fenris said raising his drink and nodding.

"Now, let's get down to the good stuff. Start spilling your guts elf, and tell me all about your trip."

* * *

The nights in Kirkwall were never safe, and Hawke used caution working her way towards the docks. She didn't have time or the strength of numbers to get into an altercation, so she stealthed her way in the shadows until she reached the harbor. She scanned the ships at the docks until she spotted the one she was looking for. A few gold to a deck hand she got what she needed. Heading below deck and going to the back room, she knocked softly on the closed door of the captains quarters. When no reply came, she picked the lock and let herself in. Instantly a knife was at her throat, and she couldn't help but laugh. "I'm here for you silly elf, relax."

"Tsk tsk," came the response. "I told you I would've stayed if you wanted to ravish me. Change your mind? I have only a few minutes before we leave but you can swim back no?" He removed the knife from her throat and she turned to smile at him. "Uhoh, a smile that really says 'I want something.' Go ahead, what is it you need?"

"I need your help Zev. He came back with a woman, his sister, and there's something about her I just don't trust."

Zevran sat on the bed and put his knife away. "Do you think she's not really his sister? Or she has a motive for being here?"

"That's just it," Hawke said sitting next to him. "I don't know what's going on, just a gut feeling that it's not good."

"Woman's intuition is rarely wrong. What would you have me do, stay and keep an eye on her? Is this your sly way of keeping me in town? I get it, you can't resist me."

Hawke smiled at his unending charm and confidence. "I hadn't thought that far ahead, I was worried I'd miss you leaving. Stay and watch her or maybe a quick trip to Tevinter to find out more about her? What do you think is best?"

"Hmm," he said contemplating the situation. "Since both your friend and his sister have no idea who I am, it would be even easier to blend into their background and watch her. I can send word to the Crows in Tevinter to look into her for anything suspicious while I am here."

"So you'll stay?"

"Of course my beautiful goddess, for you and you only."

Hawke hugged him. "Thank you so much Zev, I owe you yet again. Let's go back to my place and work out a plan. I will of course pay you for your time and expenses and anything you lost missing this trip."

"Will you pay me with your body? That would be rather worth it then," he said winking at her as he grabbed his pack. "I will meet you there shortly. It'd be best if we weren't seen together."

Hawke nodded as she began to leave. "I have a stop to make, but I should be home soon. The bedroom window is still open. Best my mother doesn't see you either; she'd kill you, and then me."

"Oh how dangerous. I'm excited already! Until then my dear," he said as he kissed her hand.

* * *

Hawke returned to Hightown and walked halfway up the Chantry steps. This late at night the Chantry was usually locked, so Hawke sat on the stairs. She enjoyed listening to the music that could be heard in the distance from some party winding down somewhere, and then seeing the nobles in their elegant outfits wander home after a little too much drink. It was her time to herself, away from distractions and disruptions. She never stayed long, just long enough to clear her head of the days events so she could settle in to sleep when she got home. She had already been there once today, but the latest development in her life found her back on the stairs, replaying her conversation with Varania over and over.

"Hawke?"

The sudden mention of her name startled her out of her thoughts, and for a moment she stiffened as she looked up to see Fenris. "You scared me," she said as she released the breath she was holding.

"I apologize," he said sitting down opposite her on the stairs. "What are you doing out here, it's late."

She nodded, "yeah it is, but wasn't ready to sleep yet. You?"

"Returning home from visiting with Varric," Fenris said. "I was about to turn in when I saw you and I wanted to see if you were alright."

Hawke laughed. "Last time we met like this I imagine I was a frightening sight."

Fenris nodded. "I do not enjoy remembering you like that."

Hawke looked away, "not my finest hour I'm sure. It seems during difficult times I always end up here. Maker knows why I suppose."

"Mhh," Fenris agreed. "What troubles you enough to bring you here now? I hope it is not because of me."

She thought for a moment before answering. "Someone told me once they came here wishing for my safe return when I was away. I did the same while they were away. I guess I'm here now to be thankful that wish came true."

He was about to speak when they both got distracted by a group of people passing through the square, oblivious to the two on the Chantry steps. They both watched as the people faded into the distance, and after some time Hawke stood up, brushing herself off. "You should probably get back to Varania," Hawke said as she held out a hand to help him up.

Fenris accepted her hand and he stood, but he didn't release her. He brought his other hand up to her cheek and caressed it, and Hawke closed her eyes, lost for a moment in the touch she hadn't felt in months. When she opened her eyes he was staring back at her, sadness and pain in his eyes. "I am sorry for what I have done to you. I wonder, will you be able to forgive me?"

Hawke backed away slowly from him, and untangled her hand from his. "I hope so Fenris. But there's a lot I need to work through first. If I can just have some time, please."

Fenris nodded and he took stepped back from her. "Will you still be coming by tomorrow?"

Hawke nodded, resisting the tears and avoiding the lump in her throat. "Tomorrow afternoon, yes, I will see you then."

He watched as she walked away, the anger at himself building within, and for a moment, a soft blue light lit up the Chantry square.


	12. It's Coming

_The leaves on the trees reflected the moonlight above and the water below the cliff. The wind was quiet, the ocean still. Even the nocturnal creatures were silent. She lay back in the soft grass and watched the stars twinkle with brilliance. They seemed to come alive to a song only they could hear, brighter and then dimmer, brighter and then dimmer. She was lost in the magic of the sky when the soft voice whispered to her: Hawke, can you hear me? She nodded in response but was unable to speak. She didn't feel threatened though, instead she felt warm and calm. Hawke, don't be alarmed, you are safe for now, but there are three of them trying to enter your dreams. The Keeper and I are protecting you and your companions, but once they combine their strength it may not hold. Be careful._

Hawke awoke instantly, recalling Feynriels warning in her dream. She looked around her bedroom, suddenly feeling as if someone had been there, but it was quiet. She got out of bed and walked towards the window looking out into the city. The streets were silent except for a guard on patrol holding a torch. She made sure the window was locked and went back to bed.

* * *

The next morning Hawke set out for Darktown. The clinic was usually the busiest in the morning, citizens of Kirkwall lining up for a chance to see the healer. The line normally began early in the morning and kept Anders busy well into the afternoon and evenings. Hawke had hoped to get there before anyone else had arrived, but there were already at least fifteen people waiting to be seen. When the doors finally opened and Anders assistant spotted Hawke, he immediately gestured for her to come in. The people that had been waiting vocalized their unhappiness, but the assistant quieted them down, "everyone will be seen, quit your bellyaching."

Hawke guiltily moved in front of the line and entered the clinic. "Hawke," Anders said in surprise. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Anders, sorry to intrude. I tried to come early but it seems there are those awake earlier than me."

"They usually come the night before. Come in, do you want something to drink?"

Hawke politely declined, "no thanks, I don't want to take up too much of your time and upset those waiting. But I did want to ask you something."

"Of course, anything you wish," he said brushing off a chair for her to sit in.

"I need to know what you can tell me about blood magic," Hawke asked.

Anders looked at her curiously. "Shouldn't you be asking Merrill about this sort of thing? I wouldn't know about it because I don't use it."

"I know you don't," Hawke said sensing his agitation. "I was just hoping maybe you could tell me a little bit about it. I don't want to ask Merrill, well, because she is so involved in it. I need a neutral answer."

Anders laughed. "I doubt I have a neutral answer, but I can tell you what I know. What are you looking for, history? How it can be used?"

Hawke thought for a moment. "Remember when you said you felt it had something to do with my heart stopping? Something along those lines, how it could be used in that way or who could be able to do it. Maybe also for purposes of controlling someone's thoughts or dreams."

Anders looked at her curiously. "Are you in trouble Kyra?"

She responded honestly, "I don't know. I'm trying to find out."

Anders nodded, concern showing on his face. He took a deep breath gathering his thoughts, and then told her what he knew. "It's not as common in Thedas although the templars seem to think it is. Tevinter magisters are the well known users of it. They use blood instead of lyrium for powerful spells such as mind control. Circle mages will use lyrium to enter the minds of others in the fade while blood mages will use blood to control dreams and even the actions of others. The more powerful the spell, the more blood is needed, which usually leads to sacrifices. They can do anything I can do and more, and if need be they can bring a demon into the mix and be almost unstoppable."

Hawke sighed. "I don't suppose you know how to protect oneself against the controlling of dreams or minds do you?"

Anders nodded. "I do, but unfortunately it's impossible. The only thing I know of that can interrupt mind control is the Litany of Adralla. Problem is the circle in Ferelden has it, and it can only be used against the mage when the spell is being cast. Even if you had it, you'd have to know when the mind control spell was going to take place." Hawke stood up and began pacing the room. "What kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into?"

She laughed. "Oh you know me, never a dull moment in my life." She saw the deep look of concern and fear in his eyes. "Don't start worrying Anders, I don't even know if it's coming to that. I just thought I'd figure out what my options are."

He shook his head. "Unfortunately none if it comes to mind control. And I'm afraid I don't know much about dream control either."

Hawke smiled and winked at him. "The dream part I have covered. I've kept you long enough, thank you Anders."

He stood and gave her a hug. "Please be careful," he whispered in her ear. "I do not want to lose you again."

She embraced him back. "You won't. At least not today," she said laughing.

Anders pulled away from her and gave her a stern look. "This isn't something to make light of Kyra. You can not fight against blood magic if you aren't a templar, and even they fall victim."

Hawke sighed, realizing he was upset at her flippant attitude. "I hear your warnings Anders, I am taking this seriously. I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise."

He went to his shelves and pulled out some herbs. "Try drinking this in a tea each day, it may help block a weaker power. Keep in mind it'll also block healing spells so be careful."

She nodded and thanked him and made her exit before he scolded her anymore.

* * *

"So who is the third," Aveline asked Hawke as she finished polishing her shield and set it aside. "If Hadriana and Danarius are back in the city, or they never left, who else could be with them?"

"I have no idea," Hawke said studying the marigolds in the window. "He's only ever mentioned the two, and the way things are right now I'd hate to have to ask him."

"Well get over it," Aveline said sternly. "You're going to have to ask him. We can't protect you if we don't know who we're dealing with."

"Hmph," Hawke muttered now turning her attention back to Aveline. "Protection against three blood mages? I might as well pack up and move back to Lothering."

"Oh shut up," Aveline spat. "You've never ran from a fight before, why start now? I'll go speak to Cullen and see if he knows anything. You need to talk to Fenris."

Hawke sighed. "I'm about to make a bad situation worse aren't I. 'Oh hello Fenris, here's my new fancy house, now tell me all about the people who tortured you.' This will go over well."

"He'll get over it," Aveline said as she went towards the door to leave. "And if he doesn't, you can remind him how it's his fault you're in this situation in the first place."

"Ah, the guilt game," Hawke said following Aveline out of her office. "I'm going to become a master at it."

Aveline turned to glare at her. "You really test my limits of patience Hawke."

Hawke smiled at her. "And yet you love me, I know."

Aveline huffed and walked away from her, and some of her guards looked at Hawke strangely as she began laughing out loud to herself.

* * *

The walk to Fenris' from the barracks wasn't a long one, but still it took Hawke a while to get there. She took her time, stopping to say hello to a few people that were at her mothers party, and stalling the inevitable uneasiness that was about to play between then. She sighed as she rounded the corner to his front door, and took a moment to look around for Zevran. If he was still shadowing Varania, he'd be around here somewhere, watching her. To his credit she couldn't see him or any trace of him.

She knocked on the door quietly, trying not to draw attention to herself. Knocking at the door of what should be an abandoned home isn't the kind of trouble she's looking for today. It seemed everyone in Hightown knew it was occupied anyway, but still she wanted to be safe.

When the door opened Hawke inhaled, preparing herself for the afternoon. She smiled at Fenris as he leaned against the door frame. "Have we drifted so far you must knock now?"

The smile faded and she looked at the ground. "Trying to be respectful Fenris, it's not just you here anymore."

He stepped out and closed the door behind him. "No, but you are still welcome to come and go as you please."

"Thank you," she said softly. "Are you ready to go? I'm not that far from you anymore, we'll be there in just a few minutes."

"Lead on," he said gesturing for her to move forward.

The walk was not as uncomfortable as she had imagined. They remained silent, but it was their own comfortable silence that they enjoyed when they were together. As they approached Hawke's estate, she became a little nervous, wondering what Fenris would think of the place. Was she showing off? Throwing it in his face?

She hadn't noticed she'd stopped walking until Fenris spoke. "Are you lost?"

Hawke couldn't help but laugh. "No, not lost. Apprehensive maybe?"

Fenris looked at her curiously. "Did you leave your underwear out or something?"

She playfully hit him on the arm. "Fenris, what a jovial mood you woke up in today. No, I didn't, I just…" she paused, trying to find the right words.

He gestured for her to move again. "We should move on."

Hawke nodded and continued on, finally arriving at the estate. "Well here we are," she said, "home sweet over the top home."

Fenris looked around the small alcove that was the entrance. "You should really post some guards outside your estate, considering all the trouble you get into."

Hawke agreed, "you are probably right. Let's go in, shall we?"

Fenris followed as Hawke entered the estate. She had purposely sent Bodahn and Sandal on a shopping trip and her mother was out socializing for the day. It was hard enough bringing him here, she didn't want to have to deal with the akwardness of servants or her mother.

Fenris remained quiet as Hawke gave him the tour. Through the main living room, the study, the wine cellar that was barely stocked, through the kitchen and finally upstairs to her room. "Definitely an improvement from your last residence, that much is certain," he stated looking around the bedroom. "You must enjoy finally having your own space."

"Oh you have no idea," Hawke said leading him back downstairs to the study. She offered him a glass of wine, "it's from Tevinter, I hope you like it."

"Mmm," Fenris said as he accepted the glass. "You know all Tevinter wine is made from the blood and tears of slaves," he stated.

Hawke sat down and studied him to see if he was serious. "I can find something else if you don't like it."

Fenris sat across from her, "no need. It's just a saying in Tevinter among those more fortunate. It was a thoughtful gesture, thank you."

Hawke smiled as he leaned forward to clink her glass with his, and they both took a sip. "So," she said a bit uneasy, "where should we begin?"

Fenris leaned back in his chair studying his glass. "I won't bore you with the details of the trip, unless you are really interested. I spent most of my time in hiding, trying to find out what I could, and it eventually led me to finding Varania."

"That couldn't have been an easy first conversation," she said pushing him for more information.

"No, no it wasn't. She was upset at first, understandably so. She thought I was dead. Danarius led everyone to believe that instead of admitting he'd lost me. From what she tells me, she is the only family that remains."

Hawke dared to ask, "did you remember more than her? What exactly did you remember?"

Fenris closed his eyes. "I did not really remember, more like I saw images. Of her, of our mother, just flashes of a life before. Our mother is gone, Varania has helped fill in some of the gaps."

"I'm sorry Fenris," Hawke said softly.

"I am too," he replied. "For leaving the way I did."

Hawke sighed. "I need to understand why you left Fenris. Why you didn't come to me, or wait for me, or want me with you."

He thought for a few minutes, refusing to look at her. "You frightened me," he said quietly. "There was a moment when I…" he trailed off, lost in the pain at the thought of losing her.

Hawke tried to reach out to him, but he pulled away. "I wanted you to hate me. I thought it'd be easier that way for both of us. You were a weakness. A weakness Danarius was all too aware of. I assumed if he thought I'd left you, that he'd leave as well and come after me instead. And then when Anders healed you, and the images of my past overwhelmed me, I knew I had to go."

She remained quiet for a time, allowing the silence of regret to pass between them. "I never hated you Fenris," she finally said. "But I did hurt. I too was frightened. I still am. Danarius is still here and he's not alone. We are all in danger."

Fenris stood now and began pacing, visibly upset by this news. "Are you certain?"

Hawke nodded. "Feynriel says there are three of them. Danarius is still here and so is Hadriana. Do you know who the third could be?"

Fenris shook his head, "no. Danarius only trusts Hadriana, and even then not completely. Unless he has discovered someone new in my absence, I am not aware of anyone else."

Hawke sighed, fear and frustration taking over. "I can't fight what I can't see," she said quietly. "I am no templar, no mage, I don't stand a chance against him."

Fenris knelt down in front of her. "I am sorry for everything I have done. I am sorry for putting you in danger. Most of all I am sorry you were hurt. What can I do? Tell me, and it is done."

She looked into his eyes and saw his emotions. He was honestly sorry for what he had done to her, and her guilt over Zevran finally overwhelmed her. She put her head down and cried, unable to control the seemingly endless flow of tears.

"Hawke," Fenris said concerned. "What is it?"

Hawke gathered what little courage she could find and looked at him. The concern and fear in his eyes made it worse, but she knew it had to be done. "Fenris, there's something I have to tell you."


	13. Death

Fenris sat back down across from Hawke, taking a slow sip of wine as he watched her gather her thoughts. She was silent for a while, and he didn't push her, wondering what it was she feared telling him. He had seen fear in her eyes before, and there it was again.

Hawke took a deep breath and let it out, and began her confession. "The night you left, just as I told you in our dream I was going to do, I went to look for you. I went to your mansion first and saw that you had already been there, grabbed whatever you could and moved on. Then I went to the Wounded Coast, to the cave you told me about. It was there I almost ran into Hadriana."

She noticed the tension in him at the mention of Hadriana's name. "Did she hurt you," he asked quietly.

"No," Hawke stated. "She didn't even know I was there. Before I had the opportunity to go running into the cave as I had planned, I was grabbed and pulled away from there. I didn't know at the time who was holding me back, but I watched as Hadriana exited the cave and ordered her men to wait for either one of us."

"If she knew about the cave," Fenris said, "then she must have been watching me for some time." Hawke nodded in agreement. "And who was it that prevented you from entering?"

Hawke continued, "his name is Zevran. He's a friend of Isabela's that was visiting her at the Hanged Man. Before I left to come find you, Varric and Anders went to Isabela to fill her in on what had happened and Zevran was there. They knew once I woke up that I was going to go after you, and decided to have Zevran follow me."

Fenris looked confused. "Why would they do this? Why not stop you if they knew you may be in danger?"

"Probably because they knew they wouldn't be able to stop me. I was too caught up at the time to realize the danger of the situation. I only had one thing on my mind, and that was finding you to stop you. They must have thought it was easier to let me go and have him follow me than try to stop me, and they were probably right."

Fenris nodded. "Foolish, but I imagine I left you little choice."

Hawke agreed. "You're right, it was foolish. And if it wasn't for Zevran I don't know what would've happened. I know I would've run right into that cave and probably be dead by now."

"Then I will have to thank this Zevran whenever possible," Fenris stated.

Hawke shifted uncomfortably, uncertain how to go about finishing her confession. Thankfully she had a welcome distraction as there came a loud knock at the door. "I wonder who that is," she stated as she stood up. Fenris joined her as she walked to the front door and opened it.

"Message for you m'lady," the young boy said as he handed her an envelope. He took off as soon as she accepted it, and Hawke closed the door.

Fenris, standing beside her, looked horrified. "That handwriting, I know it." Hawke looked at the envelope that had her name written on it. "It is from Danarius," he said flatly.

Hawke looked at him in disbelief. "He'd be so bold to write me a letter?" She opened the envelope and read it, and he immediately saw the fear and terror in her face. She leaned against the wall for support as she finished reading and looked at Fenris. "Hawke, what is it?"

"He has my mother."

* * *

The estate was full of her companions within the hour. Bodahn had returned from shopping shortly after the letter arrived, and Fenris sent him immediately to gather Hawkes friends. They gathered in the dining room and began to work out a plan.

"He wants Hawke to meet him at the Foundry tonight," Aveline began her briefing. "We've been to the Foundry before, and it's an excellent place for an ambush."

"It's the same Foundry where we found the hand," Isabela asked.

"Yes," Aveline stated.

"Oh lucky us," Isabela commented sarcastically.

Aveline rolled her eyes at Isabela and continued. "We'll need you, Isabela, to go in ahead and check for any traps. There's only one way in and out of that place, so the rest of us will stay at the door until we hear trouble. He wants Hawke and Fenris to come alone."

"He will be prepared," Fenris stated sharply, hating this entire plan of even meeting this mans demands.

"And so will we," Aveline said firmly. "Cullen and I will be the first to enter. Varric, you, Sebastian, and Merrill follow behind us. We'll spread out once we're inside, long rangers stick to the shadows and the corners. After Isabela has disarmed any traps, she can search for Leandra. When you find her, signal to Anders and he'll come help you get her out of there."

Sebastian spoke up, "what exactly do you suppose we'll be fighting?"

Fenris replied, "abominations, corpses, demons, and Danarius and his pet Hadriana. This entire plan is useless, we will not win."

"You have to believe we will Fenris," Sebastian stated. "We will defeat them."

"No, you will get yourselves killed," Fenris said. "Hawke, let us just make the trade and be done with it."

"You for my mother," Hawke asked, "do you really think I'm willing to make that trade? No, we will work through this and find a way to save my mother and give you your freedom. I will not discuss a trade any further."

Fenris glared at her, not believing her stubbornness, when his thoughts were interrupted by Bodahn. "Excuse the intrusion messere, but you have another guest."

Hawke looked around the room wondering who else could possibly show up. She excused herself from the table and followed Bodahn downstairs. In the foyer waiting for her was Zevran. She smiled at him and hugged him. "You have no idea how good it is to see you right now," she said.

"My dear, the pleasure is always mine," he said returning her embrace. "I hear you have a gathering upstairs. Come, I have news to share."

Hawke looked at him curiously and then brought him upstairs. "If I remember correctly you met everyone the night we went after Hadriana," Hawke said to Zevran, "with the exception of Fenris. Fenris, I'd like you to meet Zevran."

Fenris stood and walked around the table, extended a hand to the fellow elf. "I believe I owe you my gratitude for saving Hawke from Hadriana's ambush. For that I am grateful."

"No thanks necessary my friend," Zevran said accepting his hand. "She is a beauty and a pleasure to save any day. And so are you might I add."

"Mmm," Fenris muttered while releasing his hand uncomfortably.

"So let's get down to business, shall we?" Zevran said as he made himself comfortable at the table.

Hawke returned to her seat. "I've had Zevran look into a few things for me. You say you have news?"

"Indeed," Zevran said. "Your summoning to the Foundry is indeed a trap. Your mother is in fact being held back at the caves we went to a few months ago. Your friend Hadriana is there with her. There will be no exchange. Danarius plans on killing you Hawke, and taking your tattooed friend back to the homeland."

Hawke looked around the table at her friends expressions. The news seemed to relieve some of them. Cullen spoke, "we should go to the caves immediately then, get your mother back and take out this Hadriana."

"I agree," Aveline stated. "It should be easier to take her out alone with all of us. Any objections?" The room was silent as everyone seemed to agree with this new plan. "Excellent. Gather what we need and then meet back here in an hour. We'll head out then."

Hawke stood up as did everyone else to get ready. "Thank you all for helping me," Hawke said. "I appreciate the support."

"We'll get her back," Varric said reassuringly.

One by one her friends departed, talking amongst themselves as they left the estate. Isabela made an attempt to get Zevran to leave with her, suggesting an hour was more than enough time for some fun. Zevran politely declined, advising Isabela he had further news to discuss with Hawke.

Zevran gave Hawke the space Fenris apparently wanted as he too stayed behind. "I will wait for you downstairs my dear. My friend," he said to Fenris, "it was a pleasure to finally meet you."

"You as well," Fenris said as Zevran left them alone.

Hawke sat down next to Fenris. "What is it?"

Fenris sighed. "I've wanted to leave my past behind me, but it won't stay there."

"In time Fenris, it will. We will find them both and make sure they never threaten us again."

Fenris stood up and looked at her. "I am sorry your mother was dragged into this Hawke. I will make Hadriana pay, make them both pay, I swear it."

"I know Fenris," she said standing up as well. "It'll all be over soon."

Fenris nodded and walked down the stairs with her. As he left, Zevran appeared behind her. "So that is the one who broke your heart, tsk tsk. I understand now your desire for him, he is amazingly handsome."

Hawke gave him half a smile. "Yes, and I came very close to breaking his heart as well." She sighed and went upstairs as Zevran followed.

Zevran asked, "you insist on telling him what happened that night then hmm?"

She nodded. "I have to. I don't want to lie to him." She went into her bedroom and began preparing her armor.

Zevran sighed. "I suppose you must do what you must do, though I am sorry I have brought you such regrets."

Hawke turned to look at him. "Just because I want to be honest with him Zevran, does not mean I have regrets." She cleared her throat and turned away from him. "You said you had more news?"

"I do," Zevran said sitting on the bed watching her gather her things. "I'm afraid your friends sister has a secret of her own."

"Oh?" Hawke said tossing throwing daggers into a bag. "What did you find out?"

"There is more than one elf with lyrium markings in that family."

Hawke turned to look at him. "She's marked?"

Zevran nodded. "She has two large lines going down her spine. No others that I could see, but I was in a difficult position as it was to see her entire body."

Hawke sat down next to him on the bed. "This means she's had contact with Danarius. Do you think she's working with him?"

Zevran shrugged. "She doesn't leave the house much, I did not see them interact at all. But it does only leave two possibilities. She is either working with him, or against him."

Hawke sighed. "And we have no idea which. How did you know where my mother was?"

"Ah, well I had come to see you earlier when you received the note. I took it upon myself to follow the messenger who led me to Danarius. There I overheard him talking to Hadriana and the rest you know."

Hawke stared at the floor lost in thought. "I don't know what I'll do if something happens to her," Hawke said sullenly. "She is the only family I have left."

"Do not think this way," Zevran said. "You have a ridiculously awesome team put together."

She smiled as she turned to look at him. "It seems all I do is thank you Zevran, I owe you so much."

"Ah, to prevent sadness in those eyes is reward enough," he said as he stood up. He took her hand and kissed it. "Until later my dear, I am going to get a head start and make sure this isn't another trap."

"Be careful Zevran," she said as she watched him go.

* * *

They approached the holding caves north of the city a few hours later. "These holding caves held slaves in the old times," Fenris told Hawke. "They were designed to protect slaves from raiding slavers. There will be traps to disable, and blind spots to look out for. No doubt it's why Hadriana chose this place to begin with."

"Hadriana won't escape us," Hawke said sternly.

Zevran met up with them at the entrance. "Your mother is inside along with the mage," he told Hawke. "I didn't venture too far in because I did not wish to alarm her."

Aveline stood next to Hawke. "Are you ready?"

Hawke nodded, looking at her friends. "We stick with the plan. Get in, get my mother out. Fenris, Zevran, Cullen and I will deal with Hadriana. I don't want anyone getting hurt if we can avoid it."

As they entered the caves, the smell of death almost overwhelmed them. The first room they encountered held several tables, each with a bloody corpse upon it. "See for yourself, the legacy of the magisters."

"The missing nobles," Cullen said quietly examining the bodies. "Lord Harimann, Lord Carrac, Lord and Lady Launcet…"

Hawke spoke quietly, "missing nobles? When did this happen?"

Cullen shook his head, "over the last week several nobles had gone missing. I guess now we know why."

Sebastian stood before them and silently whispered a prayer to the Maker, "Blessed be the souls of the faithful, that they ascend to your right hand."

"Is this allowed in Tevinter," Aveline asked.

"In a society where mages rule," Fenris explained, "they find many ways to justify their need for power."

Merrill spoke up, "they sacrifice the unwilling?"

Fenris glared at her. "Is that so hard to believe? You're only a step away from it yourself."

Merrill took a step back. "That's not true."

"Believe what you want," Fenris snapped back. "Hadriana has no doubt prepared for trouble. Be cautious."

As they entered the next room, they were met by a group of slavers. Zevran, Hawke, and Isabela quietly moved behind the group as Fenris and Aveline engaged them. The sound of metal hitting metal echoed through the empty hall, Fenris easily taking down one as Aveline hit another. Varric and Sebastian released waves of arrows at the group, as Anders and Merrill held back saving their strength for Hadriana. Cullen assisted Aveline, taking down two more as the shadowed rogues revealed themselves and backstabbed the others. The fight was over before it really began, and the party moved on to the next hallway.

Corpses seemed to come from nowhere as they continued to cut their way through the cave. They struggled a bit with this group, attack after attack seeming to have little effect on the monsters. "Mage!" Hawke screamed as she noticed the healer behind them. Cullen went to work draining the mage of his energy and the team had more success knocking the corpses down.

Each way they turned met with more resistance. Slavers, corpses, shades, skeletons, Hadriana was certainly prepared for them, but they were as prepared for her tricks. Merrill and Anders joined in the fight with the shades, large area attacks assisted by Varric and Sebastian left little for the warriors and rogues to handle when they were done. They pushed on quickly, knowing by now Hadriana was aware of their presence and probably summoning more for them to battle.

As they approached the large room, Hadriana stood against the back wall surrounded by slavers. "You've made a terrible mistake coming here slave!"

"Not as much as you have witch," Fenris responded as he immediately went after her.

Hawke scanned the room and saw her mother slouched in the corner tied up. "Anders, Sebastian, get her out of here!"

The two did as she instructed, Aveline and Cullen blocking anyone that got in their way so they could get Leandra out of harms way. Each swing of Fenris' blade was met with resistance by some magical shield Hadriana surrounded herself with. Zevran, Isabella, and Hawke battled shades and corpses. Varric and Merrill pinned who they could with spells and arrows until someone else could finish them off. Two more mages joined the fight, healing the abominations that were summoned. After Anders and Sebastian were out of harms way, Cullen and Aveline went after the mages. Aveline used some of her new talents to assist Cullen in draining the mages and then ultimately killing them.

Moments later all that remained was Hadriana. Aveline rushed towards and dispelled her shield. Hawke watched her friend in a new role, and made a mental note to drill her about it later. Hadriana released spell after spell at them, hitting the party with everything she had left. Wounded but undeterred they returned fire, ultimately cornering her and getting her staff away from her. She moved towards the corner seeing she was surrounded, and made a final plea for her life. Fenris towered over her, the rest of the group allowing him this final confrontation. His markings were glowing and there was nothing but coldness in his eyes.

"Stop," Hadriana yelled, "you do not want me dead!"

Fenris glared at her. "There is only one person I want dead more," he said to her moving in closer for the kill.

"I have information elf, information you will want to hear."

"Fenris," Hawke said moving beside him. "This is your call, but I say end it before she can try anything else."

His gaze never left Hadriana. "There's nothing you have to say that I want to hear."

She continued to try, "even if it involves your friend Hawke?"

He paused, a look of interest crossing his face.

"Kill her Fenris," Hawke stated, "before I do."

"Speak quickly," Fenris said still glaring at her, markings glowing stronger.

"You mustn't trust her," Hadriana said quickly. "She's slept with that elf," she said looking in Zevran's direction, "and she has him spying on you and your sister. She will destroy you.."

Fenris didn't look away from her as his hand reached into her chest. "Not before I destroy you," he growled as he crushed her heart.

Everyone seemed to take a step back as the tension and anger built within him. "Fenris," Hawke said putting her hand on his shoulder.

He turned and grabbed her by the neck and threw her against the wall, markings still bright and building power. "Is it true," he asked in a voice she didn't recognize.

Before she could respond, Aveline got between them. "Let her go Fenris, now!"

He looked at Aveline, the force of her words knocking sense back into him. He released Hawke and she fell to the ground coughing and holding her throat. Fenris took a step back, realizing what he had just done, and ran past the group out of the caves.

Aveline knelt down next to Hawke. "Are you alright?"

Hawke couldn't answer, still in shock over what just happened. She tried to get up and Aveline helped her. She slowly walked past her friends towards the end of the hall where Anders and Sebastian were with her mother. Anders knelt on the floor holding Leandra, and Sebastian stood over them. As Hawke approached, Anders looked up at her. "I'm sorry Hawke, she was already gone when we got here."

Hawke didn't say a word as she knelt down next to her mother, taking her from Anders and now holding on to her. She put her head down and kissed Leandra's forehead. Sebastian knelt beside her and put his arm around her, and she allowed the tears to find their way.


	14. Loss & Love

The dresser was as she left it. Ribbons placed gently on the left side, different colors and lengths. Her brush lay next to them, random strands of hair still sticking out in several directions. Small glass containers of assorted scents lay in the middle, some full, her favorites near empty. The mirror that hung above the dresser showed the face of sadness, despair, torment, and grief. She opened one of the glass containers and breathed in slowly, remembering the smell as it filled the house every morning.

The door next to the dresser was open. She entered the small room and looked at each side, full of beautiful colors and designs of dresses worn and new. On the back wall of the closet was her old, torn, ratty dress that she had worn from Lothering to Kirkwall. She said she kept it there as a reminder of where she came from, of all that she'd lost to get here. She refused to wash it, her daughters blood still noticeable on the hem where she'd wiped her face clean. The floor of the closet was lined with shoes of various types, and a few handbags that were never full of anything, just used for show.

The nigh table still held an unfinished glass of water. Lipstick stained the rim, a soft red she preferred. A book by Brother Genitivi lay face down, saving her place. She picked it up and read the last page she had read, imagining her sitting up in bed reading and drifting off to sleep as she so often did when reading.

She sat on the disheveled bed, still unmade from the night before. The scent of her still lingered in the blankets. She laid down and curled up with one of the pillows that smelled so much like her. She closed her eyes, imagining she was a child again resting next to her mother. She almost felt the hand rubbing her back, lulling her to sleep.

* * *

Her friends had decided to take turns watching the estate, afraid that in her vulnerable condition Danarius would choose this time to come after Hawke. They knew she'd never let them in to check on her, so they did what they could and kept an eye on her from afar. Varric sat first watch, uneventful as day turned to night, and was thankful when Zevran came to relieve him. Instead of going back to the Hanged Man for some much needed sleep, he decided to make a stop to check in on the other person who could possibly be in danger.

He walked into the mansion as usual, awaiting the broody elf to come at him from some shadow with his sword. Instead the elf remained seated in the foyer, not even budging or looking up to see who had entered. "I could be some big bad murderer broody, you should really pay attention."

He said nothing at first, looking up at Varric after a few minutes. "What do you want dwarf?"

"Now is that any way to greet someone who is concerned for your well being?" Varric walked towards Fenris and sat on the chair opposite him. "You need to snap out of it and pay attention."

"To what," Fenris snarled, "you've come to no doubt ridicule me for my behavior? Get out while you still have your head."

Varric shook his head. "I'm not leaving broody. Not until you listen to what I have to say."

Fenris snuffed and looked away from Varric. "Make it quick, I have little patience today."

"You need to go see Hawke," he said simply.

Fenris snapped his head back towards Varric. "I almost killed her. She does not need me or want me. Let it go."

Varric shook his head. "I think you're wrong elf. You should go talk to her."

"Apparently she'd rather talk to that assassin," Fenris stated full of anger and jealousy. "Go bother him."

"Oh that's right, you never bothered to ask her for an explanation," Varric said standing up. "No one is perfect elf, least of all you. I'm surprised you're so quick to judge her, someone you claimed to have cared for."

"You know nothing of what I am feeling dwarf, now go away," Fenris said as he started to walk up the stairs.

Suddenly it occurred to Varric that Fenris may not know what happened after he left the caves. "Leandra's dead," Varric informed him.

Fenris stopped in his tracks.

"After Carver died you were the only one to get through to her," Varric said softly. "She's going to need you now whether she knows it or not." Varric walked out of the estate, leaving the speechless Fenris still standing on the stairs.

* * *

Three days later a memorial was being held in the Chantry for the deceased nobles. It was the first time Hawke had left the estate, venturing out by herself to the services. Her friends had all shown up to pay their respects, and while Hawke didn't engage in much conversation, she did thank them for coming and promised to visit them soon. She lingered for a bit as the service let out, listening to the families of the other deceased go on about how brave the templars were for eradicating this threat on Kirkwall. She wasn't aware that was the tale that was spun, but realized it made more sense then them all knowing she was responsible.

Everyone had left the Chantry except Sebastian, who joined Hawke in the front row. "How are you holding up Hawke," he asked quietly.

She shrugged, not looking up from the string she was playing with in her lap. "I'm tired," she finally said after a few minutes.

Sebastian put his arm around her. "No one is expecting anything from you, you know. If you want to cry, or be angry, or be alone, everyone wants you to know they are there for you no matter what you need."

Hawke sighed. "I need her back," she said softly. "I need to stop losing the ones I love."

"I wonder," Sebastian asked, "if your experiences sour your faith?"

"I wonder how yours don't," Hawke said honestly looking at him. "You've lost your family as I have. And yet here you are, still loyal to the Maker."

"It wasn't the Maker that took my family from me. You mustn't blame Him for your loss."

"I don't," Hawke said standing up. "I blame myself."

* * *

Hawke returned to the sanctuary of her home. She kicked her shoes off by the front door and walked into the living room. Bodahn and Sandal were out for the day, having attended the services as well and then had to attend to some trading in the square. She welcomed the silence of the estate, lacking the energy to do anything but crawl into her bed and sleep. She wearily went up the stairs, pausing to look at the bedroom door to the left that was her mothers. She avoided going in there today, knowing she'd have to stop obsessing before it consumed her. She opened the door to her bedroom, and was greeted by an all too familiar scent.

"Fenris?"

He came out of the shadows from near her window. "I didn't want to startle you, but I knew if I knocked you wouldn't have let me in."

Hawke sighed. "I don't know what I would've done, so I don't know how you'd know," she said harshly as she removed the ribbon from her hair and let it lose around her shoulders. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see if you were alright," he said softly.

She refused to face him, now sitting on her bed fighting the tears and feeling a lump in her throat. "I'm fine," she whispered.

He walked towards the bed. "I don't know what to say, but I am here." She remained quiet, turning to look at him. He sat next to her on the bed, taking one of her hands in his. His other hand he brought up to her face, wiping a tear with his thumb as he'd done so many times before. His eyes filled with sadness and tears of his own as he noticed the bruises on her neck. He traced them with his finger lightly, voice trembling as he apologized.

She took his hand and removed it from her neck, holding it now on the bed with the other. "It's alright," she said to him. "I certainly deserved it."

"No," he said sharply and roughly. "I never should have hurt you. What you deserve is someone who can control their anger, and that is not me."

Hawke released his hands and moved on the bed to face him. "Can we not blame ourselves or each other for everything right now? I'm exhausted from it and honestly can't handle anymore."

Fenris nodded in agreement. "Tell me what you need, and it is done."

Hawke looked into his eyes, the same eyes she had gazed into so many times before. His guilt and sorrow overwhelmed her, having seen that expression on herself each day she looked in the mirror. She leaned forward and kissed him.

He was surprised at first, his mind telling him to pull away but his heart and body had other plans. He brought his hand to her hair and brought her in closer, their lips meeting for the first time in months. He had missed her, the feel of her, the taste of her, and the passion ignited between them once again.

She moved on top of him sitting in his lap, arms over his shoulders as her tongue moved with his. She felt his erection through their clothes as she pressed harder into his mouth. He responded with a need she never knew, and she felt his hands on her back lifting her shirt.

They parted only for a moment as he lifted her shirt over her head and discarded it somewhere unknown. She returned to kissing him, his warm lips on hers as he held her close. Each kiss deepened, roughened, became more demanding than the last.

Her scent, her soft skin, the heat of her mouth, the taste of her drove him wild; Fenris had dreamed of this time with her again. She offered herself to him and he wasn't strong enough to resist. As his hands touched her soft skin on her back, he had to have more.

"Fenris," she whispered his name, fear and need rising equally. She wanted his hands on her, wanted his body in hers, yet she didn't know what to expect. She wanted to stop, to think, but feeling him pressed against her, she equally just wanted him.

He trailed kisses from her temple to her cheek, down to the corner of her mouth. His hands moved over her skin, tracing her ribs, her small waist, gliding up to cup the soft weight of her breasts, thumbs teasing her nipples into hard peaks.

A soft sound escaped her throat, a breathy, urgent plea that made him nearly crazy with wanting to strip the remaining clothes from her body. He needed to savor the feel of her skin, the sound of her soft, breathy moan, the dark richness of desire building in her eyes for him. Her body fit his, every curve, the flare of her hips and soft swelling breasts.

Fenris too wanted to stop, to think, to confront her about the months he was away. But he was losing himself in her now. He felt like he belonged with her, and she with him, and he had never felt that way before. She didn't look at him the way the rest of the world did. She saw past his markings, past his tortured history, and still wanted to be with him.

He leaned to kiss her again, hands tunneling deep in her thick, silky hair. Her mouth opened for him, responding with hot passion. He took his time this time, refusing to be rough, savoring her taste, the feel of her. He slowed his wandering hands, dwelling on her curves and soft valleys, mapping her body in his mind.

Hawke couldn't believe the gentleness of him, the tenderness. After so much anger and hostility towards her only a few days ago, he was controlled and loving. Instead of stripping the clothes from her body, he unwrapped her as if she were priceless and fragile, with a tender care bordering on reverence. He gently lifted her off of him and removed his clothes. He lay her down on the bed and kissed her again, long slow drugging kisses until her eyes were glazed and her body trembled beneath his touch. He trailed kisses down her neck, over the curve of her breasts to her nipples. He felt ravaged with hunger for her, his teeth teasing and tugging and wanting. He removed the rest of her clothes as he continued to torment her nipples, and she arched her back with pleasure.

He then moved his hand between her legs, gently pressing a finger into her tight channel. She made a soft sound of need, her wetness and obvious desire for him making it easy to stretch her when he inserted two fingers. Her scent was teasing him, his body swelling to painful proportions. She was hot and wet and so tempting, all the while looking at him with innocence and love.

Fenris got on top of her and pressed into her slick, welcoming entrance. She was still very tight, and very hot, the feeling so intense his body shook with the need to slam into her and bury himself. She grabbed on to his back as he pushed further and further inside her. He moved within her, past the tight folds. He leaned over her, his fingers tight now around hers, and thrust through any remaining barriers between them, burying his rock hard flesh deep into her. She released a soft cry as her body adjusted to his size, and he felt his pulse pound and his cock jerk.

She lifted her hips to meet his thrust, holding him close to her as he thrust deeper and deeper. She was so tight it was nearly painful to him, but as he moved within her, her body accepted all of him, and he wanted to bury himself deeper and deeper, harder and harder. He felt like his body was starved for her, this perfect body, their perfect fit. He pressed down to kiss her again, her breasts against his chest exciting him even more than he thought possible.

Piercing pleasure washed over Hawke, rushing through her body with far more force than she'd ever imagined. Every stroke sent streaks of lightning racing over her skin, sizzling through her veins, and contracting her womb. Her muscles tightened and tightened, an unrelenting pressure that continued to build past any expectation she'd ever had. As Fenris held her arms down above her head to devour her, she was somewhat frightened. To be held down, to look up at his face, the savage lines cut deep and the intensity burned in his turbulent eyes. Yet at the same time it heightened her sexual pleasure, pushing her beyond any limits she might have had.

He surged into her again and again, stretching her impossibly, filling her so full she wanted to scream with pleasure, yet it was almost too much. The scent of him nearly drove her crazy, the building inferno she couldn't stop. She needed to catch breath, to pause, just for a second. Her muscles shuddered, clamped down as he slammed the full length of his shaft deep into her, driving into her over and over like a man possessed.

There was pleasure and pain, fear and joy. Sweat broke out on his body as he surged deeper, harder, the friction from her velvet tight sheath nearly spiraling him out of control. She struggled a bit under the weight of him, and he leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I am yours."

His voice was too caressing, too needy, and she was suddenly lost in him again. She lifted her hips to meet his invasion, rising with every stroke, tightening her muscles around him to heighten their pleasure, feeling it crash over her, through her, building to such an intensity she could barely keep from screaming. Her inner muscles spasmed, and Fenris' body jerked as she clamped down. His voice, a hoarse whisper, sounded sexy, even erotic, as he emptied himself deep inside her. She felt the thick hot jets filling her, his juices mixing with her own, and their combined release triggered another wild spasm.

His hands slowly slid away form her wrists, down her arms to tunnel in her hair. He closed his eyes, just feeling her, savoring her hot body tight around his, her skin unbelievably soft, her hair thick and beautiful through the pads of his fingers. He kissed her again, needing the taste of her in his mouth. Pain began to creep over his body, having not prepared himself for this intimacy, but he held it at bay just a few moments longer, giving him enough time to trail kisses down her throat to her breast, just to feel her skin. He opened his eyes to take in the sight of her stretched out like a sacrifice, a gift.

Hawke reached up to touch his face, her touch so gentle it nearly was his undoing. "I am yours as well," she said, eyes still closed lost in the moment. He pulled away from her, feeling the burn of tears. This woman was slowly killing him. "Fenris," she said to him as he removed himself from her, leaving her suddenly feeling empty. "Talk to me, please," she begged.

He retrieved his pants from the floor and put them on hastily. "I apologize," he said finally. "I should not have taken advantage of you."

She stood up to be near him, still naked with beads of sweat on her body. "You didn't," Hawke said as she stroked his back. "I needed this just as much as you did, and I started it. Please, don't go."

He turned to look at her, those big beautiful eyes begging him again to stay. He'd seen it before; when he found her months ago, lost in the grief of her brothers death, then again in their dreams the night he left her. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Instead of leaving he embraced her, the scent of her hair filling him as he rested his head on hers. They stood in her bedroom for a while, holding each other, finally finding each other again after so much time apart.

For now, all was forgiven.


	15. Mirror Image

She looked into the mirror for a few minutes and then closed her eyes, concentrating on the image in her mind. The change had begun, and she bit down on her lip to keep from screaming. The pain was intense, as it was during all those months of training, but she was quicker at it now, and had perfected her talent. It would take a few minutes, but the end result would be worth the pain. He'd be happy with her, and that's all she ever wanted. When she opened her eyes she looked in the mirror again and smiled at her success. She put on her new clothes, tied her hair back, and set off out for Lowtown.

* * *

Fenris quietly got out of bed in an attempt not to wake her. He hadn't planned on spending the night, in fact he hadn't planned on anything that happened last night. While he didn't have regrets, he did have concerns, and before he made a fool out of himself he tried to leave quietly without some inevitable confrontation.

But a skilled rogue he was not, and Hawke heard his poor attempt to leave unnoticed. She pretended she was still asleep, allowing him to take off if that's what he wished to do, in order to avoid any embarrassment for him. When she heard the bedroom door close silently behind him as he left, she opened her eyes and sighed. She was prepared to play it his way for now, since they still hadn't really talked about everything that had happened. She forced herself to get out of bed, smiling as she wondered how Fenris explained his way past Bodahn, and prepared herself for the day.

* * *

The Hanged Man was quiet early in the morning. Only those in true misery started drinking so early, or were continuing to do so from the previous evening. She made her way through the tavern to the rooms upstairs, passing Varrics room and turning down the hall to the last room on the left. She knocked softly as to not wake the other guests, and a few seconds later the door opened. "To what do I owe this unexpected visit," Zevran said as he invited her in.

"I need a favor," she said as she closed the door.

"Indeed," Zevran said walking towards the bed. "I admit it's a little early for me, but come, I have plenty of time for you."

She smiled awkwardly and leaned against the wall. "Do you have any plans for the day?"

He thought for a moment, "hmm, no, none that I can think of. You wish to ravish me all day then? I'm game."

She shook her head. "I need you to check something out for me."

He sighed. "Tsk tsk, spoil my fun already. Alright Hawke, what is it you need from me?"

"There's a cave just outside the Bone Pit I need you to look into. I think it may be where Danarius is hiding, and I want to be sure before I drag everyone out there. I'd go myself, but to be honest I don't think I'm at my best right now."

"Hmm," Zevran said looking at her. "I am sure you are quite capable, but I would be happy to do this for you."

"Thank you," she said going towards the door.

He stopped her. "Hawke, we have not spoken yet of how you are doing, considering everything that has happened."

She moved away from him and opened the door. "I'll be fine once we get rid of Danarius. Please let me know what you find."

He watched her walk down the hall with a curious glance. Something had changed in her, but he wasn't quite sure what it was. He shrugged it off and went back into his room, sighing to himself that he wouldn't get the luxury of going back to sleep.

* * *

Hawke made her way to the barracks to visit Aveline. She had a promise to keep to her friend to come see her once she was up to it. Not wanting to break her promise, and tired of feeling sorry for herself, Hawke walked through the crowd of people waiting to see the Viscount and branched off towards the barracks. She knocked on the Captains door and let herself in. "Hawke," Aveline said standing up. "You're looking well."

"Thanks," Hawke said shutting the door behind her. "How's the Captain's life treating you?"

"Hawke," Aveline said seriously, "there's no need for small talk with me. How are you, really?"

"My mother is dead, my heart is broken," Hawke said sitting down. "Is there more to say than that? I suppose not."

Aveline nodded. "At least you're facing it honestly."

Hawke shrugged. "I'm trying. At least I'm out of the house, right? Baby steps and all."

Aveline sat on the edge of the desk facing her. "I know it's no consolation, but at least you knew her. I only have a fading memory of my mother, her hair mostly, like mine."

"You've never spoken of your family," Hawke stated.

"You know me Hawke, I don't get all nostalgic if I don't have to. But you and your mother and your brother, you were my family when I had none, and I will forever be grateful for that. I may not say it, but I feel it, and I wanted you to know that. I will miss her too."

Hawke looked at the caring concern in her friends eyes. "I appreciate that Aveline. They loved you too. Some think I am alone now, but I will always consider you my sister."

Aveline smiled, a wave of softness and love crossing her face. It lasted only a moment, and she recovered quickly back to the stoic supporter Hawke always knew she'd be. "So in other news," Hawke started," Fenris and I are making progress."

"Oh?" Aveline stood up and moved to sit behind her desk. "I heard Varric threatened him to come see you."

"Is that who I have to thank," Hawke chuckled. "He stopped by, spent the night, then snuck out in the morning."

"Hawke, do you know what you're doing?"

"No," Hawke stated quickly. "I haven't a clue. But it was something we both needed I think, and I'm going to leave it like that."

"Isn't that what you said about Zevran? It was something you needed?"

Hawke shrugged. "What can I say, I'm needy. Don't judge me Aveline, please."

"I'm not," Aveline responded. "I just hope you're prepared for the consequences of your actions. Perhaps Isabela would be more suited to discuss this with."

"As a former lover of Zevrans, I think that is a very bad idea. Besides, Zevran isn't expecting anything more from me. As it stands, it was the one night with no strings attached."

Aveline shook her head. "And yet he does anything you ask, and is still in town for no obvious reason other than you?"

"I don't think there's anything there except genuine friendship. And for all we know he's still here for Isabela, and not me."

Aveline looked at her. "You are out of the loop then aren't you."

"What," Hawke said innocently, "what did I miss?"

"According to Varric, Isabela has been trying for weeks to sleep with Zevran and he's denied her."

"That doesn't make sense," Hawke said. "With everything he's told me, that makes no sense at all."

"Or perhaps you're too involved to see it," Aveline said. "I'd ask myself why he's still in town. Even after you asked him to stop tailing Varania, he's remained. Why do you think that is?"

Hawke thought for a moment. "You're right, I have no idea. And I think that's too much for me to process right now." She allowed herself to think about it for a few minutes, then decided to change the subject. "Have you anymore news on Danarius? Besides what we already know?"

Aveline shook her head. "I think we have about as much information on him as we're going to have. Any plans?"

Hawke stood and nodded. "I'm looking into a few things. When I have something positive you'll be the first to know." She walked towards the door, opened it, and turned to look at her friend. "Thanks Aveline, again, for everything."

"Don't mention it Hawke. I'll be here if you need me."

* * *

Fenris was surprised when he opened the door and she was standing there. He had hoped she wouldn't come by today, that she'd give him some time to consider all that had happened the previous night. But there she was, and he feared the confrontation that he felt was about to begin.

"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I need your help with something."

"I told you that you didn't have to knock," he said as he moved for her to enter.

She remained in the doorway though and didn't enter the mansion. "Can you come with me? I think I may have a lead on Danarius, and I didn't want to go alone."

Fenris' eyes glared at her. "Have you found him," he asked.

"Possibly. Please, come with me."

He grabbed his sword by the front door and shut the door behind him. "Lead the way," he said.

They walked out of Kirkwall in silence, through the dusty roads towards the Bone Pit. Fenris studied her from behind as she led him on, not saying another word to him. He wondered if she had regrets of their previous evening together, or if she was just being silent for his benefit.

They came across a cave before the Bone Pit, and she stopped by the entrance. "I think he's in here," she finally said as Fenris looked into the entrance.

"Are you certain?"

She nodded, gesturing for him to go ahead of her. "I was afraid to bring everyone in case he isn't."

Fenris released a low growl. "I will not wait any longer. If he is here, let us finish this." Fenris went charging into the cave full of rage, his lyrium markings lighting the way through the dark corridor. "Danarius, can you hear me? Show yourself coward!"

He continued down the corridor until he entered a large room. There appeared to be no other paths to take, and he turned around to face her. "Hawke, there's nothing here. What is this about?"

She smiled at him. With a quick gesture of her hands she cast a spell towards him, and Fenris was frozen in place. He tried to move but couldn't, and looked at her with a questioning look. "What is the meaning of this Hawke? How did you do that?"

She continued to say nothing, but sent a bolt of electricity towards the south wall. The rock crumbled around what was revealed to be a cage, and in the cage was Zevran. "Prepare to join your friend," she said as she walked towards the door. It appeared to have been locked by a spell, because a glow of her hands opened the cage. Some unseen force behind Fenris pushed him towards the cage and he hit the back wall, slumping down on the floor. She stepped into the cage and chained Fenris up as he was dazed, the same way Zevran was chained - wrists and ankles behind their backs chained to the wall. She closed the door and a flash of her hand sealed it once more.

Zevran looked at her shaking his head. "As much as I love to be tied up my dear, I am curious what you have in mind for the both of us? I'm game if you are," he joked.

She smiled. "That would be disgusting," she said as if it were obvious. "He's my brother."

Fenris, who was now barely coming to, looked at her. "Hawke?"

"No," came a voice from the shadows. "She is not who you think she is."

"Danarius," Fenris growled, markings glowing with fury.

"Ah, my little Fenris," The tall gray haired man said as he walked towards the caged elves. "Predictable as always."

"I'm sorry it led to this Leto," the woman said. Both elves stared at her in awe as she changed before them, turning from Hawke to Varania.

"Your sisters a shape shifter?" Zevran asked. "My my, how fascinating."

Fenris continued to glare at Danarius as he spoke. "Yes, my sisters a mage. With some new talents apparently."

"Now now Fenris," Danarius said. "Don't blame your sister. She did what any good Imperial citizen should."

"I never wanted these filthy markings, Danarius! But I won't let you kill me to get them."

Danarius laughed. "Oh, how little you know, my pet. I am not going to kill you. For now, you are both bait."

Fenris' rage was clear, but it was also clear to Zevran that it would be of little help given the situation they were in. "You plan to lure Hawke here I take it," he asked.

"Phase one of the plan, yes," Danarius stated. "But for now, relax and get to know each other. You'll be here a while."

"Varania!" Fenris called out to his sister.

She took a moment to look back at him, but then followed Danarius out of the cave.


	16. Confusion

Hawke approached the mansion apprehensively. She wasn't sure how much time she should give Fenris to think about what happened. She played the scenario in her mind a hundred times. If she gave him too little time, she'd seem pushy. If she waited too long, would his regret build? It was an inner struggle that kept her up all night, so this morning she was determined to face him and deal with whatever his mood would bring.

She raised her hand to knock, but then recalled how he was almost hurt she hadn't just walked in the last time she came to see him. She went with both this time, knocking while opening the door and calling out his name, "Fenris? Are you home?"

"He's not here," came the answer from Varania on the upstairs railing overlooking the foyer.

"Oh," Hawke said showing her disappointment. "Do you know where he may be?"

Varania shook her head. "I haven't seen him since he left with you yesterday. I assumed he was still with you."

Hawke shook her head. "He wasn't with me yesterday, well, not since yesterday morning."

Varania walked down the stairs towards her. "No, you came by yesterday afternoon and he left with you."

Hawke gave her an inquisitive look. "I was with Aveline yesterday afternoon."

Varania shrugged. "Just telling you what I saw. Maybe you're getting your days mixed up?"

Hawke studied her face and thought about it, searching her mind. She's certain she wasn't with Fenris yesterday, but Varania seemed so sure. "Hmm, maybe you're right. If you see him, will you tell him I'm looking for him?"

Varania shrugged. "Sure," she said as she walked passed Hawke and into the kitchen, clearly ending the conversation.

* * *

He had exhausted most of his energy trying to get out of the restraints that tightly held him to the wall. Whatever force of magic had been placed on him, Fenris was unable to use his lyrium talents or break his binds, and his frustration was growing. Zevran watched him for most the night, struggling, sweating, tearing into the flesh on his wrists as he tried to break free. As he did so Zevran chose to rest, saving his strength for when the opportunity presented himself for escape. By morning, at least what Zevran assumed was morning as it was difficult to judge in their dark confines, Fenris was slumped against the wall, appearing tired and drained.

"You should save your energy my friend, they no doubt have prepared this place for your special talents."

Fenris shot a nasty glance in Zevrans direction. "I am not your friend," he said while continuing to pull on the chains.

"Come come," Zevran said sternly, "we certainly might as well be friends since we're stuck here, no?"

Fenris continued to glare and growled, "No."

Zevran sighed as he stood up and removed the bindings from his hands and feet. "That is a shame, since I was more than willing to help you out of your chains. Perhaps I should leave you tied up then."

Fenris looked at Zevran curiously. "How did you..."

But Zevran cut him off. "Oh, now we are friends again? Good. Stop moving and let me get behind you." Fenris shifted uncomfortably as Zevran began to pick the locks on Fenris' wrists. "You really have done a number on yourself," he stated as he released one arm.

"You could have told me you were free earlier and saved me the trouble of fighting," Fenris said in his broody manor.

"Oh? And miss the silent bonding we've had for hours? I wanted to give you time to calm down so you didn't kill me the moment I freed you."

Fenris muttered through gritted teeth, "I am not going to kill you. Yet."

"Ah, this is good to know," Zevran said as he released his second wrist. Fenris moved his arms in front of him, working the blood back into them and observing the damage he'd done to himself. His wrists were bloodied and bruising.

Zevran knelt in front of him to work on the shackles around his ankles. He looked up at Fenris as he did so. "You know, if you didn't have such hatred for me, I can think of a great way to pass the time."

Fenris studied his face. "Are you seriously making a pass at me while we're trapped in here?"

"Of course, what else should two roguishly handsome elves do when trapped together in darkness?"

Fenris shifted under his stare but remained silent as Zevran continued to work on his restraints.

* * *

Hawke walked into Aveline's office to find her friend buried behind a stack of paperwork on her desk. Aveline looked up when Hawke entered and greeted her friend. "Hawke, it's good to see you, how are you?"

Hawke sat down in the chair opposite Aveline and sighed. "Having a strange morning. You?"

"Swamped in paperwork," Aveline said waving a hand over the sheets that covered her desk. "It seems a Captains job is all about dotting i's and crossing t's instead of out there with her guards. It's frustrating sometimes."

Hawke leaned over to look at the documents. "Seems like useless work to me. You should hire someone to forge your signature so you can patrol again."

Aveline smiled. "Wouldn't that be nice," she said shoving the stacks aside. "Tell me you have something for me to do? I could use a break. Have you anymore news on Danarius? Besides what we already know?"

Hawke cocked her head to the side. "Uhm, I asked you that question yesterday, and you eluded that we probably wouldn't get any more than we had."

Aveline went back to signing papers. "That's probably correct, but I didn't see you yesterday."

Hawke shook her head as if to remove cobwebs forming there. "Yes you did. We had an entire conversation yesterday about our families and Fenris and Zevran."

She didn't look up from her documents as she said, "sorry Hawke, wasn't me. I can't imagine getting all nostalgic with you over family."

Hawke stood up with frustration. "You said that yesterday!"

Aveline looked up at her friend. "Are you feeling alright Hawke? I know we didn't speak yesterday because I was in the Viscounts office all day going over the budget."

Hawke stared in disbelief, mouth open to say something but she didn't know what. Two people today telling her what she did and didn't do yesterday. It was making her head spin. "Maybe I am getting sick. I think I'll go see Anders."

"Sounds like a good idea," Aveline said. "I'll be here if you need me."

Hawke fought the feeling of deja vu as she left the office and made her way towards Darktown.

* * *

"Is this how you convinced her to sleep with you," Fenris asked as he rubbed his ankles after Zevran freed him, "by rescuing her?"

"Why you wish to talk instead of ravish each other is beyond me," Zevran said sighing, moving back to his position on the opposite wall. "But if you wish to get it all out, by all means, let us begin."

"I do not wish to appear ungrateful. If I do, I apologize. For my release, however temporary, and for saving her that night. But when I learned you did more than save her..." Fenris trailed off, anger building within him again.

Zevran sat against the wall, resting his head back studying his cellmate. "You and I are not that different my friend. While it may not make you feel better for what happened, I have my suspicions I was not the elf her mind was with that night."

"You're right," Fenris said low, "that does not make me feel better." He stood up and walked around the enclosed space, working out the circulation in his legs and resorting to his familiar habit of pacing.

Zevran stated the obvious, "you feel I took advantage of her."

Fenris stopped pacing and looked down at him. "Yes," he growled.

Zevran nodded, smiling. "Perhaps. As much as she took advantage of me too it seems. You have to know leaving her the way you did would upset her. I would happily point out you pushed her into my arms, but again I do not wish to die today."

"Then why say it," Fenris spat back as he resumed pacing.

"Because it is what you already feel," Zevran said matter of factly. "You do love to punish yourself my friend, but surely you had your reasons for leaving."

"I did," Fenris said finally sitting back down crossing his legs. "But I wish now I hadn't."

"Ah regret, such a beautiful emotion on such a handsome face." Zevran stood up and began inspecting the cage they were in.

"Hadriana said you were watching my sister, is that true," Fenris asked.

Zevran nodded as he checked the corners of the metal. "Your beautiful goddess asked me to keep an eye on her."

"Did you learn anything that may help us?"

Zevran turned to look at him. "That depends. What can you tell me of those markings?"

* * *

As she rounded the corner to Darktown, Hawke was greeted by a breathless Isabela. "I have been looking everywhere for you," she said catching her breath.

"Isabela? Is everything alright?"

"You move too damn fast," Isabela said laughing as she adjusted what little clothing she had on. "I've been trying to catch up to you since Hightown."

Hawke laughed. "I'm sorry, I'll walk more slowly from now on. What's going on?"

"I'm trying to find Zevran, damned elf isn't anywhere and it's important I talk to him."

Hawke shifted uncomfortably, recalling her talk with Aveline yesterday, or the talk she thought she had yesterday. Her head was starting to hurt. "Why would I know where he is? He's free to come and go as he pleases."

"Yes yes," Isabela said, "but he hasn't been back to the Hanged Man since you saw him yesterday morning."

Hawke took a breath and let it out slowly. "I did _not_ see Zevran yesterday."

"Really Hawke, I don't care if you're still shagging him, but you don't have to lie about it. I went to talk to him myself and heard you in his room all hush hush. He left right after you did and hasn't been back."

"Any minute now," Hawke said, "I am going to scream and people are going to look at me like I'm crazy."

Isabela looked at her with concern. "Are you? Crazy? Cause that would be a juicy tidbit for Varrics tales."

"I am serious Isabela!" Hawke said a little more loudly than she wanted. She avoided the people in the streets staring at her and said more quietly, "I think there's something seriously wrong going on."

Isabela shrugged. "Whatever it is, figure it out. Zevran's in trouble and I have to warn him."

"Warn him about what," Hawke said alarmed.

"Some old friends of his came looking for him at the Hanged Man this morning. The Crows have caught up with him and nearly broke my arm trying to find him." Isabela glared at Hawke. "So dig into that brain of yours and try to remember what you talked about yesterday."

Hawke gritted her teeth. "I. Did. Not. Talk. To. Him."

Isabela sighed. "Well you're no help then. If you see him, tell him. I have to keep looking."

"Isabela, wait," Hawke yelled after her as she ignored her and kept running towards Lowtown.

* * *

Fenris didn't look at Zevran as he explained his lyrium talents to him. He stared at the floor as he recalled what he could of the ritual that branded him, of the months of training and torture as he learned to use them, and how they eventually gave him the strength and power to leave Danarius. Zevran listened intently, fascinated, and then thanked him. "What a handsomely tortured soul you are. It's clear to me now why you have her heart."

"Please stop speaking of her," Fenris said roughly after retelling his tale. "How does knowing any of this help you?"

"Well," Zevran began, "it may help you. Your sister also has those markings."

Fenris shook his head. "I have not seen anything on her."

"Oh I assure you, it's there. She has two lines going from her neck down to below her waist, sadly I couldn't see more of her at the time."

Fenris glared at him, wondering exactly how Zevran discovered this. Not wanting to know, he thought instead on how the markings would effect her. "As you saw, my sister is a mage. I can not imagine what having access to lyrium like that could do for her power."

"If she were, say, a blood mage," Zevran began hesitantly, "that would make her pretty powerful indeed."

Fenris snapped his head towards Zevran at the mention of his sister being a blood mage, but after replaying his capture in his mind, he realized the assassin may have a point. "Does Hawke know?"

Zevran nodded. "I doubt she is aware your sister's a mage, but she knows of the markings."

"Then," Fenris said sullenly, "she has no idea what she's up against."

* * *

Hawke found herself running through Darktown towards Anders clinic. Her head was spinning with confusion, not trusting herself or anyone around her anymore. Was she going crazy? Was she missing time or doing things she wasn't aware she was doing? It frightened her, and she needed Anders more than anyone right now to figure it all out. She tore into the clinic as Anders was working on a young boy who had clearly been severely hurt. Out of breath from her sprint, Hawke stood towards the back wall until Anders had finished what he was doing. After a few minutes the boy was healed, and Anders instructed his assistant to escort the boy and his mother out of the clinic. He looked up at Hawke with alarm. "What is it?"

She moved towards him slowly, trying to steady herself as she sat down with him on the couch. "I think I'm losing my mind," she said finally.

"What's happened," Anders asked again concerned.

"I don't know," she said near tears. "Apparently there's an entire day of my life I don't remember, or remember wrong. I went places I don't remember and I didn't go where I remembered and I have no idea what's going on."

Anders took her hand. "Slow down, you're confusing me."

"I'm confusing myself," she said pulling away from him burying her face in her hands. "Can you tell if something is wrong with me?"

Anders stood over her and placed his hands on her head. She felt his energy flow through her, and for the first time all day she felt somewhat relaxed. She kept her eyes closed and focused on his touch, trying to calm herself and stop her mind from frantically searching for things in the darkness. For several minutes she stayed that way as he concentrated, finally pulling away from her. "I'm sorry Hawke, there's nothing physically wrong with you."

"Ugh," she said frustrated again. "There has to be. Maybe you're just tired and can't see it."

Anders looked hurt at the comment, but brushed it away at her obvious distress. "You have been under a lot of strain lately. Maybe you just need to relax a little," he said as he began to stroke her hair.

She turned to look at him as he continued to comfort her, feeling a bit uneasy at his touch. "Anders," she said softly as a warning, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

"Stop fighting me Kyra," he said as he leaned in to kiss her. She tried to pull away, but he brought her closer to him and kissed her hard on the lips. She struggled against him, finally pushing him hard in the chest.

But he fought back, having wanted this for so long and finally having her here to himself. He got on top of her and held her down, forcing his lips on her once again as he pressed his body against hers. She could feel him between their clothes, his hardness for her, and for a moment she feared he was prepared to try and take full advantage of her. She struggled beneath him as he held both her hands above her head by her wrists and began sucking on her neck in some strange attempt to excite her.

She managed to get her leg up between then, and kicked him away from her. "Anders," she exclaimed jumping off the couch and moving away from him. "What in the Makers name is wrong with you?"

"I don't know Hawke, you tell me," he said clearly upset. "Is it because I'm not an elf? Apparently that's all you go for these days."

She was stunned by the comment and turned her back on him. "I can't believe you," she said softly shaking her head.

But he was up beside her in a second, grabbing her arm and forcing her to face him. "You'll sleep with anyone but me, is that it?"

She slapped him, hard across the face, and ran out of the clinic as fast as she had come in.

* * *

"I have been in far better traps than this," Zevran said continuing his search of the cage. "It's just a matter of finding a weakness and using it."

"Like you did to Hawke," Fenris couldn't hold back.

"Tsk tsk, and I thought we were brothers now, or potential lovers," Zevran said unphased by the comment.

Fenris stood up and tried to help look for some flaw in the cages construction. "So you'll sleep with anyone then," he asked after some time.

"Surely you know how it is to be on the run as an elf and former slave," Zevran stated. "You do what you have to, and then eventually what you want to." He began pulling at the bars with no luck. "I have no doubt under different circumstances you and I would make quite a pair."

Fenris looked at the back of Zevrans head, then turned away before he was caught staring. "If you say so," he said as he too pulled on a few of the bars.

Zevran chuckled, his laugh echoing in the cave. "Do not dare me to try unless you are willing to accept the consequences."

Fenris sighed, frustration at the situation building. "If I had use of my markings we could be out of here by now."

Zevran turned to look at him. "Perhaps we are going about this all wrong. Come," Zevran said gesturing for Fenris to sit down.

He eyed him curiously but sat with him on the floor, both crossing their legs facing each other. "In my experience magic either fades or can be beaten by something stronger," Zevran explained. "Whatever force is keeping you from using your talents, you have to find a way to be stronger than it."

"How exactly do I do that," Fenris asked, considering this new plan.

"What fuels you best when you use them?"

Fenris thought on the question for a moment, then met Zevrans eyes. "Anger," he said growling.

"Excellent," Zevran exlaimed. "I shall begin telling the tale of my night with your beautiful goddess. Just remember, you said you wouldn't kill me. It all began with her soft plump lips on mine..."

* * *

Hawke ran from Darktown to Hightown, almost toppling over people in her way with determination. Her heart was racing, her mind a mess, not knowing what to believe and who to trust. She thought the run would do her good to clear her head, but it seemed the more she thought the faster she ran, unable to remember anything clearly from yesterday. She tried to piece together what she was told and what she knew. She knew she spoke to Aveline, yet her friend denied it. She knew she didn't see Zevran or Fenris, yet two people said she did. She knew there was something wrong with her, yet Anders said she was fine and then insisted on crossing that line that she swore she'd never let him cross. Had she not fled when she did, what would Anders have done to her? She wanted to go to Varric, to Merrill, to Sebastian, to see if any of them had any further insight to her day yesterday, but she didn't out of fear. She was truly afraid she was going crazy, and knew she couldn't take any more.

She entered her estate and closed the door behind it, resting for a moment as she blocked out the sounds of Hightown behind it. Her mabari came running from the living room to greet her, and she knelt down to pet him.

"You are the only thing normal in my life right now," she said to Strife as he wagged his tail and licked her face.

"Good, you're home," a voice came from the living room. "Take him out, will you? He's starting to stink up the house."

Hawke walked slowly towards the living room, barely able to keep putting one foot in front of the other as she looked straight ahead in disbelief. "Mother?"


	17. Revelations

"What do you want," she said, clearly agitated and concerned at the man standing in her doorway.

"I need your help," he said as he barged in past her. "Shut the door, this is serious."

She did as told, a little frightened to be alone with him. It was no secret that he hated her, despised her, had mentioned on several occasions she should die before she becomes a real problem. And now here he was, in her home, alone with her. Her mind raced with erratic thoughts as she walked towards the table where he sat, waiting for her.

"I'm not here to harm you, I said I need your help," he said again more softly, trying to calm the shaking elf. "Please, I don't know where else to turn."

Merrill sat down at the table across from Anders. "Don't you usually run to Hawke when you need something?"

Anders looked at his hands that lay on the table. He too was shaking, from fear of himself, disbelief at what he had done. "I attacked her. I forced myself on her and I don't know why. I'm losing control of myself. Please," he said looking into her large green eyes, "please help me."

Her features softened at his sincerity, and she placed her hands on his. "What do you need me to do."

"I have to believe this wasn't me. And I know it wasn't Justice. Something else made me do this. Tell me, please, tell me what came over me." His desperation was heard in every word, his eyes pleading for some justification for his actions.

"You know I only know one type of magic that could do this," she said quietly. "And you know what I must do to find out."

He turned away from her as she pulled out the dagger from her belt. "Do it," he whispered.

* * *

It took them the rest of the day to reach Kirkwall from the Bone Pit caves. While Zevran was at home playing in the shadows to avoid being seen, Fenris was a bit more conspicuous. Luck was on their side however, when they entered the city night had come early and the darkness aided their goal of going unnoticed. They made their way to Hawke's estate, praying to the Maker that they weren't too late.

Zevran opened the door first, and was nearly knocked back by a foul odor coming from within the home. "Ugh," Zevran said covering his nose. "What is that stench?"

Fenris walked in cautiously behind him, sword drawn. "Death," he said simply as he closed the door behind him.

Zevran shook his head in an attempt to remove the smell from his nose and moved towards the living room. "This," he said quietly, "is not a good sign."

Fenris moved past him and saw the gruesome scene for himself. On the floor of the living room was Bodahn, who appeared to have bled out from a large gash cut from his neck to his groin. His eyes were still open, his last sight apparently something of horror as the expression remained.

To the left of Bodahns body was Hawke's dog Strife, head twisted backwards facing the opposite direction of his body. Blood pooled around it's mouth where two random flies were feasting.

On the stairs ahead of them was Sandal. From what the elves could piece together, it appeared he was running from whatever had killed his "father" as he lay face down across the top three steps. His back appeared to be singed from some spell, clothes infused with flesh and char marks.

Fear and panic rose within Fenris. His markings began to glow, lighting the room in an eerie blue against the small embers of the fire that remained. Zevran held him back and motioned for him to be quiet with a finger to his lips in case someone was still in the house. Fenris' breathing became forced, almost sinister, as he followed the assassin from room to room on the first floor looking for any sign of Hawke.

They cleared the downstairs and made their way upstairs, carefully stepping over Sandals body. Hawke's room remained untouched, as did the guest room and the study. They ended their search in Leandras room, which showed signs of a struggle. "She hadn't touched this room since her mother died," Fenris said sullenly. "I don't want to imagine what happened here."

Zevran walked towards the bed. "Neither do I," he said as he pointed out the blood staining the blankets. "Let us go, she is obviously not here. Where to next?"

Fenris pushed aside his fear and embraced his anger. "To find my sister."

* * *

"I don't understand how this is all possible," Aveline said pacing Varrics room at the Hanged Man. "Explain it again Merrill, how do you know this?"

"Aveline, lay off Daisy for a minute will ya," Varric said in frustration. "Interrogating her isn't going to change the fact that someone tampered with your noggin."

Aveline stood defiant. "I do not appreciate being someone's pawn in some sick game. I also don't appreciate more blood magic being used to figure it out."

Anders tried to calm her down. "If it wasn't for Merrill we wouldn't know any of this. Where's your level head when we need it most?"

Frustration boiled within Aveline, "my 'level head' tells me to take you both to the templars. Don't go there."

Isabela spoke as the odd voice of reason, "perhaps you should all quiet down a bit about it before someone does get the templars. Now Kitten," she said to Merrill, "who else besides Anders and the big girl were effected?"

Merrill shook her head. "It doesn't really work like that really, I can just tell where it was used. The clinic, the barracks, and here are the strongest places so far."

"But we haven't been all over the city," Anders pointed out. "Who knows what else has been going on and who is involved!"

Varric sighed. "What if Hawke is being mind controlled too? When you put the pieces together, Hawke has been in all three places."

Anders shook his head. "No, I don't think she is. She came to me because she thought she was going crazy based on everything happening around her. She said she went places she didn't remember and remembered places she was told she didn't go. It began when she went to see Aveline, and you told her you didn't talk to her the day before."

Aveline nodded. "Go on..."

"And Isabela told her she was here with Zevran when she wasn't."

Isabela agreed, "yes, we know this."

"But what if she wasn't here, and you were controlled to think she was here," Anders deduced.

"Bullshit, I'm not crazy," Isabela argued. "I'd know that sultry voice of hers anywhere."

"Shh Rivaini," Varric said. "Go with it Anders, what do you think?"

He pondered it all for a moment. "What if _she_ is the pawn in the game? Everyone around her is effected, and this in turn makes her think she's going crazy?"

Aveline spoke. "It's a thought, but I don't see us solving anything without her."

Varric agreed. "Makes sense. Why didn't you drag her here?"

Anders looked at Merrill, as if pleading with her not to reveal the entire truth of why they avoided finding Hawke. "We were following the trail of magic," Merrill said. "We went by the estate but no one answered the door so we kept going."

Anders released the breath he was holding, thankful Merrill lied to cover up how he was simply avoiding Hawke after what he had done to her.

"Well this is foolish without her," Aveline said. "I'll drag her here by the hair if I have to. We must figure this out before something else happens."

"You know what they say when you want to find someone," Varric said, "it's better to stay put and wait for her to come to us. If she isn't home, there's no telling where she is, and at this late night with Maker knows what attacking us, we're no safer than right here."

"As the stealthy one of the group, I'll go look for her," Isabela offered. "She's probably with Fenris since he's not here either. Everyone else wait here."

"Be careful Rivaini," Varric said as he watched her go. He then took out a pouch from under his chair. "Diamondback anyone?"

* * *

Anger fueled Fenris as he ran through Hightown from Hawke's estate to his mansion, Zevran following closely behind while watching their backs. Zevran tried to talk to Fenris on the way, ask him what his plan was if they found his sister, but Fenris hadn't said a word. Teeth clenched, sword ready, Fenris kicked open the door.

Varania was seated in the front room. For anyone other than an elf it would've been difficult to see her. The only light in the mansion came from the full moon outside the windows. She barely looked up at him as he walked towards her.

In an instant the room was a glow, Fenris' hand inside her chest. She screamed in agony as Zevran watched from a distance, looking around the room for any sign she wasn't alone.

"That pain you feel is just the beginning _mage_ ," he spat at her as she struggled under him.

"Please," she managed to say as his anger grew. "I'll tell you what you want to know."

He withdrew slowly and glared at her as he leaned down to stare at her. "Where is Hawke," he asked, teeth still clenched.

It took her a few moments to catch her breath from the pain before she said, "he has her, I don't know where."

"You've lied to me for the last time," Fenris said glowing again, ready to rip her heart out. But something held his arm back, and his head snapped to look at Zevran. "What are you doing," he asked the assassin.

Zevran looked from Fenris to Varania. "She is already hurt," he said simply as he released Fenris' arm.

Fenris followed Zevrans eyes to the pool of blood beneath the chair she was sitting in. Zevran didn't notice any blood on the front of her clothing, so he moved behind her. She was leaning slightly forward, and Zevran was able to see the back of her shirt was soaked with blood. Fenris watched as Zevran lifted the shirt and examined her back. "Her markings," Zevran said in disbelief, "they are gone."

Fenris tried to process what Zevran was saying as Zevran spoke to Varania. "What happened to you?"

"It was," she paused, "my punishment, for your escape. Danarius removed them at Hawke's estate after he sacrificed the dwarves. " She winced in pain as she tried to reach out to Fenris. "I'm sorry Leto," she began.

But he jerked away from her. "Don't touch me. You got what you deserved."

Varania looked at Fenris. "Please, don't do this," she said to him. When he turned away, she looked towards Zevran. "Please, tell him to stop."

Zevran stepped away from her. "I'm afraid it is not my decision to make. And being that you tricked me and kidnapped me, I'm not so sure I am feeling very helpful at the moment."

"I'll do whatever you want, I'll help you find her. Please, I don't want to die." She began to cry, fear and desperation mixed with the pain she was enduring.

Zevran walked towards Fenris who had turned his back on her. "Well my friend? What do you wish to do? Kill her? Torture her? Or trust her?"

Before Fenris could answer, movement by the front door caught their attention. Zevran moved to the shadows in a flash, jumping behind the target and with one quick maneuver held a knife to their throat.

" _There_ you are," Isabela exclaimed without moving. "The scent of leather will give you away every time."

Zevran laughed behind her as he removed the blade from her neck and put it away. "Ah Isabela, you always know how to make an entrance." He stepped in front of her and led her into the main room where Fenris and Varania were.

"Uhm, your friend here doesn't look so good," she said eying Varania. Isabela looked around the room. "Where's Hawke? I came here to find her, there's some crazy shit is going down."

"Meet the cause," Fenris said growling. "Danarius has Hawke, and she's going to tell us where."

"Not in that condition she isn't," Isabela stated watching Varania pass out. "Come on, everyone's at the Hanged Man. Let Anders take a look at her and we'll go from there."

* * *

"Your sister's a mage? You bloody hypocrite!"

The fight had begun between Fenris and Anders as soon as they filled the group in on what had happened. Knowing now that Varania was using her lyrium markings to shift into Hawke, they were able to piece together the mystery surrounding Hawke's earlier behavior. Anders had tended to Varania, who was still unconscious but alive. Aveline had used some of her new templar skills to drain Varania of any remaining magic, and as she did so, the arguing brought her back into the main room.

"Yes, she's a mage. One more bit of proof that I've been right all along. Mages will always turn to blood magic when desperate enough."

" _Maker_ ," Ander exclaimed, "are you ever going to stop harping on the mages?"

"No," Fenris stated flatly.

"We aren't all what you've seen in Tevinter. Mages are much like slaves, you should want to help them!"

"Help you? Or her," he pointed at Merrill, "or my sister? What has magic touched that it doesn't spoil?"

"How about Hawke," Anders asked. "Magic healed her, saved her from dying, or have you forgotten that already?"

Fenris moved closer to Anders furiously, "blood magic put her in that position to begin with!"

Varric whispered to Zevran, "you think we should intervene here anytime soon?"

Zevran shook his head. "Not me my friend, I prefer my pretty face intact."

Anders continued to push on. "I can't _imagine_ what Hawke sees in you."

"Do not speak of her _mage_ ," Fenris snarled.

"Why not? You refuse to accept that magic has helped her, then why don't we put the blame where it belongs? If it wasn't for _you_ , none of this would've happened at all! Danarius is here because of _you_. Varania is here because of _you_. Hawke is now missing because of _you_!"

Before anyone could blink, Fenris charged Anders. He immediately brought a shield up to protect himself, and Aveline now got behind Fenris and held him back. "Will you two stop this already?" Fenris pulled away from Aveline as Anders backed away. "None of this is helping Hawke. Now if you two can't play nice, you'll both have to leave."

Fenris moved towards the back wall, still glaring at Anders as he sat down cautiously. Aveline held her position between the both of them.

"You two should fight more often, it's kind of hot," Isabela said eying Fenris.

"Shut up _whore_ ," Aveline said as she grabbed Isabela's arm and forced her into a chair. "I don't know what's come over all of you but enough already. None of this is helping." She looked to Fenris who remained quiet, then towards Anders and Isabela who both looked away. "Good, now Merrill, please go wake up Varania and bring her here. Do whatever you have to do."

Merrill stood up slowly, inching her way past Fenris to Varrics bedroom. A few minutes later she emerged with Varania, who glanced at Fenris quickly before moving towards the group.

"Please Varania, sit down. _No one_ ," Aveline said looking at Fenris, "is going to harm you."

Varania kept her head down as she sat, unable to look anyone in the eye. "I will tell you everything I know."

"Good," Aveline began. "Let's start with how Danarius got to Hawke. She's smart enough to know when something is wrong. How did he get to her?"

Varania explained while continuing to stare at the table. "After we got Let..Fenris and Zevran out of the way, the plan was to break Hawke down mentally. That was the reason for the mind control and the shape shifting. Danarius couldn't control her for some reason, so he went after those around her to confuse her."

Anders spoke up, "she came to me and asked me for some herbs to prevent mind control. She had a feeling someone may try something. That's probably why he couldn't use it on her."

"It worked," Varania confirmed. "By the end of the day she was so confused by all of you that she was an easy target when she returned home."

"What happened when she went home," Aveline asked.

Varania turned her head away from them ashamed, "I shifted into her mother."

"You did _what_ ," Fenris said coming towards her as Aveline stood and stopped him.

"It was his idea," Varania said quietly. "Only long enough to catch her completely off guard. While she was busy staring at me, as her mother, in disbelief, he was able to cast a spell that rendered her defenseless."

"That's just _wrong_ ," Isabela said in disgust. "If your brother doesn't rip your heart out, _I_ will."

"Shut it," Aveline warned. "What does he want with Hawke anyway," Aveline continued questioning. "He had Fenris, why go after her?"

"Danarius didn't come here for Fenris. I was supposed to bring Fenris back to Tevinter. Danarius only came to Kirkwall because of Hawke."

"What?" Aveline looked confused. "Why?"

"Because her blood is the key."

"Key," Isabela said curiously. "The key to what?"

Varania sighed. "A prison, which holds an ancient Tevinter magister called Corypheus in the Vinmark Mountains. Danarius plans on releasing him and then absorbing his power."

Anders shuddered, "which would make him the strongest mage in history."

"How much blood is this going to require," Zevran asked.

Varania looked up at him. "All of it."

* * *

The group was startled a few moments later as the door slammed; Fenris leaving after hearing the news. Varric stood up to go after him, but Zevran put a hand on his shoulder. "I'll go," he said as he left the room.

He followed Fenris out of the Hanged Man and down a dark alleyway. Fenris was aware of his shadow as he moved through the streets. "Go away," he said warning the assassin.

"Let me guess, you plan on running to the mountains on your own?"

"Yes," Fenris said simply. "Now _go away_."

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Zevran said speeding up to walk along side him. "If you are going to run off and get yourself killed, I owe it to her to at least be by your side."

"This is _my_ fight," Fenris stated. "Anders is right, this is _my_ fault and I must fix this."

Zevran dared to put a hand on him, forcing him to stop for a moment. "Has anyone told you that you can be quite stubborn?"

Fenris thought for a moment. "Yes."

"Good, then it'll come to no surprise to you when I say it again. Foolishly running after your former master in the middle of the night alone is not your greatest idea since I've known you. But I agree with you that we shouldn't wait too long or travel in a large group." Zevran slowly released his grasp on Fenris. "You should rest first, we are both still exhausted from our prison break. We are no good to her if we die on the way there from some wild boar attack because we were too tired to move."

Fenris sighed, knowing that Zevran spoke the truth but didn't want to admit it. "Let us go back and see what plan they come up with. If we don't like what we hear, we'll go without them. After some sleep."

Fenris nodded and followed Zevran back to the Hanged Man, understanding a little more why Hawke would fall for his charms.

* * *

_Authors Note: No animals or dwarves were harmed in the making of this chapter._


	18. Vinmark

When they returned to the Hanged Man, Fenris and Zevran discovered that no one had come up with a concrete plan yet. Fenris grew frustrated at the lack of leadership in the room. _No wonder Hawke always has to make the decisions_ , Fenris thought. Zevran continued to stare at Fenris, as if to encourage him to speak up. He too was showing signs of frustration as he could barely keep still. After nearly a half hour with still no plan made, Fenris finally stood up.

"We are leaving at daybreak," Fenris announced. "Anders, Isabela, I wish you to accompany Zevran and I to the mountains in the morning. The rest of you will wait until midday to follow, in case we are unsuccessful."

"Are you sure that's wise," Aveline countered, "separating the group?"

"Yes," Fenris said strongly. "Find Sebastian and take him as well. All of us going at once is foolish."

Isabela licked her lips. "I love it when you get all authoritative."

Fenris glowered at her but said nothing.

"An excellent plan my friend," Zevran said backing up Fenris.

"We will meet here," Fenris said preparing to leave.

"Uh broody," Varric interrupted. "What about your sister?"

Fenris looked at Varania, who had remained silent. She didn't look up to meet his gaze. After a long silence of several breaths held, Fenris finally said, "Get out."

She looked at him in surprise, opening her mouth to say something but thought better of it. She ran out of the Hanged Man.

They all exchanged glances with each other, afraid to speak, but they also realized it was Fenris' decision to make. "Tomorrow, we bring her home," Fenris said as he walked out.

* * *

She ran as fast as she could. She didn't know where she was running to, but she knew she had to get as far away as possible. The lingering pain she felt down her back as she ran slowed her some, and she tested her magic to see if she could heal herself, but it was still lost. Towards the docks she ran hoping to hide away on the next ship out of Kirkwall, wherever it was going. She stopped on the stairs for a moment to catch her breath, when the soft fall of footsteps behind her made her stiffen. She couldn't move, fear taking over her entire body, so she looked out into the water as the blade came up to her throat. "This is for Hawke," a voice said in her ear as the knife cut clean across. Varania continued to look at the water as her life faded away to darkness.

* * *

They traveled to the mountains in relative silence. Trees gave way to dirt and sand, and eventually the site of the city was lost behind them. A disturbing quiet surrounded them. No birds, no bugs, nothing but silence. As they came around the bend of a tall mountain, they saw it.

"Will you look at that," Zevran said in awe.

"Some kind of fortress," Fenris questioned his eyes, "out here?"

"Varric said there should be no 'here'," Isabela stated. "No one has heard of this place, and yet that structure is clearly dwarfish."

"And it appears we're not alone," Anders said spotting something up ahead.

As they moved closer, they discovered corpses of darkspawn. "What brings them to the surface I wonder," Anders said kicking one to make sure it was dead.

"My guess is they were running from something," Zevran said as the trail of bodies continued to a deep chasm.

They followed stairs and trails that led further and further below the mountains. A piece of paper blowing in the wind caught Isabela's attention. She picked it up, and after skimming it, said "now this is interesting."

Fenris looked briefly over her shoulder, unable to make out the words, but the handwriting was clear. "That's Danarius' writing."

"What does it say," Anders asked.

Isabela began to read:

_You will find Malcolm Hawke's heir in Hightown by the grand stairs to the Keep. The home should be well defended, but do not spill Hawke's blood. Use the poison if capture proves difficult. If you have to kill anyone else, do it quietly._

_And don't go near the young dwarf. He sees things._

_In the name of the Master Corypheus, may he see sunlight again._

"Sounds like he worships him instead of wanting to kill him," Anders said as she finished.

"There's more on the back," Isabela said as she continued:

_The Wardens did not guard the key with care. It was left in a repository, with objects of little worth. Trinkets. Dusty Grey Warden trophies. Not even a guard posted. Fools. If only they knew what they had, and had lost._

_It will not wake at my touch; it sleeps and it's power remains within. The Great One says it requires Malcolm Hawke's blood to awaken it. Only then can it's powers set him free._

_I will find the heir to the blood and the Great One will reward me. Yes. Let it be soon._

"Varric was right," Isabela said as she folded the piece of paper and put it in her pocket. "The Deep Roads do drive you batty."

"I really need to stay out of the Deep Roads," Anders sighed as they continued on towards the large door in the rock.

* * *

They headed down the stairs and easily confirmed someone else was ahead of them. More bodies of darkspawn lay before them, Genlocks and Hurlocks singed from magic. Lit torches illuminated the dusty caverns in several directions. The further they went in, the more uneasy the group were.

"When I left the Wardens, I swore I'd never spend another minute in the Deep Roads," Anders stated. "Now here I am again, surrounded by darkspawn, for the second time since."

" _Left_ sounds like a mutual arraignment," Fenris pointed out.

"Fine, I ran away," Anders agreed. "What's it to you?"

"Ran away from the Circle, ran away from the Wardens, it sounds like a habit."

Anders countered back. "Running away from your family straight to Danarius. Running away from Danarius, straight to Hawke. Maybe we're more alike than you think."

"I've always said so," Isabela pointed out.

"If you two fight together as well as you bicker together, the darkspawn are no match for us," Zevran said light-heartedly. "So Warden, do you sense anything in here?"

Anders shook his head. "Further in there is something, it's faint but it's there gnawing at the back of my mind."

Zevran looked at Fenris with concern but said nothing as they continued on.

"Oh look, more notes!" Isabela exclaimed running towards another piece of paper in the dirt.

"Following a trail of breadcrumbs," Zevran said wondering out loud.

"It appears so," Fenris agreed.

"Ahem," Isabela cleared her throat annoyed the elves were trying to ruin her fun:

_All we hear is that this is one of the great Grey Warden secrets. "It must be protected at all costs." As usual, they are most concerned with deceiving their own people. But why hide that the Deep Roads were shaped by not only dwarves but Wardens?_

_Early Wardens discovered that some darkspawn could think and speak and command portions of the horde even after the Archdemons death. A few could wield magic with the skill of a Tevinter magister, and the Wardens feared them._

_It was here, in the Vinmark Mountains, that Warden Sashamiri set her trap to capture and study the greatest of these creatures, the one they called Corypheus._

Fenris spoke. "This is a strange business. I do not like it."

They continued on, passing several rooms that appeared to have been cells at one time, now empty, except for fresh corpses of Desire demons and Profanes. They came upon a large room with four pillars in the center of a circle. Further inspection revealed the center of the circle held fresh blood.

Fenris knelt down in the circle and looked at the blood. Fearing the worst, he allowed a moment of sadness to wash over him, until they heard the scream from beneath as the walls around them shook.

"Did you hear that," Fenris said jumping up.

"I heard it," Isabela said looking around, suddenly feeling afraid.

"That was Hawke," Fenris yelled as he began running towards the door to the second level.

Zevran ran up to him and stopped him. "Slow down my friend, it will not help us running headstrong into battle."

Anders stood behind them, now holding his head. "I'm not listening, I'm not listening" he repeated over and over.

Isabela looked at him with concern. "Easy, hold it together, deep breaths."

Zevran looked at Anders and then back to Fenris. "After you my friend."

* * *

Fenris sighed as they moved quickly down a long flight of stairs. "How deep does this hole go," he asked himself. The others followed quickly behind, trying to remain as quiet as possible while maintaining speed. More torches on this level, more corpses of Emissarys and Genlocks. Several entrances on this level were blocked by cave ins, and the group picked up the pace following the bodies. For a moment they were almost running, until Zevran stopped them. "Wait, look at this," he said kneeling down to inspect one of the Genlocks.

"It's a darkspawn, let us move on," Fenris said, frustrated that they had stopped.

"I know my friend, but look at how he died."

Fenris and Isabela inspected the body more closely. "Are those...sword cuts?" Isabela asked.

"Precisely," Zevran stated smiling.

"I thought Danarius was a mage," Isabela asked clearly not understanding.

"It means, my precious pirate wench, that we are not alone down here. Someone else is killing darkspawn."

"Or Danarius has help. I fail to see the point in this," Fenris said now agitated.

"Wait," Isabela said lifting the corpse. "More notes!"

_It would be wasteful to kill such a creature. If it can be captured, tamed somehow, it's unnatural influence over the darkspawn could perhaps be turned to my favor. It is clear the darkspawn will never bow to human commands, but this Corypheus seems at times more human than beast. I have conversed with it, and though it's thoughts are distorted and inhuman, it speaks of the Old Gods by their Tevinter names. I have wondered if perhaps he is no darkspawn at all, but a ghoul, so corrupted by the taint as to have become a new creature entirely. It uses spells both human and tainted._

"No, get out of my head," Anders said quietly, shaking his head and holding his ears as if to prevent further intrusion.

"He'll kill us all if he allows this insanity to take him," Fenris growled.

Isabela sighed. "Next time you ask if I want to help with something, I'm going to say _no_."

Fenris looked at Zevran curiously. "Did you hear that?"

Anders observed Fenris. "Can the rest of you hear him? I thought it was just me."

"I...don't know what I heard," Fenris said awkwardly. "Another large room ahead."

They quickly approached the circular room, designed the same as the last. Four large pillars within a circle, and more blood in the center of it. "That's a lot of blood," Fenris commented.

"Come," Zevran pointed ahead of them. "Another door ahead."

* * *

The third level down held more corpses, this time of deep stalkers and spiders. A campfire was still going at the bottom of the stairs, and Zevran inspected the remains for clues. "Two sets of tracks around here. And there is something oddly familiar about this fire."

"It's a fire," Fenris said annoyed. "What does it matter?"

"Not the fire itself, the way it's made. I've seen it before."

"Looks like your standard campfire to me," Isabela said warming her hands. "Well made though." As she got closer to the fire, she noticed a piece of paper burning in the center. She took her dagger and stuck it in the fire, catching the paper on the blade. Zevran laughed behind her as the fire collapsed around her. "What, I make my own fun," she said as she stood up and read the new note:

_The records say Corypheus has been trapped below the Vinmark since the days of the Tevinter Imperium. Can it be coincidence that the darkspawn besiege this area more fiercely than anywhere else on the surface of Thedas? Or that Kirkwall, the closest city, suffers from endless plagues of violence, lunacy, human sacrifice, and blood magic?_

_If one studies Kirkwall's public records, it becomes hard to deny that some malevolent force has long shaped it's history. Could a darkspawn, even a powerful mage, have such influence even as it slumbers?_

"That one is not Danarius' hand," Fenris pointed out.

"I thought not," Isabela said, "it's more girly."

Zevran took the singed note from Isabela and studied it. "This writing, this fire, all so familiar."

His thoughts were interrupted by Anders who was looking off into the distance. "Something is close."

"Something," Zevran questioned, "like darkspawn something?"

Anders thought for a moment, "if I could only make him stop talking...I could...oh _Maker_ make him stop talking!"

"The abomination is hearing voices, how unexpected," Fenris said rolling his eyes. "Hear who," he asked.

"Corypheus. I can hear Corypheus." Anders knelt down holding his head. "Wardens...the Joining...I have too much taint in my blood. I can't shut him out."

"Anders?" Isabela studied her companion. "Shit, it's this place, it's making him mad. Are we supposed to slap him or something?"

"Help me," Anders said now kneeling on the ground. "I will... _not...be...controlled!_ "

In an instant Anders was gone, Justice taking over, and immediately two Shades were summoned to attack. Fenris swung at the Shade on the left as Isabela danced with the one on the right. Zevran flashed behind Justice trying to gain an advantage to take him down, but Justice was quick. He swung backwards, tossing Zevran against the wall as he ran towards Fenris.

"Look out," Isabela screamed towards Fenris as she continued to battle her Shade. Fenris sidestepped out of the way as Justice took a swing at him with Anders' staff. Zevran rejoined the battle, cutting down the Shade Fenris was engaged with and he once again tried to get behind Justice. Fenris tried to keep Justice distracted as Zevran made a move, slicing Justice in the side with one of his daggers. He yelled out in pain but continued to pursue Fenris, swinging wildly out of frustration and desperation.

Isabela finished killing her Shade, and joined the elves as they formed a circle around Justice. He spun around in an attempt to see who was the easier target. They circled him, moving in closer, and Justice released one of Anders spells that knocked them all backwards. " _Shit_ ," Isabela exclaimed as she landed hard on her ass. " _That's_ gonna hurt."

Zevran was up within seconds, both daggers out as he faced off with Justice. Fenris soon joined them, and again all three were surrounding him. Justice released a growl, preparing his next move.

" _Justice!_ "

A shout from down the corridor startled all four of them. A woman walked towards them, holding her staff in front of her, and she released a spell that froze Justice in place. She continued to walk right up to Justice, laying a hand on his face while he was unable to move. "Justice, you mustn't do this," she said softly. "It wasn't fair to Kristoff, and it's certainly not right with Anders. He is your friend."

He looked at the woman before him, realization sinking in from memory and Anders. He didn't speak a word as she put her staff behind her and took his hand in hers. "Release him," she said sternly.

He bowed his head to her, and with a bright flash Justice was gone, relinquishing control back to Anders. The woman took Anders other hand as he knelt to the ground, and mere seconds later looked up at her. "Elaine?"

"Welcome back Anders," she said as he looked up at her, tears in his eyes.

Zevran and Isabela both smiled at the woman, and Fenris looked at them all with confusion. "Fenris," Zevran said bowing to the woman, "allow me to introduce to you the Hero of Ferelden."


	19. Past To Present

"What are you doing here," Anders said after he recovered from the shock of seeing Elaine.

"I could ask you the same question, but I imagine I already know the answer," she said as she studied the group in front of her. "How odd we all continue to meet under the strangest circumstances." She bowed to Zevran, and ran a soft hand along Isabela's cheek. "My old friends, how I have missed you." Elaine extended a hand to Fenris. "My name is Elaine," she said introducing herself, "ignore the pompous title. It means little in places such as this."

Fenris accepted her handshake, feeling the atmosphere change among his group at the mere presence of this woman. "You are not alone here I imagine?"

"Oh no," she said smiling to him as she turned around. "Follow me. I'm certain I have a few things you've been looking for."

They walked down the corridor that she had come from, past yet another seal, only this one was free from any blood. Down another hall they went with a row of cells, still holding various demons and darkspawn in some sort of suspended state. "They don't talk much," Elaine said as they went past them. "Unless of course you release them, then they say a lot of grrs and args."

"My dear Warden," Zevran said as they continued on, "your sense of humor is still as sexy as I remember."

Fenris sighed. "Do you flirt with everyone?"

Elaine laughed, her sweet voice echoing in the deep halls. "I see your reputation is also in tact."

They came to the last cell and Fenris froze. Behind the barrier was Danarius.

"I suppose no introductions are needed," Elaine said as she watched Fenris' expression.

Fenris walked up to the barrier and Danarius stood. They spent several seconds staring at each other.

"Danarius I presume," Isabela asked.

"Yes," Fenris said, not taking his eyes off his former master. Danarius said nothing, smiling wickedly at Fenris and then returning to the back corner of his cell and sat down again.

"We'll get back to him," Elaine said as she continued around the corner.

The party followed as the walls were a glow with firelight from a campfire. At the end of the hall was a man, his back turned to the group and having a conversation with someone in front of him.

"Ahem," Elaine said interrupting them. "Your friends have arrived."

The man turned to face the party, and stepped aside to reveal who he had been speaking to.

"Hawke," Fenris said walking towards her.

She smiled at him and moved towards him as well, and in a surprising move to their friends, Fenris hugged her.

"Ooh, careful" she said softly laughing as Fenris almost crushed her.

He released her and studied her. "Are you hurt? We heard you scream..."

"I'm alright," she said quickly. "Though I'm glad you have Anders with you, I could use a bit of healing."

Zevran now stepped forward and spoke to the man that was standing there. "Why am I not surprised to see you with her," he said extending his hand.

"I like to live dangerously," he chuckled as he shook Zevrans hand.

"Alistair!" Isabela exclaimed as she ran to him and jumped in his arms.

He grabbed her and steadied himself before falling over. "Isabela," he struggled to speak under her grip, "have you gained weight?"

She hit him hard in the chest after jumping off him, and gave Hawke a hug as well. "Good to see you alive Hawke," she said. "But a little annoyed too that I got all dirty to save someone who was already saved."

Hawke gestured for the group to sit. "It seems there's some catching up to do," she said as she sat down.

The others followed her lead, sitting around the fire. Fenris chose to sit facing the hallway, as if Danarius was going to come get him and he had to be ready. Hawke knew what he was thinking, and addressed that issue first. "He can't get out Fenris," she said assuring him. "Only my blood will release him."

"Varania mentioned your blood was needed for many things in this place," Fenris stated.

"Varania?" Hawke looked confused. "What does Varania have to do with this?"

"Oh that _bitch_ has been all sorts of bad," Isabela said. "You remember when you said you were going crazy?" Hawke nodded. "Yeah well that was her, making all of us crazy so you'd think you were crazy."

Hawke still looked confused, but Zevran cut Isabela off. "A long but short story for another time."

"Yes," Fenris agreed. "Continue Hawke."

Hawke sighed. "Remember when I told you my father is the one who taught Bethany the dangers of blood magic?"

"Yes, I remember," Fenris answered, wondering where this was leading to.

"My father had extensive knowledge on blood mages because," she looked away from him, "well, because he was a blood mage." Anders couldn't help himself as his expression flashed with disgust. Hawke felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment but she continued. "It appears the deals he made so long ago were beneficial however, because it was the only way we were able to beat Danarius and keep Corypheus locked up."

Isabela then asked, "but why was your blood needed to open the prison?"

"Because of my father," Hawke said as if it were obvious. "His blood sealed the prison, and the only way to reverse the spell was with the blood of a Hawke. I doubt he realized the danger he had put his children in since the Wardens were supposed to have sealed this place for eternity."

"Sure, blame the Wardens, "Alistair said rolling his eyes.

Hawke laughed. "I'm sorry Alistair, but at least you and Elaine can set it right now."

"Yup," he said cheerfully. "That's what we're here for. Securing random prisons around Thedas that the old Wardens forgot about."

"But what is this place," Anders asked.

"It is an ancient Grey Warden prison," Alistair explained. "We received word that the darkspawn had returned here, so we were sent to investigate. From all the history books we could get our hands on, the prison defenses should've been enough to keep them out. They were wrong."

"At least the seals kept Corypheus locked up," Elaine continued, "but we had no idea he could still call to the darkspawn until we got here, and were able to hear his voice ourselves."

"Anders heard it too," Zevran confirmed. "A Warden thing?"

"Unfortunate side effect," Alistair stated without going into detail.

"We were already here when Danarius brought Hawke down," Elaine explained. "We could feel the seals breaking, so we set up a trap before the final seal to catch him."

"And he fell for it," Fenris questioned, finding it difficult to believe only the three of them had been able to take Danarius alive.

"We managed to get Hawke away from him," Alistair explained, "and that was enough to make him stop. He couldn't risk killing her before the final seal. What he didn't know was who he was facing. Another mage and a Templar can make things a bit difficult."

"My my Alistair, you've grown cocky," Isabela said gushing over him.

He blushed and then pouted pretending to look hurt. "I did help with the Archdemon you know, I know _some_ things."

Anders interrupted the conversation. "Kyra, let me tend to your wounds."

Hawke looked at Anders and then nodded, standing up. "We can go over here for some room," she gestured to a small room not far behind them. "Excuse us," she said to the group as they left.

Once Anders and Hawke were out of earshot, Elaine asked quietly. "How is he?"

Isabela spoke, "who, Anders?"

"Yes," Elaine said nodding.

"He's okay. A bit moody, thinks he can save all the mages of the world, actually a bit annoying now that I think about it," Isabela looked at her old friend. "Why?"

Elaine shrugged. "Just curious."

* * *

Hawke dusted off the cot that was in the room and sat down, feeling a bit awkward being alone with Anders since their last encounter. He remained silent as he worked on the gashes on her wrists from where Danarius had cut her. She tried to study his face, figure out what he was thinking, but all she could see was sadness. "Are you alright," she finally asked him.

"How could you care," he asked, "after what I did to you?"

She asked, "did you mean to hurt me?"

"No," came his quick reply. "It was Varania, she had mind controlled me. I never would've..."

Hawke cut him off. "Then why shouldn't I care? Anders I knew it wasn't you. I knew something had to be wrong. But you, right now, this isn't about that is it."

He shook his head and sat down next to her. "Even without Varania's influence, I feel I am losing control. And seeing Elaine again..."

It clicked in Hawke's mind immediately. "She was the one? The one you told me about?"

He nodded. "In the Circle before my final escape. And again in Amaranthine. She was there when Justice and I...she's the only one that can control him."

"And she still has your heart," Hawke said quietly.

"Yes," he said as if admitting it to himself for the first time. "But I can not live the life of a Warden. Or keep putting her in danger with Justice. It's why I fled to Kirkwall after Amaranthine fell."

Hawke sighed, feeling the heaviness of his heart. "You know, as far as relationship advice, well don't listen to me," she said softly laughing at her own situation, "but perhaps you should ask yourself why she continues to show up in your life."

Anders turned to look at her. "Kyra, I didn't pursue a relationship with you when I met you because of the pain I know I would've caused you. It's the same with her. I've always run from her."

"And yet here she is again," Hawke stated. "You can't deny this as some coincidence. You said yourself she's the only one that can control Justice. Maybe that too should tell you something."

"No," Anders said standing up. "You don't understand. I almost killed her last time. I can not do it again."

* * *

When Hawke and Anders left the group, Fenris took off as well to go watch Danarius. Elaine and Alistair looked to Isabela and Zevran as he rounded the corner. "They have some history huh," Elaine questioned.

Isabela nodded. "Danarius gave him those tattoos. Wiped his memory when he did it and then kept him as a pet slave."

Alistair shuttered. "Brutal."

Zevran agreed. "I think our elven friend is going to need some closure, of the bloody kind."

Elaine smiled. "Ah, revenge, we all know it well." She stirred the fire a bit with a stick. "So how in the Makers name did you two end up here?"

"We didn't come together if that's what you're thinking," Isabela said. "He chased me."

Zevran laughed. "Ha my pirate wench, you wish it to be true. Why she is here I still don't know. I came because she begged me to come."

"Oh alright," Isabela admitted, "I was lonely and nostalgic. But hey, here we all are again, just like old times?"

Alistair shifted uncomfortably and Elaine laughed at him. "Come on Alistair, let's see...what did we all do the last time we were together?"

Zevran displayed a devilish grin as Isabela and Elaine laughed. "I am not getting involved with any of you again, the death of me you all are!"

Elaine playfully hit him on the arm. "Oh come on Alistair, we're only kidding. Well, except Zevran, he's never kidding."

"Neither am I," Isabela said giving her best sultry smile to Alistair.

Alistair shook his head. "That was a long time ago, and I thought we'd all be dead by now, or at least the two of us" he said pointing at Elaine.

"Yes, now that we're all still alive and kicking, Alistair has returned to a life of being a good boy," Elaine informed their old friends. "He's got some sweet girl he met in Redcliffe now."

"Her name is Bella," Alistair said defensively.

Zevran's eyes widened. "The tavern wench?"

"She's not a wench," Alistair protested. "I got her a job with Bann Teagan and now she works in the castle."

"And you my dear Warden," Zevran asked Elaine, "still dangerously single?"

Elaine allowed her eyes to look up as Anders and Hawke returned to them. "Yes," she said loud enough for Anders to hear, "I'm still not over the last man I loved."

* * *

Hawke left Anders with the others and met up with Fenris. He was leaning against the wall staring at Danarius in his cell. Neither one of them said a word, and the look that passed between them was haunting. She placed her hand on Fenris' shoulder, "are you alright?"

He said nothing for a while, still glaring at his former master. "I have waited for this moment for a long time," he finally said. "To be able to look at him without fear."

"Are you ready for this Fenris," she asked quietly, looking at him to make sure he was.

"Ready?" he looked confused.

"To finally be free of him," Hawke stated. "I asked the Wardens not to kill him so you could do this, get the closure you need to move on with your life."

"I don't understand..." Fenris questioned.

"You've spent years filled with rage and hatred. Now's your chance Fenris, to release all of that towards the man that deserves it." Hawke walked towards the cell and Danarius looked up at her. She removed one of her daggers and cut her hand, then placed it on the seal in the middle of the barrier.

The barrier disappeared before them and Hawke stepped back. "He's all yours Fenris," she said still locking eyes with Danarius. "Kill him."


	20. Forgiveness

Elaine and Anders immediately noticed the change in the atmosphere. Elaine stood up first. "She's released the barrier," she said as she went running down the hall, the rest of the group following.

Hawke stood in front of the cell, hand still dripping with blood, as Fenris made his way inside. He didn't seem to notice anyone approach as he moved closer to Danarius.

Elaine grabbed Hawkes arm and pulled her away. "Let's go," Elaine said, but Hawke resisted, standing her ground. "Anders, help me,." Elaine called out and he moved right by her side, grabbing Hawkes other arm.

She struggled from the pull of both of them. "What are you doing," she asked as they dragged her away from the cell.

Elaine stopped and looked at Hawke, demanding her attention. "You don't need to watch this," she said quietly.

Hawke continued to struggle but Elaine held her in place. "I need to be with Fenris. He needs me."

"Hawke, _listen_ to me," Elaine said seriously. "Fenris doesn't even know you exist right now. He is about to unleash all his hate and anger onto that man. Trust me, it's a site you do not want to see. You will never get those images out of your head."

Hawke processed what she said, realizing some truth to it. She seemed torn, looking towards Fenris to Elaine.

Elaine continued. "If you love him and want a future with him, walk away now. Be there for him when it's over." Anders watched the exchange, pangs of guilt stinging his heart and his eyes. He knew Elaine spoke from personal experience. "Anders," Elaine said breaking him from thought, "please get her outside. I'll stay and keep an eye on them."

But Hawke still protested. "Get your hands off me," she yelled. The tone of her voice was enough to break Fenris from whatever angered trance he had been in. He turned and looked at Zevran. " _Take her from here_ ," he said with gritted teeth. Zevran nodded to his new friend and grabbed Hawke by the waist, lifting her over his shoulder and carried her out of the hall. Anders and Isabela followed, leaving Elaine and Alistair to watch over Fenris.

Alistair stood behind Elaine as she returned to the cell entrance. He placed his hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to stay either you know. I can watch over them."

Elaine shook her head as they gave Fenris the space he needed, but remained close in case Danarius tried anything.

* * *

The rest of the world seemed to melt away as Fenris began to circle his former master. Danarius sat in the center of his cell, hands still bound behind his back from his capture earlier, and legs crossed in front of him. Fenris felt the anger building within him, imagines of his past flooding his mind. Memories of what was done to him, gaps that Varania had filled in, all the pain and discomfort and abuse he had endured for years. Every emotion he had felt during that time rose to the surface, but Fenris was determined not to let his master get the best of him yet again. He walked around him slowly, controlled, letting the anticipation build within Danarius.

"How does it feel, _Master_ , to know you are about to die," Fenris finally spoke after several minutes of silence.

Danarius looked up at him from where he was sitting. "I always knew it would come to this. I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner."

"It should've," Fenris snarled. "The day you gave me these markings," Fenris said holding out his arms to Danarius. "Or the day you raped my mother and sister as I watched," he continued as he kept walking around him. "Perhaps the day you allowed Hadriana to touch me," he said flinching at the words, "or the day I allowed you to touch me." Fenris kept his pain in check, only allowing anger to surface. "You tormented me and those I love. It is time for you to die."

Danarius continued to watch Fenris. "Then it ends here does it? Your freedom at last?"

"It ends for you, yes," Fenris said as he lunged forward, grabbing Danarius by the throat and throwing him to the ground on his back. Fenris sat on top of him and took a knife from his belt. He held the blade to Danarius' neck and began cutting at Danarius' throat. "When you gave me these markings, you began here. Do you remember?"

Danarius tried to nod even though Fenris was still slicing distinct lines into his flesh that matched his own. One line down the middle, three to the left and right that crossed the middle, and two more on the outside of the throat. Danarius managed to scream in pain as Fenris cut just deep enough to make his master bleed, but not deep enough to kill him.

"You continued down my chest," Fenris said as he cut Danarius robe open and sliced his skin from his neck to his stomach. Danarius cried out again. "I cried out in pain as well, begged you to stop, and you continued, didn't you."

"Yes," Danarius managed to say.

As Fenris reached Danarius underclothes, he grabbed him between the legs. "You grabbed me, like this, told me how _pleased_ you were with the size," Fenris said recalling every last detail. "Do you remember," he snarled.

Danarius finally showed some fear in his eyes. He swallowed hard against Fenris' grasp. "I did," he said in a whisper.

Fenris brought the knife back up from Danarius' waste to his neck. "Another line you carved into my flesh up this side next," he paused as he watched the blood drip from his masters skin, and then continued carving down the other side of his chest. Danarius shut his eyes, moaning loudly as the blade tore into his side and up under his arms. When Fenris completed both sides, he stood up and rolled Danarius onto his stomach, removed his robes, and sat on the back of his legs. "You turned me over, my body sliding from the blood on my chest, and you added two more lines up and down my back," Fenris said as he carved similar lines into the mans back.

"Kill me already," Danarius said as he spat dirt from his mouth.

Fenris laughed. "My arms were next if I recall," Fenris said ignoring Danarius' plea, "like this, wasn't it," he asked as he sliced intricate designs into Danarius' forearms. He then held his bound hands, carving into the back of each finger down to the wrists. The flesh tore easily under Fenris' sharp blade, and each scream from Danarius gave Fenris the satisfaction he'd been waiting years for.

"And last, the legs, though I recall little of it by the time you'd reached them," Fenris said turning around, slicing deep into the back of his legs. "I imagine it hurt all the same…"

* * *

Anders, Isabela, and Zevran with Hawke made their way back through the prison the way they came. Halfway through towards the second seal, Zevran finally put Hawke down. She tried to run but Isabela grabbed her as the screams from Danarius echoed through the halls, freezing Hawke in place.

"You allowed him to do this Hawke," Isabela tried to reason with her. "Respect him when he wants to spare you the pain of seeing him like that."

Hawke shook her head and looked at her friends. "What have I done," she said out loud.

Zevran stood in front of her. "Allowed him a chance at revenge," Zevran said. "He is safe, and not alone," he reminded her as the screams continued from the lower level. "Come, let's move further towards the surface."

They walked in silence back towards the entrance. When they could no longer hear the screams from Danarius they decided to stop and wait for their friends. Isabela and Zevran worked on building a fire as Anders took Hawke's hand. "Here, let me take care of that for you."

Hawke looked at her hand as if noticing the large wound for the first time. She pulled away from Anders. "No," she said quietly. "If he's in pain so shall I remain."

Isabela chuckled inappropriately. "Sweetie he is _in_ no pain. He's releasing his. From the sounds of it, it's Danarius that may need a healer."

They sat down around the fire once it was going, warming themselves from the chill of the prison walls. Isabela stared at Anders. When he finally noticed her, he sighed. "What is it," he asked her.

"So," she said excited at the chance to ask, "You and Elaine huh?"

"What about us," Anders asked already regretting giving into her.

"The sexual energy earlier was amazing. Isn't she delicious?"

"I am not discussing my affairs with you," Anders said annoyed.

"Oh sweetie it's okay, I had her too," Isabela said with a satisfied look, as if remembering what it was like to be with her.

Hawke spoke up, sounding surprised, "wait, you both slept with her?"

Isabela laughed. "Not at the same time, but I did enjoy sharing her with Zevran."

Zevran looked up at the mention of his name and nodded. "As I recall Isabela, it was I who shared her and Alistair with you."

Hawke looked at both of them dumbfounded. "The four of you, together?"

Anders shook his head. "I'm sure she'll appreciate all of us talking about it too."

Hawke had to admit it was a bit much. "I am really inexperienced compared to this group."

Zevran smirked at her. "I happen to know from personal experience my dear, that you have had _quality_. _Quantity_ should not matter."

Anders stood up. "Now we're going to discuss Hawke's sex life? Is nothing personal and sacred to you people?"

"I thought I heard Blondie's yelling," Varric said as he approached the camp from the stairs. Behind him was Aveline, Merrill and Sebastian.

"Hawke," Aveline said, "glad to see you're alright."

She smiled at her friends that joined them. "Wow, I can't believe you all came."

"Fenris had a plan," Aveline shrugged. "Where _is_ he," she said realizing he was missing.

Hawke looked to the ground as Isabela explained. "He's having some alone time with Danarius. He'll be with us shortly."

"You left him alone with Danarius," Sebastian asked in shock.

"Not exactly," Zevran said as the group sat down and he filled them in on what had happened.

Varric shook his head. "The Hero of Ferelden. Here of all places. What a story this is going to be. Do you think I will get to talk to her? I've been looking for some new material."

Isabela smiled at the dwarf's excitement. "They'll be here soon. She doesn't bite, well, unless you ask her to."

"Isabela," Aveline scolded. "Show some respect. She is a woman to be admired."

"Oh I admire her," Isabela said as Zevran chuckled to himself. Hawke moaned and Anders shook his head as Isabela continued to tell the tale of the Wardens to the group.

* * *

Elaine looked at Alistair instead of watching Fenris and Danarius. Alistair also could no longer watch the torment the magister was enduring. When Fenris had continued to carve markings into his masters flesh that matched his own, the screams and moans from the mage was almost too much to handle. The smell of blood filled the room as it was now nearly impossible to see any flesh on the man through the blood that flowed from his open wounds.

But it appeared Fenris wasn't done, as he stood and retrieved the lit torch from the wall. He kicked Danarius until he was on his back again and Fenris sat over him once more. He moved the fire close to Danarius' chest, allowing the hair to burn and then the flesh. Again he screamed, but Fenris showed no signs of letting up. "This is no more pain than you inflicted on Hawke in her dreams. Or have you forgotten that already," Fenris said as he lowered the torch again to his masters chest.

Danarius could barely speak, head turned to the side as blood came from his mouth when he choked from the smoke of the torch. "I am sorry," he managed to say.

Fenris threw the torch against the wall and leaned down to get close to Danarius. "You are sorry? Will you beg for your life then?"

Danarius looked up at him, his eyes wide. "You would let me live," he asked choking on his own blood, "after all of this?"

Fenris smiled as he saw the small glitter of hope in the mans eyes. " _No_ ," he said as his markings finally came alive and he reached into Danarius' chest. "Pathetic you still have hope, when hope was something you never allowed me to have." The look crossed Danarius' face that he realized his life was over, and Fenris' smile widened as he crushed the mans heart.

He stayed there for a while, looking at the corpse of the person who had tormented him for years. He thought he'd feel something more, assumed the satisfaction of acting out his own hell on his master would bring him some immediate closure. Instead, Fenris felt disgust. For his past, for his life, for what he had just done. It brought him no sense of justice. It did, however, provide a small bit of comfort that this man would never be allowed to harm the woman he loves again.

He stood up, brushed himself off, and walked towards Elaine and Alistair. "Where did they take Hawke," he asked the Wardens.

"Back to the surface," Elaine said a bit stunned that the elf seemed so calm after what he had just done.

"We are done here," Fenris said as he headed towards the others.

Alistair looked at Elaine. "What do we do about that," he said looking at the charred, bloodied body of Danarius.

Elaine hurled a fire spell towards the corpse and it singed instantly to ash. "Nothing," she said as she followed Fenris. Alistair shook his head as he followed as well, leaving the ashes of Danarius to the fate of the wind.

* * *

She heard them coming before anyone else. Hawke stood up and ran towards the corridor. Alistair and Elaine turned the corner first followed by Fenris. Fenris looked up at her as she moved towards him, and for a moment they just looked at each other. Hawke could see it in his eyes: he was done, and he was free. She stood apprehensively in front of him. "Are you alright," she asked quietly.

He looked into her eyes and nodded. "I am fine," he said a bit coldly, as he continued walking past her with his head down. He was suddenly feeling ashamed, and very conscious of the blood that covered his clothes. He wanted to talk to Hawke, embrace her, tell her everything would now be alright, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her just yet. He needed time, and he hoped she understood.

As Fenris followed Elaine and Alistair towards the group, Hawke remained behind. She leaned against the wall and sighed, tears forming in her eyes. Her mind raced with thoughts she couldn't control, wondering what Fenris was thinking, curious why he wouldn't stay behind to talk to her even if for a moment. She was hopeful when she heard footsteps coming towards her, but her face couldn't hide the disappointment when she saw it was Zevran.

"Are you planning on staying down here? Introductions have been made and we're all heading to the city," Zevran said to her as he approached.

Hawke looked up at him and forced a smile. "Home then, a strange concept given the day I've had."

"Well, maybe not home yet," he smiled, "but a gathering at the Hanged Man certainly." He paused when he noticed her hesitation. "Are you not ready to leave?"

She sighed, exhaustion taking over at the emotions flooding her body. "I'm ready."

Zevran held out his hand for her, "then come my beautiful goddess. Let's leave this place and join the others." Hawke took his hand and they met up with their friends.

They reached the surface with ease. On the walk home conversations were being had within the group, old friends catching up and new friends being made. Hawke noticed Fenris was walking ahead of the group, and debated with herself several times before deciding to leave him alone. She knew he'd come to her when he was ready, and she didn't want to push him after everything he had been through. She kept her distance, barely talking to anyone, until Isabela interrupted her internal thoughts.

"You stink," she said light-heartedly to Hawke smiling.

Hawke had to return the smile. "Thank you Isabela, that's just what every girl wants to hear."

"Some friends of mine live in Hightown and they are vacationing in Orlais. You and I are going to their place and you are getting a bath."

"Oh Isabela thanks for the offer, but I just want to go home. I can get a bath there."

Isabela shifted uncomfortably. "Oh sweetie, you should probably not go home right away," she said.

"Why not?"

Isabela sighed, annoyed at her friends for not informing Hawke about Bodahn and Sandal. "You see, there was an incident…"

* * *

When they returned to the gates of Kirkwall, they had agreed to all meet at the Hanged Man later that evening for some relaxation and drinks with the Wardens. Fenris spoke briefly, thanking everyone for making the journey with him, and then left for his mansion in Hightown. Zevran excused himself and the Wardens from the group, letting them know that they'd meet up with them later that night. Varric walked Merrill home, Aveline and Sebastian went with Isabela and Hawke into Hightown after Fenris.

Aveline broke off first returning to the barracks, and Sebastian left them shortly after when they reached the Chantry. Isabela took Hawke to an empty mansion near the Chantry, and made her way inside with her lock picks. "Friends, huh Isabela?"

She shrugged. "What, they really are in Orlais. I just don't have the key."

Hawke laughed as they entered the lavishly decorated estate, and Isabela took the time to prepare the bath for her. As Hawke relaxed in the bath for over an hour, Isabela went through the closets and found some new clothes for Hawke to wear. Normally Hawke would've protested, but having nothing clean of her own to change into, she decided to go with Isabela's free spirit and put on the fancy clothes.

As they cleaned up the evidence of their presence in the estate, a knock on the door startled them both. Hawke looked through the stained glass and was relieved to see it was only Zevran. She opened the door for him. "How in the Makers name did you find us?"

Zevran laughed and let himself in. "You my dear look absolutely delicious," he said noticing her stunning red dress. "Isabela told me where you'd be."

Isabela came into the foyer when she heard Zevran. "Done already? That was quick," she stated.

Zevran nodded, and Hawke looked at her companions confused. "Done with what? What are you two up to?"

"Nothing my dear," Zevran said innocently. "Come, let's take a walk."

Hawke looked at Isabela, who pushed her towards the door. "Go, I'll finish up here."

Hawke didn't argue as she followed Zevran through Hightown.

* * *

Fenris wandered the mansion for some time before changing his clothes and washing himself free of filth and blood. He was careful to clean up any mess he made, a habit Varania was instilling in him. He noticed her things were still in the room he had given her, and he allowed himself to briefly wonder if he would ever see her again.

He knew everyone would be meeting at the Hanged Man later, knew Hawke would be there, and he wanted to figure out what he was going to say to her before he got there. A million things went through his mind, each one sounding worse than the last. He didn't know how to tell her how he felt, what he needed from her. He didn't know if she would still want to be with him after knowing what he had done to Danarius. He wasn't certain what was going through her mind, or how he was even going to get her away from everyone that would be there.

He knew no matter what that he had to go, he couldn't leave things the way they were. The last time he had been with her she was grieving for her mother and needed his comfort. It was only days after he had learned of her involvement with Zevran, but Fenris felt his own guilt over her mothers death. Leandra died at the hands of Hadriana, who wouldn't have been in the city if it weren't for Fenris. They made love that night in grief, in depression, in guilt. He made a promise to himself that he wouldn't leave her again, and yet he snuck out the next morning, breaking that promise.

And then Varania happened. And Danarius happened. Fenris had so much he wanted to talk to her about. It seemed as if so much had happened and their last night together was a lifetime ago. But there was still the past to discuss, a future to ponder, and he was terrified to finally have that alone time with her again. He wished he could run to her now, spend the night drinking and talking like they had so long ago.

But he couldn't. Tonight would be a night of friends, of drink, and of celebrating. He had to allow her that after everything she has been through, including everything he put her through. He promised himself he would go, support her in any way she'd allow, and wait for her to come to him.

* * *

"I can't believe you did this," Hawke said when they entered her estate. "I was told not to come back here tonight because of what had happened."

"It was Zevran's idea," Elaine stated. "After all you have been through, no, you didn't need to return home in the condition it was in."

The estate was spotless, no sign that any foul deeds had been committed there. No blood remained, and the smell of lavender filled the air. Hawke turned to Zevran and thanked him, and he simply smiled without saying a word.

"Bodahn and Sandal were very dear to us," Alistair said quietly.

Hawke shuddered to think of the gruesome scene that had taken place in her home, losing the dwarves in such a manor was a horrible thought. A tear escaped her eye as she thought of them, of Sandal, his wide eyed innocence and undiscovered talents. Bodahn, Sandals protector, his constant smile and charming nervous twitch. And poor Strife, the last of her family from Ferelden. Zevran rubbed her back in sympathy, and Elaine moved forward to hug her. "I loved them too," she said to Hawke as they bonded over their lost friends.

"We uh," Alistair began awkwardly, "well Elaine suggested we might hold a service for them. Although we don't know who all of their friends were, I think all of us that knew them could use it."

"Yes," Elaine added, "your friend Sebastian has already posted a notice on the Chanters board in case others wish to join us. He is also going to speak with Varric tonight and find out the traditions of the dwarves so we can do right by them."

"Thank you," Hawke said to all of them. "I think that's a wonderful idea. You are all welcome to stay here until you have to move on. It's the least I can do for saving my life."

"No need," Alistair declined. "We already have rooms at the Hanged Man thanks to Varric, and we'll need to head out as soon as the funeral is over."

She nodded in understanding. "So I'll see you there later?"

"Of course," Alistair said. "You know Hawke, should you ever wish to join the Wardens, you'd make an excellent contribution to our ranks."

Hawke laughed. "Oh I don't know about that Alistair, I have a bit of a problem with authority. But thank you, I will certainly consider it."

Alistair bowed to her and Elaine hugged her again, both excusing themselves from the estate as Zevran remained.

Hawke moved to sit by the fireplace as Zevran did the same and sighed. "So this is it," he began. "We will be parting company soon, and our last moment alone together is probably now. We should make the most of it."

"Why Zevran," Hawke smiled, "are you suggesting we tear each others clothes off and have at it?"

"Hahaha," Zevran laughed loudly. "In another time I would jump on the chance to be with you again my beautiful goddess. But I know it is not me you desire."

Hawke turned in her chair to look at him and extended her hand for him to hold. "You mean the world to me Zevran, never doubt that."

"Oh I know," he said smiling at her. "And should you ever find yourself in need of another elf companion, I hope you still know how to find me."

"Of course. Seleny, Antiva. I will never forget."

"Neither will I," he said squeezing her hand, and Hawke knew he was referring to their night together. They remained there a bit longer, holding hands and looking at the fire, silently saying goodbye.

* * *

Varric had made an arrangement with the owner of the Hanged Man to close the place for their private party. As Hawke and Zevran entered, they were greeted by their friends, all who had arrived a short time before them. Drinks were being consumed and conversation filled the room. Zevran bowed to Hawke as he left her side to sit with Isabela, Alistair, and Varric. Sebastian, Aveline, and Merrill were seated with Fenris playing a game of cards. Anders and Elaine were off in the corner having a private conversation. Hawke took a moment to survey the room and appreciate the gathering of all of her friends, smiling to herself that the worst seemed to be behind them.

She walked towards Fenris as a hand was being finished, Fenris obviously winning by the amount of chips in front of him, and Aveline cursing loudly at how "broody" must have learned to cheat from Varric. Fenris turned to look at her standing behind him, and excused himself from the table. Hawke extended her hand to Fenris, which he accepted, and they walked in silence upstairs to Varrics room for some privacy.

Hawke sat on the bed and Fenris sat with her. "I know we have a lot to talk about," Hawke said after some time.

Fenris nodded. "We do. But I'm not certain this is the time or place."

Hawke agreed. "I know," she said quietly. "But I do have one question for you that I'd like an answer to now if possible."

He looked at her curiously. "Go ahead."

She cleared her throat. "I asked you once what you will do with your freedom, do you remember?"

He thought for a moment. "Yes. I said I wouldn't dare think of a future without Danarius until he was dead."

"That's right," she confirmed. "Well Fenris, Danarius _is_ dead. So I ask again," Hawke said looking into his eyes, "what will you do with your freedom? Can you forgive me? For my mistakes, for Zevran, for putting you through so much. Do you see us together again in your future?" Fenris remained quiet, so Hawke continued. "The last night we spent together," her voice wavered, lump forming in her throat, "Fenris I need to know if that was the last night we'll ever have..."

He didn't answer for a few minutes, and for a moment Hawke held her breath wondering if the damage she had done was irreversible. Finally, Fenris held out his right hand and looked at it. "Do you see these scars here," he pointed to several odd marks that outlined the lyrium on his hand.

She hadn't noticed them before, and held his hand to look at them more closely. "Fenris, what happened? What is this from?"

Fenris placed his hand on her chest over her heart. "From the day I held your heart in my hands, right here in this very bed. I never allowed Anders to heal me, perhaps because I wanted a reminder of that day, I don't know."

Hawke swallowed hard fighting back tears. She held out her hand to him. "I haven't allowed Anders to heal this either," she said in return. "I wanted it as a reminder of the day you became free."

Fenris held her hand and traced the line where she cut herself to allow access to Danarius. "I don't know if scars of pain are a proper way to remember how important we are to each other," he said softly. "But considering the pain is what has brought us here, together again, perhaps it is fitting after all."

"I can't lose you Fenris," Hawke said, allowing the tears to fall. "They tried so hard to keep us apart, when I think they have possibly succeeded, I want to die inside."

Fenris caressed her cheek, wiping tears with his thumb as he had done in the past. "I didn't kill him for me, I killed him for you." He looked away for a moment, remembering his final thoughts before he killed his former master. "I did it so he could never harm you again." He turned to look at her again, tears welling in his eyes. "Meeting you was the most important thing that ever happened to me Kyra. I can't bear the thought of living without you."

He pulled her in close and embraced her. She put her arms around him in response, and realized immediately that he was crying. His body shook as he held her tight, burying his face in her hair and releasing what must've been years of pain inside himself. She stroked his hair, assuring him everything would be alright now as he sobbed uncontrollably. Her heart broke for him, with him, and she cried as well at the obvious pain he had been living with all this years.

After some time he pulled away from her, wiping his face with his sleeve. She helped him remove random tears he had missed as he did the same for her. Hawke stood and held out her hand for him. "Let's go home Fenris." He looked up at her, a questioning look in his eyes. "Home, _our_ home now together," she explained. "I do not wish to be apart from you again."

He took her hand and stood next to her, pulling her closer to him. "What about everyone downstairs?"

She kissed him softly before responding. "They will still be here tomorrow."

* * *

_Authors Note: If you are interested in the Anders and Elaine story, you can find it (in progress) under the title_ _**Return To Me** _ _on my profile._


	21. Epilogue: Zevran

He remained for quite some time, though they all assumed he had left. The ache in his heart stung a little more each time he saw them together. Walking through Hightown, he stuck to the shadows as he saw the lyrium tattooed elf walking by her side. Sometimes they would joke, and he wished it was he that could enjoy that beautiful smile of hers up close.

He had settled into his role as stalker rather easily, having done it so many times for the Crows. Why he stayed he didn't know. Why he didn't confess his true feelings when he had the opportunity, well, he hated himself a little more each day for not doing so.

There hadn't been anyone like her, not since Rinna, that had captured his heart and held on so tightly. Yet she was never his; he knew this from the beginning. The night they had together, such a beautiful night at the Dalish camp, his mind drifted there far too many times. The feel of her skin, the scent of her, the taste of her, it overwhelmed him at night and teased him each morning. There was a moment during that time that he had looked into her eyes and suddenly he was in love. Unrealistic he thought, having only known her for a few hours, but the way their bodies fit together...

No, he couldn't go there again. Not while following her, them. Off they moved towards Lowtown, to the Hanged Man no doubt, where he knew they'd begin playing cards and drinking, and her melodic laugh would reach him even outside. How he longed to be the one to make her produce such a sound, wished his hands would bring that sweet gasp to her lips once more.

She loved another, he knew this, yet he persisted on torturing himself. "You mean the world to me Zevran, never doubt that," she had said in their last private moment together. He should've told her then. He could've begged her to change her mind, choose him over Fenris, leave Kirkwall to all it's struggles and run away with him to Antiva.

Instead he let her go. "I know it is not me you desire," he told her, and he struggled to remember that truth. Even on the nights he would sneak into her bedroom as he had done before and watched her sleep, he knew he had lost his chance with her.

So he waited. Continued to watch over her and protect her even though she was unaware. If he couldn't have her, he'd at least have her safe. As he settled against a wall to get some rest, the sweet sound of Hawke's laugh drifted from the bar and wrapped itself around his heart.


End file.
